• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

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  • Thread starter THE MANDALORIAN
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Well-known member
Feb 3, 2020
London, Uk
Can trigger my acoustic hallucinations. It started in 2006.

A combination of cigarettes and garbage quality weed. Stress. And two back to back deaths in my family. Also. Preceded by two national tragedies. September 11th, 2001 being the first. I am a survivor.

A time traveler.

The voices are tiny. Like talking termites. Negative. Like trash talking. When someone may provoke a fist fight. But they are pussy as hell.

Like. Super pussy.

I mean. I survived 9/11. I only fear God.

I would do anything that was threatening me or my loved ones.

I am not in fear. I am from New York. I am not afraid of anything. I grew up watching Ninja Turtles. I loved weapons since a kid.

Once I mastered martial arts and weaponry. I knew I could do right always by being righteous about life. I learned to help and protect others. Always with honor.

Go ninja.

Well. I feared vents for about one second.

Air vents.


Ventilation shafts etc.

The voices stemmed from there.

It was very convenient.

For example. Low negative termites, trash talking with negative remarks. Provoking a fist fight. But not literally. Just enough to aggravate you. But without enough balls to actually confront you because they are scared to death.

For example. Thinking logically. Why go through the trouble of trash talking out of a fan or vent. When if they knocked on my door or entered my property. I can use my real life katana blade to cut their ears off?

I know that I can hospitalize an assailant with my bare hands. So no worries there? I know that my ninja stars are extremely sharp? But nope. Its all bullshit. Negativity.

Mental insecurities. Disguised as an illusion of reality. Why? Geez. I have a million reasons.

I have a PHD in clinical Psycology. Self educated. I am a serial entrepeneur. Genious.

Family guy. Philanthropist. God fearing man. Law abiding citizen. I love nature. I love life. I am a motivational speaker. I literally save lives daily.

Of course the deciever would look for ways to attack me? Common sense. Of course there are deeply rooted; seeded insecurities in the sub concious. I am an over achiever. In everything I do.

Now. I have everything to loose to allow anything to influence me. Especially anything negative. But notice how convenient this is.

It happens. Once a week as of the last week or so. Right before sleep.

If I smoke weed. Only Indica. Sativas are dangerous to anyone with any diagnosed mental challenge...

I have to make sure not to smoke at least 2 hours prior to sleep... This can cause a second episode.

But 2 out of 7 days. Is not bad. But Ill share a little secret with you.

The fact that I am on here. Sharing with you my way to over come it. Is the antidote.

I am conciously connecting with trillions of people online. Sharing my story. Healing both of our pains. Now the subconcious knows that we are not alone!

The small.... Teenie... Tiny.. Negative thoughts are wispers.... Wispers... They try to isolate us into a corner or voulnerable spot...

To attack us... Defenseless...to make itself appear like a mountain... When its not even a snow flake!!!

But. When we rationalize it for what it truly is.

We win.

We all win.

We set our selves free.

No more pain.

No more torment.

Its been 14 years of this bullshit.

I have had some negative people in my life. Talk bad about me. Here and there. But nothing more.


There is nothing bad to say about me.

Some people just envy. Hate. Offend. Hurt.

Or just want you to fail..

Well. Fuck them. Become a multi millionare. And pray for them. Wish them the best!

Delete certain negative people from your life.

Simple. Problem solved.

Ignore them.

That's outside of you.

Love yourself internally.

As for the negative. Termites. Talking negative. Laugh at them.

Pay that bullshit zero mind.

Continue to prosper. Continue to progress. Continue to grow.

I accept it. From time to time. I may hear some bullshit. If I experience an episode. I externalize it. I tell my wife.

I find an online forum to reprogram my own brain. I explain in full detail how I am in full control of my own mind and my own destiny. By simply ventilating. By showing you all the antidote.

By showing you how it works. And how easily it is defeated.

The voices run . .... Out of my head like little bitches... The subconcious hides them...

They may never return.

But if they do. I will be right here waiting. Katana blades sharpened mentally to decapitate all negative thoughts.

Just. Like that.

When I hear fans running it creates a white noise. Low. Low. And the voice would sneak in through that sound.

Can you imagine?

Its the most bizzare , stupid , little kid mentality thing I can think of?

Only a crack head can think of some dumb shit like that?

Thank God I am not a crack head.

This is why this is the last time I hear that bullshit.

If I ever hear that bullshit I am drug testing myself and checking into the emergency room myself!

So now that all of that is cleared. I can get excellent sleep! I have three business meetings tomorrow. I have churches and charities to help. I have things to situate in my own company. I have my children to reach out to and my parents to assist.

Plus. I have to study and upload my motivational courses online for free to help inner city youth programs and feed the homeless. ....

Thank you. And God bless everyone that reads this.

Anytime you need the antidote to acoustic hallucinations. Please read this.

You are special and unique and one of a kind. You are amazing in all that you do. May all of your dreams always come true.

We have the power to control our own mind.

Any one. Who needs assistance. Please write me on here. I am here at least once or twice per week!

Feel free to write me at any time! I will respond within one week!

May the force always be with you!

Last edited by a moderator:


Well-known member
Jan 5, 2011
HIya and Welcome to the forum. I hope you find us supportive and friendly


Well-known member
Feb 3, 2020
London, Uk
Yes. Its been one week. This post will be a one year live action test.

All are welcome to join me here. This platform will help us all.

Here is my weekly update: 2/10/2020

Excellent week. Maybe two small episodes that lasted about 20 seconds each.

Both occured today. The first and most severe. Maybe 17 seconds or more. Was during a nap where I woke up suddenly but stayed in bed resting. Assuring myself it would easily pass and it did.

Through out the day. I smoked my indica. Very low quantity. And only once. As soon as I woke up. This is an important factor. I want to also shed light on the topic of mary jane and how indicas are our solution. But I will write a new post reguarding that in its entirety separately. So stay tuned.

- I quickly jumped in the shower. I prayed and meditated. Got dressed. Gathered my family. Went for a picnic. Spent valuable family time cruising in the convertible sports car. Visited some family and friends. Then came home to watch some movies and tv. Like funny adventurous films etc. Light hearted content.

I drank a little cognac. A few ice cold beers. All moderate. Calculated and over an extensive; prolonged period of time.

I took a nap in between movies. I even did some business accounting in between. And during only the first part of my nap. The first panic or anxiety attack manifested for 16 seconds or less.

I feel back asleep. And we all got through it.

Later during that day. I wrote one of my business partners to ventilate some minimal things that had been bothering me.

Cleaning out the emotional hard drive!

Basic mental health maintenence!!!

Well. The day went great.

Right before bed. And as you know. I am CEO of my own corporation. Mondays are extremely important for me. They are also early early days. I will be on a flight in about three hours... This is regular for me.

Right when I am comfortable in bed. I rest for about one hour. And shazzam. A 3 second episode...

I stay in bed. Resting. Keeping calm. I continue my plan. I get up. I use the bathroom. And I remember my own post.

I surf online. I read it. And I realize. One more week cleared. I remember my weekly up date is due. Its excellent to build this study online with you all.

Funny thing is. My right ear has fluid. I can not hear anything on that side. I cleaned my ear out and just laughed to myself... All this nonsense episode of insecurities and negativity... When I had a marvelous day... And then I remembered!

I cant even hear out of my right ear!

My insecurity ran to hide!

As you can see. Reality. Clarity. Logic is the antidote!

So now.. .. My subconcious. Has to figure out another way to try to make the insecurity seem real...

And I am publicly humiliating and challenging my own mind! Lets get it on! Its a free learning seminar private in my own head.

Now. I am going to force my subconcious to work for me!

My own subconcious is running to hide because. There is no logic. Zero common sense. For me to hear anything. With an ear ache!

So. I win again.

We all win again.

This is great.. Just wanted to celebrate with all 998 trillion of you all; my brothers and sisters through time, space, infinity and beyond.

This is better than wining the Super Bowl of awesomeness and greatness.

It is a blessing how truly great and marvelous we all are.

Thank you all for all of your prayers and support. And may the good almighty and powerful lord continue to bless you.

You are young. You are powerful. And you are successful.

Continue to dream big because your dreams always come true.

See you next week!

May The Force Be With You!



Well-known member
Feb 3, 2020
London, Uk
Weekly update: February 17,2020

I know... It should have been yesterday... But I fell asleep late...

Here. We. Go.

Last week was a roller coaster ride.

It was good over all. Thursday. Proved the most challenging.

Because of it. Friday was on shaky grounds.

Thursday I had to be clear across the mountains on one of my other business ventures. A newly hired person in need of guidance befriended me.

So far. So good.

The day goes smoothly. But business was calm.

Towards the end of the day. And through normal conversation. It turns out that we both have a mutual person. We know and have worked with.

From then on. The attack was on.

I knew this other person hated me and spoke badly of me. This person has gone as far as spreading lies and rumors about me.

All untrue. With no basis or foundation other than hatred and envy.

In the moment. Of course in the moment. This tension triggers a panic attack. I quickly go into defense mode.

I hear an acoustic hallucination. Live and direct. For 2 seconds....

Spiritually. It was the perfect time for the devil to reveal himself. Hiding in a weak soul...

The business was picking up. ... Of course!

* I use my secret formula. Again. And again.

I pray. I power through!

I have the feeling of going home.

In a sense avoiding the verbal. Emotional. Psycological conflict.

My nature is non confrontational. As a Jedi Master... I am like Yoda + The Incredible Hulk.

So I rather turn to my holy bible and walk away from conflict. As much as humanly possible.

I know everything is on the line in this fairly new business development.

I go through all standard protocols.

And once again: I use the top secret formula.

"A snow flake/ negative thought; brought about in an unanticipated conversation... About a tactical, already easily identifiable uncomfortable/ aggravating topic-subject.

" Making itself appear like: A Mount Everest.

That is only one, little, bitsi , negative termite of a negative thought; which is weak as hell...

So. Lets be pragmatic here.

Was I in danger? No. Clearly.

Bullshit conversation? Yes. Obviously.

Unnecessary? Yes.

Non existent/ non factor in my life/ universe? Yes.

Is this temporary? 2 seconds maximum? Yes. And yes.

Ok. Certified for all available nuclear codes... Affirmative... Launching nuclear sequence mode...


Call President Trump for approval... Check... Authorization request to use deadly force on all terrorist... J.F.K... Foreign and domestic.... Check... To up hold our great constitution... Check... To answer the call above and beyond the call of duty...

Permission granted....

Predator drones... Coming online... Chewie... Prepare my FALCON!


Radar bleeps... Target identified... Locked in...

Fox 1.... Fox 2...

Direct hit! Lmao!!!!

* I Tony Robbins myself.... Ok. In my Mikey voice in Rocky .... Get up you son of a bitch.... Cause Mikey loves you! " Your gonna hear that little angel"

You. Tube. That speech from Mikey.. About life takes away....

** I tell myself in my Jim Rohn voice... Your going to be ok.

This will pass. In 2 seconds... Keep going... The laws of average will protect you...

*** I finish the day strong. I take of each client. I got my point across to my insecurities..

I. Am. In. Full. Control.

I will not be driven or pushed around in my own business.. Where I feed my babies... By any nonsense bs... Negativity etc... !!!

- The day was out best last week.

I used that negative moment and flipped the pancakes!

1. I used a negative and turned it into a positive.

2. I used that moment to mentor and bond with my staff.

3. We focused on integrity and character in my lecture.

4. We worked harder and emphasized on excellent customer service and enhancing client experience.

5. We laughed. We joked. We talked about business.

It was a blessing!

The day passed. We all moved forward deciding not to have conversations about.. Gossip or negativity and focus on the business to be the best we can be. ..

It was not until I did the accounting of the day..rewinded the security footage that I realized. The evil one, chose that moment to sabotage our daily success...

You should have seen how much harder we started to work.. And the day was amazing!

Through out the week. Traveling is a huge part for me. Its cool for the most part. But like anything. It can take a toll on you..

By Friday. I had only 2 business meetings. Heading home to pick up my family. I saw someone that upset me... I had seen that person early in the day. And then on my days end...

I prayed. I powered through.

I picked up my family. I reflected on a good but mentally challenging week. We laughed about Thursday and Friday. And I went on to enjoy my Sabbath with my loved ones.

I had time to pray and study. Meditate and reflect. Prepare for my following week.

I always organize myself and plan ahead. Reach out to my loved ones.....

One of the things my mentor and teacher says is; rewind the tapes... Then replay them as a comedy in fast foward speeds; like a comedy!

You reflect on each day. And literally move past anything that is not positive or propelling you closer to your dreams.

For me. There are many people I had to eliminate from my life. You may see them from time to time but its important to move past them.

You simply can not devote time to anyone whom does not deserve your time.

It can cause a headache. But its ok to feel or think that way. As long as you are respectful and cordial; while maintaining clear and present distance.

You have the right to avoid negative people, places , circumstances and things that are there to harm your pursuit of happiness.

For me its easy now.

No time. For bs. God bless is my mentality!

For this week. My aim and my personal challenge/goal. Is to continue to avoid negativity.

Yes. I am going as far as eating in new restaurants. To avoid the bad crowds etc.

I don't want to be around people who do not fight for a brighter future each day..

Today. Was excellent. For a day to day. I eliminated 95% of stress. Just by following those simple guidelines. Now tomorrow. My goal is 100%.

Every day I improve something in myself.

Instead of 6 sugars in my Starbucks. Maybe 5. 1.5 hours at the gym. To 2 hours. Little goals like that.

Less politics. More financial news.

Focus more on investing back, into my own company.

My business partners are going through drama.. I can advise from a far. I can help them through prayers. But I have to emphasize my own investments... I have my own opportunities for growth...

I have sacrificed for everyone long enough...

Now. Its. My. Turn.

Its hard for everyone to accept it.. But. Its only fair. Its only right.

I have to put my self first.

Because for years.. I was first to put myself last!

I realize.. I have to value myself!

Mental challenges.. Limitations... Barriers.. I embrace them. I understand that I am self curing myself. I do not internalize it. ..

I laugh at it. Today was 5% discomfort. 95% stress free. Tomorrow my goal is 100% stress free.

One day at a time...

Again. I get to share this with a trillion time travelers like myself... And together... We overcome this spec of a negative thought.

Thank you all for your time. Thank you for coming along in the journey of a time traveler. I pray that all of your hopes, dreams and aspirations come true!

God bless you all. Yes.. I am writing the book series already... And this will be a part of it... (Entrepeneur; shameless plug/ direct product marketing..lol)

Remember that you are young. You are powerful. And you are successful.

May The Force Always Be With You. ...



Well-known member
Feb 3, 2020
London, Uk
Weekly update: February 24rth, 2020.

Start of a new week. I am a small business owner so just putting my schedule together.

Great week last week. Very productive. I kept as busy as possible. I walked. I worked. I studied. I have finals for the following two more weeks. But so far. So good.

I had one really bad panic attack Saturday morning. This one was close to 2 minutes. I remained calm. I prayed and I powered through.

As I was meditating. A flurry of negative thoughts. But I quickly began dialogue with myself. I continued to do my yoga. I trained in my martial arts. I went to church. I took a nap. I watched a few movies and attended a baseball game; live.

Much needed peace with my family. I believe Friday I had a 35 second panic attack on my way home. I sat next to an ac unit. It triggered me. But I quickly listened to some Jazz to mellow out. Disconnecting from my environment.

I studied about limiting inputs to the brain. By simply avoiding inputs. I wear shades to avoid looking at people. I listen to music to disconnect from everything around me as much as possible.

I downloaded a motivational speech about yoga. Zen mode. I listened to it over my relaxation time. It works great. If you follow its course.

I did a little accounting for my business. While I streamed some prayer services online. I worked on a few budget plans. By the time I sat with my family. I had everything memorized.

I am in the process of new investments as well as expanding my current portfolio. So I am excited to announce that some key decisions have been made. And the potential for a good profit are very good.

I congratulate myself for overcoming all the minor challenges of the begining of my week. I am in the process of opening a new business. And each day I had to over come the thought of walking away. Getting a regular job elsewhere. And basically working for other people.

I decided to focus on my company and power forward. I acknowledge my good heart and my good intentions to want to help other companies. But at the same time maintaining my own path. To achieve my own goals. Prioritizing myself for once.

I am technology inclined. Most people don't understand technology. I embrace it. I accept that about myself. And move forward by not continuously explaining that to people around me; whom are not in the tech space.

I realize that it is a part of me. Again. I embrace it.

I realize that finally I am days from my new grand opening. And I have done everything by myself and my children.

I realize how stressful it was to keep everyone around me happy and motivated. I decided to be fully independent and focus on me. It has finally worked out.

I am more patient and calm. More wise than before. The people closest to me have finally understood. Everything has been organic as far as my growth. And opening this business will add to my peace of mind and quality of life.

So. I am looking forward to the future. I have a new house in development. Finally. So many little things to keep me going.

I have increased my exercise. I have decreased caffeine intake. My medical indica has also been lowered because any increase has inclined a panic attack. So. A little bit at a time. Is better than a higher amount overall. Little bit by little; timed works best. I am averaging once per day.

I am drinking frequent fluids to hydrate. I am working on increasing sleep time. I have increased my studies by 40%. I am working harder each day.

I have continued to avoid any situation that is negative or un productive.

I look forward to vacation and more time with my family. Summer time is close. So I look forward to many adventures.

I have also humbled myself. I am starting a new car collection. But all of these cars are 10% the price, altogether than, one of my older cars. So I am happy about that. Most of the cars don't run. But I plan to restore them and race them for charity before retiring them into my collection.

Another step forward.

So. Over all. Last week. I maintained a positive mental attitude 96.7% of the time. So for this week coming up, my goal is to improve by 3.5%

My aim is the same. Keep as busy as possible. Prepare my business for my grand opening. Protect my company and my vision and dreams from all negativity. Low input. Low interaction with the outside world. Focus on building the next fortune 500 company.

I hope that this helps anyone cope with mental challenges. Some days are better than others. But we together must continue to power through; forward.

I embrace my limitations. I view them with pragmatism. As it is. And power right through. I see truth. Not how I perceive things. Or want things to be. I accept that I am bettering myself each day.

I am open minded about it. I study. I learn. I implement. Every day gets better. In a few days. New business. New adventures. No more stress. No more worries. No wasting energy with nonsense.

That. Keeps. Me. Going.

My pursuit of happiness. And happiness starts now. Not when we win the lottery. Not when we have the big bank account or the mansion.

Not by any external force outside of oneself. I embrace that as well. I am happy and excited by my new business. I am so happy already. And its only going to get better.

So. Have an amazing week. See you here next time!

May the force be with you.



Well-known member
Feb 3, 2020
London, Uk
Weekly update: 2/29/2020

I fell asleep listening to my bible studies. I woke up in the middle of an argument with myself. I caught my subconcious arguing with my bible study?

I tried to reason with my subconcious mind. Then I realize all three inputs. Concious. Sub concious. And my bible prayers... I was like.. Wait?

I am not going to reason with nonsense!

I am in full control. Everything is as I designed. My goal was 97-98% mental peace. I was at 96.7%..

Still a 1.7% improvement over last week.

Mission accomplished.

Trauma moments? Very few. Again. I have experienced travel time stress. I travel frequently. I realize how much it has... Well. Caused stress.

Crackhead percentage... 3%. Thank God!

So. Everything is improving.

Things take time. I had plenty of highlights through out the week. Still hunting for the new house. New opportunities have opened up. New education potential.

I have spent quality time with the family. New business ventures are in development. Only maybe two situations caused me mental strain and anguish.

For an entire week. I am excellent. I am closer to 100% than ever before.

What has worked best?

Simple. Maintaining distance from negativity.

I knew from the very begining that this was the answer.

I can not wait to get into my new house. My new neighborhood. Everything. New furniture. New decor. All new everything. Vacation very soon! Again.

Other than that. I realize another thing. I will give you a mental example..

I was driving along and I hear a harley davidson. Soft tail. But an older model. ..

Person is just cruising to the sounds of older music. And the rumble of the engine...

It vibrated the entire highway... Roaring at a cool speed. Matching helmet. Gloves. Leather jacket. Just awesome. .. Really enjoying life... You could feel the freedom. The happiness... Even the adrenaline rush on the coast line, as surfers are beach dolphins.. Life is great.

I think about my family in Europe. .. Back home. .. Culture. Respect. Dignity. Faith. The food. Everything. Even the coffee houses and internet cafe's..

In Europe. There is more respect and consideration of others.... In general.

A biker. Has a bike. Rides a motorcycle. A painter. Paints. A chef cooks.. Etc.. That is their peace.. Their zen..

Well. Security stems from inner identification. They each relate to their hobby or craft or perhaps art...

When they face day to day life.. Well. That hobby time re strengthens their personality... They are more secure...

In relation to myself. I am missing that...

I need that in my life.

I have been building cars for years. I am starting a race car build for charity. I will raise money for the homeless. And churches to help families in need.

For a few weeks.. My stresses placed that in the back burner... But I realized... Its time to return to the race track...

Also. The Le Mans... Of a successful life.

I want to live.. Feeling alive... I miss my Porsche. I miss my Ferrari and I miss my Lamborghini...

In my heart of hearts...

Even if indeed it is a Toyota Prius...

Its not the car. The value. The price and the prestige. But more my connection to the road. The music. The wind in your hair... The actual drive...

Meaning. Its a simple solution.

More negative thoughts... I push towards more positive actions..

More negative in the mind.. More positive input.

Counter balancing to find our own balance inside. And our own zen.

God Bless you on your journey. I pray this can reach you and help.

I had a great week. I had minor set backs. But now I have used that to create an even higher positive goal.

Next weeks goal: 99% peaceful state of mind!

May The Force Always Be With You.



Well-known member
Feb 3, 2020
London, Uk
Weekly update: 3/17/2020

Its been two weeks. I am sorry...

No trees... Mentally 85% less drama. 94.5% less panic attacks. I have avoided uncomfortable situations. 100%.

Over all feeling... Productivity... Positive mental attitude? 99.875%!

Record high since starting my logs here!

What a roller coaster ride. No weed..nothing..

I can clearly see how weed. As much as I love it. Does in fact harm me. Especially in any amount higher than one flower bud. Were talking 5 cm to 7 cm max.


I identified how it added to the stress. So I quickly decided. None this week... Than the following week. Did the same.

Earlier. I thought about smoking. I immediately caught my sub concious.... Mind.... I started to hear voices... Where there had been none for months!


The pre programming!

I immediately activated the Defcom protocols... Hell no was I going to smoke....and stress out!

No way!

I am in full control!

I knew that I had very important business decisions. I could not afford to make emotionally. Or mentally blurred...

Great decision. I am so proud of myself!

Then. All smaller events led to an epic, emotional show down. .

I had like 6 or 7 business trips lined up. One minor business set back.... A little stress... Maybe 18%.

I clearly decided to see things how they are. Not how I may or may not wanted to see...

I reached out to my toxic loved ones. I expressed my intentions.

They. Were honest.

They clearly displayed their plot to sabotage all of my efforts...

I thanked them for their honesty.

I hold no judgement.

I actually thank them!

I had prayed. ... I sat with my wife and kids for council..I reached out to my financial advisors.

I signed the executive orders... To cancel my business trip to visit them!

1.) I saw everything for what it is.

2.) A prayer answered in which they all expressed their disdain for my arrival.

3.) I thanked them for their honesty.


5.) I. WIN.

6.) Victory is mine!

7.) I planned my vacation outright!.

They were so surprised at my reaction.

It takes two to fight...

I simply ... Walked away...

Johnny Walker.... "Keep Walking"

JEDI mastery at its finest.

A.) I chose me and my mental stability and healthy state of mind.

B.) I did not allow any external forces to harm me; spiritually, mentally, verbally or emotionally.

C.) I choose the higher ground and won. By simply selecting not to engage.

D.) I used my love and faith LIGHTSABER.


99.8%? My toxic loved ones accounted for only a less than 2% damage to my inner Zen; peace...

Progress indeed. Finally!

Beautiful growth and development; self fulfilment as a person.

A human being as a whole once again!

Next week. My goal is that elusive 100%!!!!!

I am focused. I am determined. I am ambitious. I am vigorously pursuing my happiness. I am building my dreams daily!

Peace of mind and total bliss...

Dreams Come True... This is my time!

I choose happiness. ..

For the first time in my entire life!

I. Choose. Me!!!

I am saved!

I am in control!

I am not a victim!

Nothing can stop me!

I will not stop untill I accomplish my goals.

I will not quit until I reach my dreams.

I will never surrender.

I will never give up.

I will work twice as hard to brake every obstacle in front of me.

I am in BEAST MODE !

Have a blessed and talented week!

God has a special plan for you.

Follow your dreams.

We have one life to make them happen!

Lets all make it happen!

Youtube: Eric Thomas. Motivation.

May. The. Force. Always. Be. With. You. All.



Well-known member
Feb 3, 2020
London, Uk
Weekly update: 3/26/9998

Death in the family. Non covid 19 related. But still painful. My family is well. These following weeks will be challenging.

I pray this stimulus package is approved soon. My prayers go out to all humans. I pray this plague passes your time line quickly.

I have had an amazing week other wise. Only two stressful situations. Both yesterday when getting the news. An elder in the family passing.

The second. A huge purge. A deeply rooted argument with my family.

One 2 second, panic attack while praying. I continued to pray. And reflected. 1899... First automobile crash... Sorry..my time traveler stuff.

I have not medicated with canibus for 4 weeks. I admit. I thought about it yesterday. And the day before.

My concern is having an episode.... Also. I a have been making multi million dollar business decisions.

It really helps me in so many ways. But emotionally. I can not afford to have anxiety.

I have decided to wait until covid19 is behind us.


I love canibus. But. I have complete control of my self. Even with my prescription... I have had to restrain... I am focused!

I realized a few things about many aspects; of myself.

1.) ... And I can't stress this one enough.

My family is very abusive towards me. I have a high education. I am an over achiever. So I threaten their norms.

So they attack me on everything..

Nothing I can ever do is good enough, because they themselves have the issues.

Most of my relatives showcase the same aggression each, in their own unique ways.

All I can do. Is continue powering through.

2.) I know the antidote.

Turn all negatives into positives.

I acknowledge the issue. A.

I do not internalize the issue in its entirety.

Cause. Problem. It's distribution. Effects.

Long term. Short term.

I understand by deep analysis. Learn. Adapt. Review. Improve. B.

I seek to select through deeper found; healthy state.

Engage. Or. Avoid collision.


I avoid the collision. C.

Now I implement a new solution; selective, based on more positive outcomes. D.

* I learn from the interchange/ purge of deep rooted, profound, sub-con feelings. By analyzing all inputs.

Internal. External. By all individuals. By all elements of the collective.

** I identify based on proven sciences and methods. What the prognosis is. 1.

Status. 2.

Capacity. 3.

Propensity to recur. 4.

Solution options? 5.

Then. Angle in selection and implementation. 6.

Execution of game plan. 7.

** I focus on further product development, for my own company.

I allocate extra engineering time through further research and prototype development.

I secure more creative platforms by securing more creative time to brainstorm; all new concepts and ideas.

*** Instead of an emotional collision.

I regroup and focus on what is guaranteed sure, to secure a future for my children and my family financially.

Both short and long term.

It saves lives world wide.

It helps markets. Demographics of different cultures and contributes to stimulate the global economy.

It stimulates the local economy.

It places that energy. Towards. A positive. Out come.

- - -

Me wasting time. Reasoning with my relatives. Is exactly that. A waste of time.

Me focusing on growing my business. Is my responsibility.

Me securing our financial future. Is my responsibility.


Not focusing on the ghost in the shell.

Not seeing things from my point of view.

That is private. I maintain that reserved.

Not seeing things from my relatives point of view.

Everyone is entitled to their own unique perspective.

I already both understand and accept the given.

Everyone does not want a BMW. Not everyone loves Barbeque sauce.

My relatives are entitled to their opinion.

I focus on the truth.

I focus on reality.

I aim to see things as they are.

My family has issues. Out side of me.

They always will.

I have my point of view. That is private.

They have their point of view that is also private.


I also have a future to build for myself and my family. No matter what.

Agree. Or disagree.

No matter what.

The entire family is my responsibility.

My family will always be my responsibility.

No matter what.

I accept it. I acknowledge it.

I have my own reserved feelings about it. But. Still.

It is my responsibility.

Furthermore. I must lead by example. In times of crisis as in times of peace.

Like the Patriots or not. This is my team. And I am still Tom Brady.

Now in Tampa Bay.

I am still. Tom Brady.

By focusing on moving my company forward. I can focus on better positioning our business for a better return from COVID19..

I can not wait on a stimulus package. I can't wait for economic recovery after the health recovery. I can not focus on the next presidential elections.

I have to work 12 times harder now.

Now is not the time for anything other than war.

I am a war time President.

I deal with everything like this.

Life is too precious to live in a negative way. Everyone must follow their dreams.

It took for me educate my self to see and understand the lack of education in my family.

I had to master psychology to understand my family. And myself as well.

An education opened the world of opportunities.

I wasted years trying to convince everyone close to me to start businesses and obtain an education to develop them successfully.

Building this new company has been both my highest investment. And the most emotionally challenging.

I pray that any negative challenges you may face. You use as fuel for a more positive out come.

It is the key to my success. In business I am excellent. Family? Well.... I am working on it.

See you all next week. God Bless.

May. The. Force. Always. Be. With. You.


Well-known member
Feb 3, 2020
London, Uk
Update: April 14, 2020

Been a while. But I have been thinking about reaching out.

This is how the human brain works. It does not want to share. Not with a therapist. Not with people dealing with similar issues.

But. Mental health is important. We make time for everything in life. I need to take time for mental peace.

Covid 19 has changed the world. Over 10,000 deaths in New York alone. Me being a September 11th survivor.

That day shaped my destiny. I am scarred for life.

The future began that day.

The second time jump was in 2012. Mayan calendar. The portal re opens.

Now. Corona virus.


Wtf? Is this?

Days of futures past... This is the plague.

I have been home schooling my babies. Keeping up with the stimulus. Small business will suffer. All families are struggling already.

Wealth in equality is at an all time high.

We pray to win this battle soon in the future..

I look at the world from a different lenz. I have traveled the globe many many times. Somethings make sense. Some don't. There is so much wealth all over the world. But limited happiness.

We all have dreams from our youth. Some come true. Others change. Some dissolve. But we are left to reflect. Learn.

While there are wars going on in the world. I at times fight a battle within.

I am completely socially abnormal. Yet I write books. An author wants their art to be shared with the world. Like a picasso.

But can you imagine a word wide star. That only feels comfortable while performing. Yet uncomfortable in day to day life?

Its similar.

Every once in a while. I still battle with negative thoughts. But over all. I have won the war.

I look at the world and wonder to myself at times. Trying to understand it?

I was broken by a person whom I loved dearly. We have a beautiful child together. This has probably been the most evil person in my life.

I will never understand why. Till this day. I try to understand it.

I love this lady. In the sense of prosperity.. My new goal is to pursue that pain in order to have my next break through.

I am re exploring the hurt caused by this person. The pain. The confusion.

It really hurts.

Mentally. I am rebuilding my heart. From the broken pieces. But I aim to re position these fragments.

Maybe my psychotic events stem from that heart brake. ?

I never thought about that?

I never had someone break my heart. It was my first everything. My first love.

It was abusive. This person did not want me. But also did not want me for anyone else.

I had so many great women whom wanted a serious committed relationship and a future with me. But she purposely stopped all interactions.

My relationship with my daughter has suffered from this. She is a young adult now. The same age as us when we became a couple.

We are almost finished with this lifetime custody battle. I left her everything in my name. But still. The thought of me being in pain, brings her joy.

I have prayed and forgiven; a lifetime ago.

But I challenge myself to look through the rubble. I thought there were less than 3,000 fragments to my heart.

I see now that there are over 10,000 pieces.

What can I learn in retrospect about myself?

Only one way to find out. This is moment one.

See you soon!'

May The Force Be With You....