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Fear my boyfriend and friend are up to something, am I just paranoid?

  • Thread starter Sapphirepenguin9900
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S

Sapphirepenguin9900

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I’m really not doing great atm, feel like I can’t cope with this much longer.

So I’ve had this fear for ages my friend and boyfriend are talking because their active times match up all the time. Now I’m worried they are meeting up on Saturdays even though we are in lockdown. Or maybe just phoning each other. Last weekend I didn’t hear from my boyfriend from 5pm - 8pm. My friend went offline at 5:20pm and came back online immediately after him. Then he played video games the rest of the night.

Now tonight the same has happened. This time my friend went offline 3:45pm. My boyfriend was talking to me between 4-5:20pm and I have heard nothing since it’s 10pm now. At 8:40pm my friend came back online and I told my self give it half an hour and if he reappears then he must of been out with her as that’s how long it would take him to get home. 20 minutes later and he signed onto his ps4. Is something going on between them? I asked them and they said no but I’m worried. I know he didn’t wake up until 4ish as he was up all night playing video games and so he could of fallen back asleep and she isn’t online much on Saturdays anyway. They both also don’t have transport (unless he got his bike insured again) and live with parents but it’s so odd and I’m worried and can’t get it out my head even though people say I’m being crazy.
 
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Zoe1

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I think that kind of digging can be a self fulfilling prophecy sometimes
would you like someone to track your movements like that ?
its easy to put it all together and make a scenario of it

we can't know where our partner is all the time and with who
the issue is you don't trust him
and maybe ask yourself why is that ?
is it your issue or is he just not a trustworthy person ?
 
S

Sapphirepenguin9900

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I think that kind of digging can be a self fulfilling prophecy sometimes
would you like someone to track your movements like that ?
its easy to put it all together and make a scenario of it

we can't know where our partner is all the time and with who
the issue is you don't trust him
and maybe ask yourself why is that ?
is it your issue or is he just not a trustworthy person ?
I think the issue you is me. It’s been mentioned I probably have a hard time trusting people because my mum emotionally and verbally abused me when I was a teenager. You don’t think it sounds like anything is happening between them then? I just want perspective from someone who’s head isn’t screwy like mine.
 
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Zoe1

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no I think you have no evidence there

its better to work on your own issues
then you will be better able to trust
 
S

Sapphirepenguin9900

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no I think you have no evidence there

its better to work on your own issues
then you will be better able to trust
ok I will hope that’s true because I posted this some other places and people thought it was fishy :/
 
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Intareseid

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I don't think anybody can really say whether there's something going on there, it all sounds very coincidental and small at best.

Regardless, you do sound very paranoiac/anxious, so if I had to bet I'd bet that's the most likely answer.

Beyond that and obviously not being a woman, not having been in a relationship in a long time and generally not being the jealous type, there's something that bothers me when I read things like this.

I have to assume that if he's your boyfriend then part of that is that you generally believe him to be a decent person, correct?, and I imagine the same applies as her as a friend. Then if that's the case why are you so suspicious about them when there's nothing concrete? either you think they're capable of something so vile (in which case I wonder why would you choose to associate with them at all) or you think they're better than that (and you can always misjudge people but a certain level of uncertainty is just inevitable when it comes to humans) in which case you should realize these thoughts are irrational and self destructive, not that it means you can just turn them off, but at least fully recognize for what they are.
 
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Dagoon

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You are as I was. Now I just repeat to myself, you know what, if they are going to be unfaithful then they will do it regardless of what I say or do. And if they do. Its not you they are cheating on. Its themselves they are lying to. Because you are the one they are loosing. But! The liklihood of it happening is as much as it not happening. So dont push them away. Live your life and enjoy your time with them.
I hope you work it out.
 
S

Sapphirepenguin9900

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I don't think anybody can really say whether there's something going on there, it all sounds very coincidental and small at best.

Regardless, you do sound very paranoiac/anxious, so if I had to bet I'd bet that's the most likely answer.

Beyond that and obviously not being a woman, not having been in a relationship in a long time and generally not being the jealous type, there's something that bothers me when I read things like this.

I have to assume that if he's your boyfriend then part of that is that you generally believe him to be a decent person, correct?, and I imagine the same applies as her as a friend. Then if that's the case why are you so suspicious about them when there's nothing concrete? either you think they're capable of something so vile (in which case I wonder why would you choose to associate with them at all) or you think they're better than that (and you can always misjudge people but a certain level of uncertainty is just inevitable when it comes to humans) in which case you should realize these thoughts are irrational and self destructive, not that it means you can just turn them off, but at least fully recognize for what they are.
.

It is strange because if you asked me two months ago I would probably be like “nah that’s silly it would never happen” and now because I have ‘evidence’ my whole view of them has changed like I look at my friend sometimes and just hate her. I know it’s probably the BPD but yeah I dunno.
 
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Sapphirepenguin9900

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So I spoke with a friend who I can trust about this. She so happens to of been best friends with said friend for 10 years. I explained my anxiety and said I wasn’t accusing just get silly thoughts. I feel embarrassed even mentioning it to her but she always seems to help a little. She says that friend would never do that. It helps a little and I hope she’s right even if I don’t think it. It’s not like I can just get rid of the thoughts but she helps.
 
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Sapphirepenguin9900

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So I sent my boyfriend another message at 12:45 last night saying goodnight after still hearing nothing and 3 minutes later he replied with “my phone died” of course now I’m worried it’s a lie to cover something up :/
 
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karl7

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i agree with what the other posters say.....i think youre overthinking this
 
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Sapphirepenguin9900

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i agree with what the other posters say.....i think youre overthinking this
maybe, it’s just annoying because when those stupid time stamps match up I start getting anxious. Like he just now be woke up and sent me a message 4 minutes ago on Snapchat and now he is looking at Facebook but her active status thing says “active 4 minutes ago” right when he sent the message to me. Also he hasn’t replied to my message on Facebook yet like he doesn’t want me to see idk.
 
A_Wilted_Daisy

A_Wilted_Daisy

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It sounds like they both spend a lot of time online. So do I. So do tons of people - especially these days. Also remember that even when people are online, they aren't necessarily "there" the entire time. They could log in and wander off to do other things.
 
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Sapphirepenguin9900

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It sounds like they both spend a lot of time online. So do I. So do tons of people - especially these days. Also remember that even when people are online, they aren't necessarily "there" the entire time. They could log in and wander off to do other things.
she doesn’t actually use Facebook messenger to talk to people. She speaks to most her friends including me on text which is why it worries me.
 
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JeanPierre

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Listen. It doesn't even matter.
You must, must put this in the "I cannot change this", "I cannot fix this" box.
You must stop following these people. It's stalking.
What all the others say dear, this is a problem with you.
The lockdown stress is real.
Let us know how things go.
I promise it will get better.
 
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