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Favourite Person

SwanLake

SwanLake

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
1,169
Although I’ve always had BPD I’ve never had a Favourite Person, until recently that is. From what I’ve read it would appear normal that you share your emotions, your past traumas and inner fears with them. Unfortunately I found that jealousy (which I don’t normally suffer from), that is jealousy in her giving her time to others, came to the fore. Although I knew she spoke to lots of other men, it was only one person that affected me, most probably because he was the one individual that I could see them exchanging posts. My emotions were so intense it was as though I was grief stricken every time I saw his name. I was honest and told her of my feelings but the next thing I knew was for three consecutive days when we were chatting she would send me poems or nice things that he had sent to her. As if she was goading me to react, or that’s how it felt. I once again explained my pain and suffering to her and she agreed not to be friendly with him anymore. However the next thing I know I look on a forum and there they are super friendly together. I said I’d seen your posts and her response was if it upsets you don’t look.
My question is does every FP do this, I thought they were meant to care for you and have your wellbeing at heart but although she knew she was my FP exhibited such insensitivity towards my emotions and feelings, as though she was laughing at me and enjoying me suffer. Is this just my emotions being shattered?
Anyway after lying to me saying she hadn’t said she wouldn’t be friendly with this individual, I just said bye and haven’t communicated with her since. It been two maybe three days now. So another question, how quickly can you get over a FP and eradicate them from your thoughts because it’s bloody painful to feel so belittled, humiliated and be taken for such a fool when you realise they had absolutely no feelings about you when you were convinced they had.
Sorry been rambling really whilst I try and get my thoughts together. Any advice would be appreciated. 😞
 
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Girl interupted

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Nov 17, 2018
Messages
2,009
Stop giving her your power. You are in control.

The pain will go in time, but you have to occupy your days with something productive.

She is not worth even a second of your thoughts. She is in the business of exploiting the vulnerable.
 
AnxiousE

AnxiousE

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Joined
Jan 8, 2020
Messages
3,447
Location
USA
funny you mention the ...oh wait. I read it wrong. Ok, so in my case, my FP sent songs and memes and other such things of the like to cheer me up. I thought these were special and just for me, you know, like in response to my pain. However, it turns out he had shared this one particular song with this other girl (that I really despise) before me and so it was just a generic thing or he liked us equally and the fact that I really disliked her just got me even more upset and hurt since she got it first. My FP didn't explicitly know he was my FP though, because at the time, I didn't even know about the concept of an FP. So I didn't think he was intentionally trying to hurt me. And it wasn't like a really public or obvious fact that he shared with her first...it's because I started digging through his FB. Unfortunately, I wasn't wise enough to this fact of an FP so I continued feeling a roller coaster of ecstasy and anxiety with this person until I pushed him to break it off with me. I'm blocked from texting him, but not blocked entirely, so I can still see his page. I'm not sure if that's prolonged the pain or made it easier to gradually move on. I still view it from time to time and guess what...he's from another country, she's from mine. The two of them finally met it appears. I was crushed at this at first. I thought he'd had seen enough of her crazy by now, but apparently they are two of a kind and I suppose they deserve each other! I still like to think well of him, and I don't even mean harm to her (except that maybe she not be friends with him anymore), but it's probably best to see it as it is and that they're just not good enough for ME. Yeah? Whatever it is, we just weren't meant to be. It's going on 3 years this September (i think) since we last spoke. Hate to say it, but it took me at least a good 1.5-2years to fully process and accept this with therapy and medication and choosing trustworthy friends and being extra careful not to be "too much" for anyone.
Sigh. Welcome to the club! (sorry it's not the most fun of clubs :p)
 
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EstherRose94

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Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
2,893
Location
USA
Well in my opinion she shouldn’t have promised not to talk to him. She should have just been honest with you and said like you two can be friends but she’s also friends with this other person. I think maybe if you guys had some reasonable boundaries like that it’d work better cause realistically you can’t expect her to not talk to other people. And then yeah it might still hurt but you’d come to accept it and it wouldn’t hurt as much with time. Same goes for you too! You can have other people you talk to also and can be realistic about your expectations of your friend.

I know that’s kinda blunt, I know it’ll take work to get to that point, but ultimately it’ll make you feel better because she didn’t really betray you, you both kinda played a role in making the situation really intense.

It’s not necessarily your fault either of course since you can’t help feeling the way you feel. But dealing with jealousy means allowing yourself to feel it and overcome it. Not trying to get rid of situations where you might feel it. Easier said than done, trust me I know.
 
SwanLake

SwanLake

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
1,169
funny you mention the ...oh wait. I read it wrong. Ok, so in my case, my FP sent songs and memes and other such things of the like to cheer me up. I thought these were special and just for me, you know, like in response to my pain. However, it turns out he had shared this one particular song with this other girl (that I really despise) before me and so it was just a generic thing or he liked us equally and the fact that I really disliked her just got me even more upset and hurt since she got it first. My FP didn't explicitly know he was my FP though, because at the time, I didn't even know about the concept of an FP. So I didn't think he was intentionally trying to hurt me. And it wasn't like a really public or obvious fact that he shared with her first...it's because I started digging through his FB. Unfortunately, I wasn't wise enough to this fact of an FP so I continued feeling a roller coaster of ecstasy and anxiety with this person until I pushed him to break it off with me. I'm blocked from texting him, but not blocked entirely, so I can still see his page. I'm not sure if that's prolonged the pain or made it easier to gradually move on. I still view it from time to time and guess what...he's from another country, she's from mine. The two of them finally met it appears. I was crushed at this at first. I thought he'd had seen enough of her crazy by now, but apparently they are two of a kind and I suppose they deserve each other! I still like to think well of him, and I don't even mean harm to her (except that maybe she not be friends with him anymore), but it's probably best to see it as it is and that they're just not good enough for ME. Yeah? Whatever it is, we just weren't meant to be. It's going on 3 years this September (i think) since we last spoke. Hate to say it, but it took me at least a good 1.5-2years to fully process and accept this with therapy and medication and choosing trustworthy friends and being extra careful not to be "too much" for anyone.
Sigh. Welcome to the club! (sorry it's not the most fun of clubs :p)
You sound exactly the same as me with the songs etc. I thought all the lyrics were personal to me, at least until I asked her and she said no I just like posting songs lol. Although one that was negative I said to her I think that’s a bit unfair to which she replied it’s not to you it’s to someone else. Anyway I don’t like FP and hope I never find one again. I shouldn’t as my wife has blocked all access to any social media for me. That’s taken so much stress away from me. 😁
 
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EstherRose94

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
2,893
Location
USA
Lol once my bf was singing some breakup song and I was like “omg you’re dumping me!”

He wasn’t dumping me lol.
 
N

Nukelavee

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
1,767
Location
London, ON
You need to remember - not everybody has FP's. Does this girl have BPD? If she doesn't, she's not going to have an FP, not in the way you do.

Next - just because you feel this way about her, doesn't mean she ever felt the same back. Not exactly the same. Nobody will feel things like you do, they aren't automatically going to realize what being your FP means to you.

Go read up again on favourite people, and look at teh negative ways we can feel and think about them.

Dude - if you have a wife - that needs to be your favourite person. Mixing married life with the feeling of a FP is a bad idea.

The issue is that it's like having a crush - so, how long does it take for you to get over a crush or ex?
 
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