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Fear of developing schizophrenia.

R

Retaw

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This could’ve posted in anxiety disorders as well, but perhaps it will be good to post it here.

I recently spoke to a doctor and she gave me diagnose of generalized anxiety, social anxiety and depression. The last 3 years of my life has been a disaster. Even the simplest tasks are impossible to do. Currently I haven’t left my house because of my anxiety for 3 weeks, but I’m struggling with this since the beginning.

The simplest tasks are impossible to do and my mind is constantly checking for any danger. My biggest fear is to lose my mind and control. This is basically keeping me occupied throughout the whole day. I’m anxious for anything that feels evil. This could be the tiniest thing like even something as a color. I’m afraid I’m developing schizophrenia or another kind of psychotic illness.

Yesterday I looked up for the symptoms and I saw a few similarities. Heres the list of symptoms that I experience and more;

My emotions are not balanced. The only thing I feel is fear and the rest feels pretty numb. I feel like I have things like sadness deep inside me, but I can’t let it out. The inability to cry is something which botters me a lot, because it feels like it’s holding me down a lot. I sleep way more then regular. I feel like I’m not fully in control of my thoughts. One of the main triggers of me feeling so bad started of taking weed and mushrooms. Sometimes I feel very rushed, like I have to go away, but there is no place to go. I have experienced hallucinations in the last 3 years like 3 times. It was just like a half of a second. I quickly am conscious of it and it freaks me out a lot. I 24/7 just feel very bad in my own skin. It’s like the whole world sometimes doesn’t excised, because I’m constantly busy with my mental health. I’m afraid to talk to people because I’m afraid there is something really wrong with me. I feel like I have to hide myself from the world. Even things like watching a movie is something I’m avoiding now. Everything that effects my brain is something I avoid, because of feeling of no control like caffeine, alcohol etc.

Can someone help me out?
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Hi,
Sadness is common with depression, so sorry we're not able to diagnose you on the forum.
If your worried see your dr and explain your concerns.
Take care
 
R

Retaw

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Hi,
Sadness is common with depression, so sorry we're not able to diagnose you on the forum.
If your worried see your dr and explain your concerns.
Take care
Well, I’ve explained it to the doctor, but not all that I’ve said over here. She seemed quite sure when she said I had nothing like schizophrenia, but it was only an hour conversation, so I have not told like everything. She was going off an list to see my symptoms. I don’t have things like hearing voices. I didn’t talked about the inability to cry. I feel kinda sad, but also not. Sometimes I try to cry, but tears won’t come. I’ve only cried twice in these three years. My mom also says she is very sure I have no psychotic illness, but still I’m doubting. I’m just super nervous all day long and I also feel just a bit weird, hard to explain.
 
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Lab rat

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For what it’s worth it sounds more like anxiety than sz. Fear of developing schizophrenia? It’s more likely in this day and age to develop cancer, if you really want to worry about something.

the whole point of taking shrooms/acid is to cause your brain to hallucinate and if you’ve had 3 half seconds hallucinations in 3 years, you’re not doing too bad! I took so much hallucinogens in the 90s that I’ve basically rewired my brain to see things,that’s why I get visuals to this day. A normal doc told me that after a mri. Stick with weed, stay off the psychotropics! It don’t end good!
 
R

Retaw

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For what it’s worth it sounds more like anxiety than sz. Fear of developing schizophrenia? It’s more likely in this day and age to develop cancer, if you really want to worry about something.

the whole point of taking shrooms/acid is to cause your brain to hallucinate and if you’ve had 3 half seconds hallucinations in 3 years, you’re not doing too bad! I took so much hallucinogens in the 90s that I’ve basically rewired my brain to see things,that’s why I get visuals to this day. A normal doc told me that after a mri. Stick with weed, stay off the psychotropics! It don’t end good!
Do you suffer from a psychotic illness if I may ask? For my personal believes it’s like the worst thing ever. Perhaps it ain’t that bad as I’m thinking it is.

I would gladly choose to not worry at all haha.

I might have health anxiety, but then focussed on mental disorders.

I suffer from this very constantly, so that’s a big concern for me. It’s basically 24/7 and I just feel anxious and out of place all the time. The out of place feeling worries me a lot. I can get overstimulated very quickly. Sometimes maybe a bit paranoid as well, because I would start to avoid every little thing that perhaps could cause negative feelings for me. Just that habit or what it is to check for any danger is the most exhausting thing ever.

I would never do anything like drugs again in my life. It has caused so much trouble for me. Even the smallest sip of alcohol can freak me out. I see it as one of my main troubles for causing my life change so drastically. It’s just not for me. The last time I have took a joint or even a glass of alcohol is 3 years ago.
 
JessisMe

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This could’ve posted in anxiety disorders as well, but perhaps it will be good to post it here.

I recently spoke to a doctor and she gave me diagnose of generalized anxiety, social anxiety and depression. The last 3 years of my life has been a disaster. Even the simplest tasks are impossible to do. Currently I haven’t left my house because of my anxiety for 3 weeks, but I’m struggling with this since the beginning.

The simplest tasks are impossible to do and my mind is constantly checking for any danger. My biggest fear is to lose my mind and control. This is basically keeping me occupied throughout the whole day. I’m anxious for anything that feels evil. This could be the tiniest thing like even something as a color. I’m afraid I’m developing schizophrenia or another kind of psychotic illness.

Yesterday I looked up for the symptoms and I saw a few similarities. Heres the list of symptoms that I experience and more;

My emotions are not balanced. The only thing I feel is fear and the rest feels pretty numb. I feel like I have things like sadness deep inside me, but I can’t let it out. The inability to cry is something which botters me a lot, because it feels like it’s holding me down a lot. I sleep way more then regular. I feel like I’m not fully in control of my thoughts. One of the main triggers of me feeling so bad started of taking weed and mushrooms. Sometimes I feel very rushed, like I have to go away, but there is no place to go. I have experienced hallucinations in the last 3 years like 3 times. It was just like a half of a second. I quickly am conscious of it and it freaks me out a lot. I 24/7 just feel very bad in my own skin. It’s like the whole world sometimes doesn’t excised, because I’m constantly busy with my mental health. I’m afraid to talk to people because I’m afraid there is something really wrong with me. I feel like I have to hide myself from the world. Even things like watching a movie is something I’m avoiding now. Everything that effects my brain is something I avoid, because of feeling of no control like caffeine, alcohol etc.

Can someone help me out?
The three people I know developed schizophrenia after taking hallucinogenics and/or smoking weed. I don’t know why more people don’t talk about the correlation between drug use and mental
illness because there seem to be many examples of it out there. It’s also possible that you just have way too much time on your hands and an active imagination that, due to depression, is imagining the worst. I might limit the use of recreational drugs anyway and find different forms of
recreation. From what I have seen the benefits might not be worth the risk. Also maybe find things to occupy your mind so it is not spent with worrying so much. I’ve been there before, usually when I have been depressed and am ruminating. Hope this is helpful.
❤💕
 
R

Retaw

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The three people I know developed schizophrenia after taking hallucinogenics and/or smoking weed. I don’t know why more people don’t talk about the correlation between drug use and mental
illness because there seem to be many examples of it out there. It’s also possible that you just have way too much time on your hands and an active imagination that, due to depression, is imagining the worst. I might limit the use of recreational drugs anyway and find different forms of
recreation. From what I have seen the benefits might not be worth the risk. Also maybe find things to occupy your mind so it is not spent with worrying so much. I’ve been there before, usually when I have been depressed and am ruminating. Hope this is helpful.
❤💕
Yeah, there is a good chance that increases all of my negative feelings a lot, but I’m in a kind of loop where I can’t break out of. I stopped going to school, work and hang out with people when all of this started. I’m super isolated and basically the only thing I’m doing all day long is gaming. My creative hobbies (drawing and making music) are pretty affected by my problems. It’s been so severely for so long and I’m honestly feeling kind of hopeless. Just the fact that I can’t have fresh air is driving me nuts. My house feels like a prison. My social anxiety is severe as well on a point that I can’t even open up my front door anymore. Probably caused by my other problems.

I’m having my first appointment at a new psychiatrist about 2 weeks and I’m already super stressed for it. I’ve go so much fears and negative feelings, I’m just feeling so overwhelmed by it. I don’t know how I can recover from this.
 
Quijas6

Quijas6

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Yeah I can see your concern with possible paranoia that may be developing.

The big change for me in my psychosis (at first) was my ability to think clearly and do work (I found it incredibly difficult). And also I felt like I was having spiritual experiences and knew what other people from a distance were thinking/feeling. I also thought I had visions in the sky and had a new sense of direction/what to do with my life.
 
R

Retaw

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Yeah I can see your concern with possible paranoia that may be developing.

The big change for me in my psychosis (at first) was my ability to think clearly and do work (I found it incredibly difficult). And also I felt like I was having spiritual experiences and knew what other people from a distance were thinking/feeling. I also thought I had visions in the sky and had a new sense of direction/what to do with my life.
What do you mean with the first bit of being to think clearly? I often feel like I don’t think clearly and then all my alarm bells goes of (basically constantly now) that there is a error. I will start to feel nervous and anxious and like the negativity is taking over me. Like I have no control over it. That’s a big concern for me and I wonder where that comes from. Can that be something psychotic or is it just anxiety? My biggest fear is losing my mind and control basically, so you probably understand how big this problem is for me. I can’t function normally at all because of this. Especially things that for me seems evil is causing me much problems in how I feel. I’m afraid something evil is taking over me basically. Sometimes I feel these thoughts coming up and I feel like I don’t have a positive thought against it. I’m just kinda feeling hopeless against it and the only thing it causes is me feeling super bad. Take the fact that I am becoming to feel more irritated because of me feeling every day more depressed isn’t helping this at all. I don’t how I can make something of my life with all of this going on inside my mind. I feel like I can’t really be the boss over myself. Like now, I know I had to sleep way earlier then now (it’s 3am over here rn), but still I’m awake. I don’t know how I can shake off all my negative thoughts, habbits and feelings and start to regain control over my life again.

The last part is something I can’t relate to, except when I took magic mushrooms 3 years ago, but well, then you supposed to feel that way. That experience was a bad one btw, it was right before I had my mental breakdown basically (or however you supposed to call it). I’m still afraid it has something to do with how I feel now, because some uncomfortable feelings I experienced back then as well. Like I have to run away, but there is no way to run or something.
 
R

Retaw

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It’s anxiety
You sure? I have several paranoid feelings now and then, but I don’t know paranoia and schizophrenia has to go with eachother. I often feel very rushed like I have to run for a invisible enemy. That’s basically constantly now and I wonder if it’s just anxiety when you actually feeling 24/7 very bad. I even fear myself a lot because of my symptoms. That’s why I am afraid to go outside and be in contact with other people. Everything I do feels wrong and a lot of times I don’t even know why. Music for example, which I always enjoyed and I made music myself as well, is something that just feels wrong...
 
Quijas6

Quijas6

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What do you mean with the first bit of being to think clearly? I often feel like I don’t think clearly and then all my alarm bells goes of (basically constantly now) that there is a error. I will start to feel nervous and anxious and like the negativity is taking over me. Like I have no control over it. That’s a big concern for me and I wonder where that comes from. Can that be something psychotic or is it just anxiety? My biggest fear is losing my mind and control basically, so you probably understand how big this problem is for me. I can’t function normally at all because of this. Especially things that for me seems evil is causing me much problems in how I feel. I’m afraid something evil is taking over me basically. Sometimes I feel these thoughts coming up and I feel like I don’t have a positive thought against it. I’m just kinda feeling hopeless against it and the only thing it causes is me feeling super bad. Take the fact that I am becoming to feel more irritated because of me feeling every day more depressed isn’t helping this at all. I don’t how I can make something of my life with all of this going on inside my mind. I feel like I can’t really be the boss over myself. Like now, I know I had to sleep way earlier then now (it’s 3am over here rn), but still I’m awake. I don’t know how I can shake off all my negative thoughts, habbits and feelings and start to regain control over my life again.

The last part is something I can’t relate to, except when I took magic mushrooms 3 years ago, but well, then you supposed to feel that way. That experience was a bad one btw, it was right before I had my mental breakdown basically (or however you supposed to call it). I’m still afraid it has something to do with how I feel now, because some uncomfortable feelings I experienced back then as well. Like I have to run away, but there is no way to run or something.
I actually meant inability to think clearly, sorry about typo. Like I had a hard time studying, paying attention to what was going on, and writing papers as my mind was so distracted by what was going on internally.

It's really confusing what you write and hard to get a good picture of what's going on. It sounds to me like you have some lucidity but have a guess that something is going on that is getting worse. Hence the anxiety. I had guesses at my symptoms (I ended up with a diagnosis of schizophrenia) but then lost all insight to what was going on.

When you say negativity what do you mean? I think in all mental illness there's a component of not having control. Also, what do you mean by evil?

When I first became psychotic, it was actually a very positive experience for me. I thought I had cured any depression that I ever had. Maybe someone else can weigh in about that?

Do you have a crisis line you can call to talk to a professional about everything? Or talk with your prescriber? They might be able to help clear some things up. It's so hard to make a judgement call when the mind making the judgements is having a hard time.

Yes, it's a terrifying thought to lose your mind. I am still frightened that it will happen to me again. It's good that you're trying to figure everything out!
 
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linus

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Although I don’t experience long periods of anxiety, when I do it’s similar to what you describe. I manage to shake them off eventually by bullying myself :)
 
R

Retaw

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I actually meant inability to think clearly, sorry about typo. Like I had a hard time studying, paying attention to what was going on, and writing papers as my mind was so distracted by what was going on internally.

It's really confusing what you write and hard to get a good picture of what's going on. It sounds to me like you have some lucidity but have a guess that something is going on that is getting worse. Hence the anxiety. I had guesses at my symptoms (I ended up with a diagnosis of schizophrenia) but then lost all insight to what was going on.

When you say negativity what do you mean? I think in all mental illness there's a component of not having control. Also, what do you mean by evil?

When I first became psychotic, it was actually a very positive experience for me. I thought I had cured any depression that I ever had. Maybe someone else can weigh in about that?

Do you have a crisis line you can call to talk to a professional about everything? Or talk with your prescriber? They might be able to help clear some things up. It's so hard to make a judgement call when the mind making the judgements is having a hard time.

Yes, it's a terrifying thought to lose your mind. I am still frightened that it will happen to me again. It's good that you're trying to figure everything out!
Sorry that it is a bit confusing what I wrote down. It’s often hard to explain my feelings and find the right phrases for it. + the fact that English isn’t my native language.

I didn’t leave my house for a month now due of the fear to expose myself to the outside world. I feel like I really need some fresh air, but outside my fears are even higher then they are at home. I really don’t know how I can pull this off again. How to be comfortable again when taking something as simple as a small walk. I do sit down on my balcony sometimes, but even then I feel anxious.. Anxious my neighbours will come around.

Negativity ain’t the right word. It’s like lots of stress without really a particular reason. Like I have to be extremely aware of what’s happening with me. I experience muscle tightness and headaches. I don’t feel clear inside my head. It’s really difficult to explain, but it gives me the feeling that I’m losing my mind. I feel very bad in general constanly, but what it is exactly and why is something I don’t really know.. I feel pretty confused by it. With evil I mean, uh, also very difficult explain.. And to be honest, I find it very difficult to speak about it as well.

Jeez, do I have some kind of extreme mental crisis? I don’t know... I feel so confused.. Emotionally as well. I feel numb and like I’m lost in darkness. We don’t have crisis line that I’m aware of. 2 months ago I visited a doctor which was like the most difficult task ever. My mom and bro where with me, but now it’s even more difficult to go outside to get help. About 6 days I have a appointment at a specialized anxiety treatment center and I will be there a few days a week. But now I’m just afraid I’m not focussing on the right thing.. Like there is something else wrong with me and it’s far worse then just anxiety. And how I’m going to make it to the appointment is something I’m still thinking about.
 
Quijas6

Quijas6

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Sorry that it is a bit confusing what I wrote down. It’s often hard to explain my feelings and find the right phrases for it. + the fact that English isn’t my native language.

I didn’t leave my house for a month now due of the fear to expose myself to the outside world. I feel like I really need some fresh air, but outside my fears are even higher then they are at home. I really don’t know how I can pull this off again. How to be comfortable again when taking something as simple as a small walk. I do sit down on my balcony sometimes, but even then I feel anxious.. Anxious my neighbours will come around.

Negativity ain’t the right word. It’s like lots of stress without really a particular reason. Like I have to be extremely aware of what’s happening with me. I experience muscle tightness and headaches. I don’t feel clear inside my head. It’s really difficult to explain, but it gives me the feeling that I’m losing my mind. I feel very bad in general constanly, but what it is exactly and why is something I don’t really know.. I feel pretty confused by it. With evil I mean, uh, also very difficult explain.. And to be honest, I find it very difficult to speak about it as well.

Jeez, do I have some kind of extreme mental crisis? I don’t know... I feel so confused.. Emotionally as well. I feel numb and like I’m lost in darkness. We don’t have crisis line that I’m aware of. 2 months ago I visited a doctor which was like the most difficult task ever. My mom and bro where with me, but now it’s even more difficult to go outside to get help. About 6 days I have a appointment at a specialized anxiety treatment center and I will be there a few days a week. But now I’m just afraid I’m not focussing on the right thing.. Like there is something else wrong with me and it’s far worse then just anxiety. And how I’m going to make it to the appointment is something I’m still thinking about.
Ah, thanks for explaining. Sounds really upsetting. What do you think you should be focusing on? Any chance you can get your mother and brother to help out some?
 
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