• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Father is flipping out today

J

jdohe

Active member
Joined
Jul 26, 2009
Messages
42
I thought my dad's mental state was improving, but today he's been bumbling around the house whimpering and talking to himself. He is a bit of a drama queen in that he often puts his hands to his head and slightly staggers a bit when he knows he is in line of sight of me. He never does this when he doesn't have an audience. His mother used to do something similar - she would keep a walker by her chair and act as if she couldn't move 6 inches without it, however when you would drive up to her house she would have her curtains open and you could see her walking around normally all over the place - yet after you rang the doorbell, she would go into walking like Tim Conway doing his little old man character on The Carol Burnett Show.

I just got done following my dad around as he was going to throw away food that he thought was too old. The problem there is that the food he was about to throw away was maybe a month old. He's got cupboards full of food that is between 1 and 10 years old that just linger on.

He just feigned another stagger in front of me... and this routine is only going to get considerably worse once the adopted daughter gets back from her 2 weeks in Manhattan. Now he is pulling one of her portraits off the wall and is trying to figure out how to send it. Instead of sending just the portrait, he is going to send the entire bulky and tacky frame with it - a frame that my aunt will definitely replace. This brings up another of his odd habits - his obsession with that girl and portraits. In this house, there is one small photo of me, and one each of by 2 brothers - however there are over 150 portraits of that girl stuck on almost every wall in the house other than the garage and the bathroom.

I wish some people would reply and offer me their comments, suggestions, and questions. I wonder about my own mental health. I feel as if I am living in a hopeless nuthouse.
 
A

Apotheosis

Guest
The entire World is an Insane Asylum - We are all living in loony Land. Try to see the funny side, & maybe get some foibles of your own.
 
J

jdohe

Active member
Joined
Jul 26, 2009
Messages
42
The whole world, and something new today...

I would agree that the whole world is an insane asylum. Dr. Heidegger's Experiment comes to mind...
How else could we be stuck with such lousy world leaders and runners up such as Carter, Bush, Bush, Obama, Gore, McCain, Hillary, Kerry, etc.
Anyway, that is the political angle of worldwide insanity.
-----------

Something new with my dad today.. as I have mentioned, his wife - whom he didn't get along with - died suddenly of a massive stroke 2 months ago. Since then, my father has been acting more mentally unstable than usual. This morning I may have picked up on a possible explanation for that. I suspect that he imagines his deceased wife is now 'haunting' him. To be blunt and consise, she was a lifelong stubborn, belligerent, uncooperative, pain in the ***. I think what I will try and work on is to gradually make the memories of her fade away. It won't be easy to erase decades of mental cruelty. Some huge problems which can't be erased are the 3 dogs and 3 cats - which all have severe behavior problems and will probably outlive my father, and the adopted daughter who has done absolutely nothing with her life, has never done anything for anybody including herself, and now has between $42,000 and $62,000 of money to play with since her adopted mother's passing. That money is mostly money the mother had stolen and hid away in seperate bank accounts. Now the adopted daughter has no reason to cooperate with my father in any way at all.
 
bluenomore

bluenomore

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 30, 2009
Messages
5,527
I'm not sure what your 'rant' is about?

One moment, you are accusing your dad of faking his illness, and next moment you are complaining about how crazy he's acting.

:confused::confused::confused:

It sounds as though you are exasperated. That is how a lot of people feel about people with mental health issues. It's not easy to be a carer (if that's what you are). Maybe you should see your own doctor and explain how you are feeling.
 
S

*Sapphire*

Guest
With all due respect did you grow up with 'the adopted daughter' and his 'deceased wife'? Because in my opinion from the sounds of your posts you have more negative feelings towards them than your dad, who you talked about as your initial reasons for worry.

I'm not trying to upset you, but it sounds as though you yourself have a lot of issues concerning these persons and I think Blue may be right in his reply to these posts. Perhaps you talking to someone like a counsellor will help you to come to terms with everything that has happened that you seem to be unhappy or frustrated about.

I know from experience that it is difficult to help someone else when you have powerful personal feelings about a situation. Personally I'm not sure that 'gradually make the memories of her fade away' will help at all. I think all memories are valid and you can't force someone to feel the same way you do about those memories. Your fathers memories of her might be very different from yours, and forcing him to believe what you do, may make him feel/behave worse.

I really personally believe that in order to help your father you may have to address your own residual feelings about your adopted sister and step mother (if that is what they were), so you can help him in a completely non biased way. If you can not put your own personal feelings aside perhaps the best way forward is to suggest to your father that he seeks professional help from a completely unbiased person like a therapist or counsellor.

I hope you all get the help you feel you all need :)
 
J

jdohe

Active member
Joined
Jul 26, 2009
Messages
42
thanks for the replies

I should have been more clear about the "faked" illnesses of my father. Basically, he has normal blood sugar and normal blood pressure, and normal cholesterol, yet he insists he has diabetes, high blood pressure, and is about to have a stroke. He has all the blood sugar testing devices and blood pressure devices and he picks the worst readings that he gets very rarely and reports them to his doctor. As most people know, those readings can vary a lot depending on if you take them after waking up, after a meal, etc. I assure you his readings are just at the high side of normal. Ironically, he almost never takes his blood pressure medication nor diabetes medication because he says it makes him feel tired. Why insist you have these conditions and go to doctor for them and then not take the meds? Also, I found out he IS taking some leftover Paxil from his deceased wife - which is illegal for one thing, and dangerous since Paxil has some serious side effects. He also clearly fakes some acts of physical imbalance when he has an audience.

As for my problems, I actually do have high blood pressure, its almost always quite high. I never mention it to anybody though. I have a gallbladder problem which manifests itself into extreme pain which cannot be concealed and cannot be alleviated with pain medication. This problem re-occurs about every 4 months and the duration of pain lasts about 8 hours and happens 6 hours after eating.

I do have problems, and my dad is supposedly trying to help me with them, however, he is making my problems worse - not better - because of his behavior. The situation with his pleading in a desperate wail for "jesus help me", "oh god", "yes sir", combined with the problem of 3 dogs and 3 cats all peeing everywhere in the house and crapping in the house, and eating their own feces, and barking non-stop for 3.5 hours at a time, and wearing holes thru the doors and destroying all the furniture in the house is not helping.

The adopted daughter returned from her 2 week trip around Manhattan today. I will post another message about her because this one is already too long.
 
J

jdohe

Active member
Joined
Jul 26, 2009
Messages
42
Return of adopted daughter

A previous reply implied that the problems were mainly me and not the other people I have mentioned. That is not true at all. I didnt even live here for several years and those same problems were going on here the entire time (dogs and cats making a mess of house, daughters incredible behaviors, etc). With the dysfunctional adopted mother gone, many of the problems should be going also, but so far, they really arent. The only significant changes are that now my dad is eating a lot better due to my cooking - instead of living off of TV dinners and garbage for so many years which is what was going on with his wife. Other significant change is that I insist that the two messiest dogs stay in the 2 car garage and 1200 sq ft screen enclosure outside. That has reduced the smell and mess in the house considerably - although there is still 3 cats and one other dog in house 24/7, and the 2 messy dogs still pee and poo in the house whenever the daughter lets them in. Oh, one reason she lets the dogs in is because my dad brings her meals to her bedroom - she doesn't eat them - and feeds them to the dogs.

This message is also too long.. Im going to post one more for today after this one.
 
J

jdohe

Active member
Joined
Jul 26, 2009
Messages
42
Tell me if this is dysfunctional behavior

That 19 year old adopted daughter returned from 2 week trip of Manhattan today. That trip was the idea of my aunt who lives in NY to help her with her grieving. That is ridiculous because that girl really doesn't care about anyone and is completely self-centered and selfish.
Here is one new example that I dont think I have mentioned before because it is so unbelievable. Just 3 days after my dad's wife had a sudden and unexpected massive stroke which put her into a coma from which she never emerged, the girl went to a party at her friends house. That alone is incredible to me but it gets worse. The day before the party, they were told that there was no chance of recovery for the mother and that she could die within hours. The next day - the day of the party - my dad was going to see his wife in the hospital before she died BUT he was delayed getting there because he had to drop the adopted daughter off at the PARTY!! And by the time my dad did get to the hospital, his wife was dead! While the girl is partying it up a few miles away - her adopted mother is dying. Is that incredible or not? That behavior continues - for example, just 3 days after the funeral, the girl went and had her nails done for $88.00 at a salon! With all the money my dads wife stole from him over the years, he hasnt got a lot left and we can't afford to have a/c on at a comfortable temperature, can only afford basic cable tv, and my dad is driving 10 year old van. The girl and the wife's sister got all the stolen money and my dad got nothing.

Finally, the girl has this routine that just about everyone falls for. She tells everyone she loves them. She says it every few minutes in any conversation. However, her "love" is disingenous. She loves people at about the same level as I love a grilled cheese sandwich with a pickle. It reminds me of a comedy sketch on a tv show in which a fat opera star is eating a huge block of provologne cheese. The opera star is begging his "godfather" for help and he gets it. The opera star then says "god bless you Don Cabellero! I owe you my life! If there is ANYTHING I can ever do for you, just name it!" Then Don Cabellero says "well, you could start by giving me a piece of that provologne... " and the opera guy defiantly says "no way! NO NO NO!" In other words, the opera guy's gratitude was non-existent. This is the same situation as this girl.
 
A

Ainsworth

Guest
Finally, the girl has this routine that just about everyone falls for. She tells everyone she loves them. She says it every few minutes in any conversation. However, her "love" is disingenous. She loves people at about the same level as I love a grilled cheese sandwich with a pickle.

if your above quote is true, why are you annoyed at that, that just clearly shows she has a confusion of what 'love' is.

shes was adopted (think i need to read your other posts) that in itself can cause problems with guidance and understanding.

do you talk to her about these things
 
G

GrizzlyBear

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Sep 22, 2008
Messages
971
With the dysfunctional adopted mother gone, many of the problems should be going also, but so far, they really arent..
Because she is being blamed for the actions/inactions of other human beings. Assuming all concerned are now 'mentally competent' adults....you, your dad and adoptive sister have to take responsiblity for the situations you find yourselves in. Best to focus on what you can do with your 3rd....because you have no control over them and theirs. (IMO)
 
J

jdohe

Active member
Joined
Jul 26, 2009
Messages
42
Quite a bit more than that

if your above quote is true, why are you annoyed at that, that just clearly shows she has a confusion of what 'love' is.

shes was adopted (think i need to read your other posts) that in itself can cause problems with guidance and understanding.

do you talk to her about these things
I don't know how many of my posts you have read, but the disingenous "love" problem is only one of several issues this girl has.

I won't repeat the list again in this post, but I do have a new one that just occurred. The girl just let the 2 most dirty dogs into my room - a room in which they are no longer allowed - and they peed and pooed on my floor. She didn't even blink an eye or consider cleaning it up. Instead, she gave them doggie treats!
 
J

jdohe

Active member
Joined
Jul 26, 2009
Messages
42
Blamed?

Because she is being blamed for the actions/inactions of other human beings. Assuming all concerned are now 'mentally competent' adults....you, your dad and adoptive sister have to take responsiblity for the situations you find yourselves in. Best to focus on what you can do with your 3rd....because you have no control over them and theirs. (IMO)
She isn't being blamed for anything. Quite the reverse. She is the way she is because she has received no discipline in her life from her parents nor her teachers. People typically say things like "oh she is a doll! she is so sweet!" about her. They are completely duped as to her true nature. She is all frosting with no cake.

I try not to repeat all the issues in every post, but I add this one example to help illustrate the lack of discipline problem. She has glasses and contact lenses but refuses to wear either. By law, teachers are required to make sure that students wear their eye correction. They don't! If asked about why she isn't wearing her glasses, she would lie to her teachers and tell them she had her contact lenses. That in itself is another problem - lying to teachers in that private Christian school. Think about this, she is now 19 and my father has just paid to have her get professional driving classes since she refuses to take lessons from anyone. Obviously, she is not going to be wearing her glasses nor contact lenses while driving. How would you like to be driving on the same road as her? When she plows into your car, or cuts you off, she probably won't even see you.
 
A

Ainsworth

Guest
I don't know how many of my posts you have read, but the disingenous "love" problem is only one of several issues this girl has.

I won't repeat the list again in this post, but I do have a new one that just occurred. The girl just let the 2 most dirty dogs into my room - a room in which they are no longer allowed - and they peed and pooed on my floor. She didn't even blink an eye or consider cleaning it up. Instead, she gave them doggie treats!
i have read most of your posts, isnt this to do with lack of guidance in her growing up, not havin rules or guidelines to adhere to with being met with unsocial behaviours.

im sure in one post you say she slept in the same room as her ad/mum until she was 14 (correct me if im wrong) i read them this morning and my brain is foggy atm. :(

ETA oops, see told you i was foggy, just saw the other post under mine, sorry
 
G

GrizzlyBear

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Sep 22, 2008
Messages
971
I was referring to your suggestion that everything ought to be okay now that the adoptive mother is gone. She (dead mother) isn't responsible for what goes on after her death, was my point.

I also pointed out that everyone needs to focus more on themselves. It's impossible for us to help you if what you want is for people to merely come along and agree with everything you say. You asked for suggestions.....I suggest everyone in the house has their own problems. If I felt you wanted to help her that might change my response - but you describe her as 'that 19 year old' - I don't feel comfortable with reading long lists of what is 'wrong' with someone when it seems to be coming from a place of unpleasantness and no sense of concern about your own behaviour.

This is how I read your posts.

(IMO)
 
J

jdohe

Active member
Joined
Jul 26, 2009
Messages
42
Not responsible after death?

I was referring to your suggestion that everything ought to be okay now that the adoptive mother is gone. She (dead mother) isn't responsible for what goes on after her death, was my point.

(IMO)
Assuming that the adoptive mother created the problems over a period of 19 years and more - why should she be exonerated from blame for what goes on after her death? I seriously doubt that it will be possible to fix the damage that she did.
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
D Anxiety Forum 6
Top