Fear of end of world keeps me up all night

L

lynaz

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Mar 31, 2018
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Northeastern US
#1
I've seen a lot of talk going on about the world ending on April 18th. Here's a statement for you: I'm a suicidal agnostic who is terrified of death.

Well, not necessarily death, I guess I'd say I'm terrified of the uncertainty of what happens after. I lean more towards buddhist views, and would love to fully convert one day, but I have no set belief and therefore no set view on the afterlife.

I'm suicidal, not because I want to be dead, but because I hate the life I'm living and the person I am now. I've always thought myself a believer of reincarnation, just because I don't believe you can live as one soul for eternity. But everyone talking about the end of the world has made me wonder, if the world was destroyed, where would you go?

I am not a perfect person. If hell is real, I am going to it. I know I am not good enough to get into whatever heaven, if any, is out there.

Anyways, back to my point, this conspiracy keeps me up at night. Literally. For hours. I am someone who cannot sleep without pitch black darkness and absolute silence, but because of all this going around, I now have to sleep with the tv on right in front of me, for something to distract my mind. It is effecting my sleep schedule, school, work, and mental and physical health.

Is there any way I could cope with this? Or has anyone experienced this too?

(note: I don't really believe the world is going to end this month, going off of all the past false conspiracies and theories. That doesn't change the fact that one day it will still probably come, and my fear is still present.)
 
Cazcat

Cazcat

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#2
I'd not heard about this most recent end of the world theory, but as you say they come along frequently and we are still here. The reality is that the earth is very likely to be around for another few million years at the least. I also believe in reincarnation and I suppose there's no reason why you couldn't be reincarnated on another planet if the earth wasn't around. With the number of planets out there there is every chance there are other life forms out there somewhere.

From a practical perspective are you getting any support for your anxiety? If not then it would be a good idea to see your GP as they can help.
 
R

Rusalochka

Guest
#3
I would definitely reach out and get some type of help. Therapy, psychiatrist. Anything like that to help your anxiety and paranoia. I have a pretty negative view on medications because I had to deal with a lot of stupid side effects, but they can be helpful. One of my meds actually helped my anxiety a lot. I didn't have the exact same thoughts as you, but I was suicidal and very paranoid about many things.

When it comes to thoughts on death and stuff, I have many beliefs myself. I believe there's a cycle in the universe that we all travel through and that the universe is infinite. Stars die and are born again. Life on different planets hasn't been found yet, but I believe there's life out there. I agree with what Cazcat said. In another life you could be born on a different planet, very far from this one. I believe anything is possible.

For now, try your best to focus on this life you have here. It's a tough journey, but there are many ways to heal.
 
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blacksmoke

blacksmoke

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#4
i am studying eschatology -the end times and it aint gonna happen next month. however....like a lot of folk who are deep thinkers ...i need to know...a preparation if you will.
 
I

IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

Guest
#5
:welcome: to the forum. Sorry this is happening to you. I had like 30 dreams where the Earth flooded and killed everyone on Earth. This was even before I read about the flood of Noah in the Bible. It's just paranoia. The Earth won't end anytime soon. I hope you get over this fast. :hug:
 
P

Peacebwu

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Feb 1, 2018
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#6
I am so sorry you are having this paranoia. I too have experienced such. I think we all have wonders about what it's like on the other side of this life. All we know is the physical and we all know there's one appointment none of us can avoid....death. We all eventually get there.

I believe in the bible as the living word and truth. It's a documented proven historical factual document that's the only book to remain unchanged through thousands of years. Nothing has been added or taken away. With this said, I believe there's a heaven and hell. Does my flesh still fight against death and feeling unprepared? Absolutely! I have kids still to raise that need me for now.

You mentioned you don't feel you would be good enough and would go to hell if there's such a thing. I tend to be the type of person that thinks they have to earn goodness too. I tend to think I'm never good enough and always striving for better. I also have had a lot of self loathing I've done over the years. There seems to be some habits I have a hard time shaking. The awesome thing about my faith is that it's constantly stretching me to understand that salvation isn't earned, it's by grace that I am saved, not that of any works shall I boast. There's literally nothing I can do to earn my way to heaven. I am a sinner and make mistakes just like everyone else. All I have to do is believe God is who He says he is and accept his forgiveness through Jesus who died for my sins and rose again to wait for me in eternity. Is that faith still hard to grapple with in my flesh? Absolutely! Yet, that relationship speaks life to me and has proven itself over and over.

Though I have a strong connection to a living God I still struggle with anxiety, panic disorders, and paranoia from time to time. There was a time I was preparing our home for grid failure and trying to figure out how to make our home more self sustainable if we lost all power, water, etc. I went crazy spending hundreds of dollars, feeling we weren't going to have enough, etc. Stocking up on can goods, generator, figuring out how to do a rain catching system and what we really should have is more land. There came a point I realized the sleepless nights and the worry wasn't going to change anything. I could be as prepared as I could be and still not be prepared enough for something we've never had to live through. I had to look at my life thus far and say..."You are worried for security and life because life has been hard. You are an overcomer and survivor. You may get knocked down for a time and fall into fear and feel crazed in that but you eventually pull up your boot straps and fight the good fight. You will do whatever you must at any time to help you family and survive. You will be stronger than most because you have had to be a fighter, if the time every comes you need to live radically different!"
I had to also remind myself there have been theories for as long as the world has existed that the end of the world is near. People try to control and figure everything out...it makes us feel better, we think. Letting go and living in the moment is one of the hardest lessons we are called to live.
I found dialectical behavior therapy very helpful to learn some mindfulness activities. If you continue to use the tv for a diversion perhaps you can put some happy peaceful things on and wear amber glasses to block the blue light out and keep your mind from being stimulated?
Big hugs! I know this is tough! I know it feels scary! You are braver than you know and I pray whatever you need to find peace comes soon!
 
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