E
Eliza
New member
This is my first actual thread on this forum, and I'm in a bit of distress, and almost need reassurance really.
I've been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and PTSD and having a working diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, including dissociation/depersonalization. I'm wondering if it's totally normal to sometimes be terrified that you're actually faking it?
I think for me, because I have disassociation, most of the time, my memories don't feel real at all, whether that be from five years ago or ten minutes ago. So that means that anything I was struggling with five minutes ago suddenly isn't real or never existed, so when I feel 'capable' (i.e. suddenly make plans to go to Tesco or be able to do washing), I suddenly go into the horrible fear that I'm actually faking it and I'm actually perfectly fine. I get a lot of intrusive thoughts telling me that I'm pathetic and attention seeking and worthless, and that doesn't help with suicidal thoughts. Sometimes it even makes me think that I should get into a physical accident so I can have some reassurance that something is wrong-- it sounds totally morbid and ridiculous, but I hope someone understands what I mean.
Does anyone else get this? What techniques do other people have for reassuring yourself that you are genuinely ill? How do you stop the intrusive thoughts?
I've been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and PTSD and having a working diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, including dissociation/depersonalization. I'm wondering if it's totally normal to sometimes be terrified that you're actually faking it?
I think for me, because I have disassociation, most of the time, my memories don't feel real at all, whether that be from five years ago or ten minutes ago. So that means that anything I was struggling with five minutes ago suddenly isn't real or never existed, so when I feel 'capable' (i.e. suddenly make plans to go to Tesco or be able to do washing), I suddenly go into the horrible fear that I'm actually faking it and I'm actually perfectly fine. I get a lot of intrusive thoughts telling me that I'm pathetic and attention seeking and worthless, and that doesn't help with suicidal thoughts. Sometimes it even makes me think that I should get into a physical accident so I can have some reassurance that something is wrong-- it sounds totally morbid and ridiculous, but I hope someone understands what I mean.
Does anyone else get this? What techniques do other people have for reassuring yourself that you are genuinely ill? How do you stop the intrusive thoughts?