R
Rebecca
New member
Hello,
I'll preface this by stating that I plan to see the university psychiatrist, and am not seeking diagnosis solely through an internet forum.
Recently, several members of my family stated that they think I have bipolar disorder.
I’ve suffered from ‘episodes’ of severe depression since I was around fifteen years old. I am now twenty-three, almost twenty-four. In the past, when treated with various anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications my symptoms worsened dramatically. My attitude became aggressive and erratic, and thoughts were constantly racing through my head. When I think back to the worst period (between the ages of sixteen and eighteen) I consider myself to have been insane, such was my break with reality. I completely lost a sense of perspective, debated and researched suicide, dragged my nails down the wall paper, and stopped eating for long periods of time, to the extent that I became so underweight that my hair fell out in clumps. Oddly, at the same time, I was more socially inclined than ever before. I had a very active social life, and a boyfriend.
After I realized that there was perhaps a link between the various medications and the erratic, ‘crazy’ behaviour, I told my doctor that I’d rather try to live without them. My symptoms have improved greatly since then (two years ago), however, I still experience milder ‘episodes’ of depression, and people frequently complain that I interrupt them and go through phases of talking constantly (very quickly and excitedly) for hours, “like a radio”. I have phases in between when I’m just ok and can get on with things without a problem.
This has really disrupted my life. I’ve dropped out of several courses, despite being an A grade student at school up until the problems began. This year, I’ve been getting back to how I was, in terms of A grades, since things have been relatively stable. However, it’s upsetting to achieve good grades all year, and then to have things unexpectedly go badly wrong, and end up with something much lower than what I was heading for. I feel like I have no control over my life and can’t make any plans, since I have no idea how I’ll feel later on. I frequently start things which I’m excited about, then when I become depressed I just abandon them. This year I’ve also been quite reclusive. I keep contact with my friends to the bare minimum. I’m not entirely sure why. Perhaps I’m just regressing to the way I was as an introverted child. I suppose it’s sort of an 18th century approach – avoiding things that are emotionally stimulating.
What I really wanted to ask is, do you ever feel disconnected from your mood? For example, crying despite not feeling sad at all? I get that very infrequently, maybe once a month, but it’s quite worrying. I’m not a crying sort of person, either. I don’t feel sad at the time, but I just cry constantly for a whole day. It’s as if I know it’s just a chemical / hormonal thing.
I should probably mention that I was diagnosed with anemia a few months ago (which can cause feelings of depression), though I’ve been fine for a while. I also have polycystic ovary syndrome. I also can’t take the contraceptive pill as it always makes me ‘crazy’ and irrational.
I think / know that I have mild OCD, but it’s manageable and I feel that through this behaviour I’m less anxious in general.
I haven’t spoken to any doctors about my mental health for over a year or two, so I’m reluctant to get back into it being an issue. Especially when it seems unlikely that anything I do will have a positive impact.
I’m not remotely close to how bad I was a few years ago, or when on medication, - so I’m sort of tempted to leave things as they are. I’m really just posting this since I had one of those disconnected crying days. When I’m just slightly depressed, or happier, I feel like it’s all in the past and not a problem.
N.B. If during depressed phases I sometimes have several nights of sleeping for between fourteen and seventeen hours, would that indicate bipolar disorder? Usually it’s eight hours a night, though sometimes I’ll stay up for over forty-eight hours. I had to sit a neuropsychology exam recently after over forty-eight hours without sleep. The thing is, I’m very productive when I’m like that; I managed to write two, 2,000 word reports and do all of the revision for the final year exam during that short time. I suppose if I do have it, it has it’s good points, though I’m depressed more often than in the frantic, productive mood.
I’m sorry this is so long.
I'll preface this by stating that I plan to see the university psychiatrist, and am not seeking diagnosis solely through an internet forum.
Recently, several members of my family stated that they think I have bipolar disorder.
I’ve suffered from ‘episodes’ of severe depression since I was around fifteen years old. I am now twenty-three, almost twenty-four. In the past, when treated with various anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications my symptoms worsened dramatically. My attitude became aggressive and erratic, and thoughts were constantly racing through my head. When I think back to the worst period (between the ages of sixteen and eighteen) I consider myself to have been insane, such was my break with reality. I completely lost a sense of perspective, debated and researched suicide, dragged my nails down the wall paper, and stopped eating for long periods of time, to the extent that I became so underweight that my hair fell out in clumps. Oddly, at the same time, I was more socially inclined than ever before. I had a very active social life, and a boyfriend.
After I realized that there was perhaps a link between the various medications and the erratic, ‘crazy’ behaviour, I told my doctor that I’d rather try to live without them. My symptoms have improved greatly since then (two years ago), however, I still experience milder ‘episodes’ of depression, and people frequently complain that I interrupt them and go through phases of talking constantly (very quickly and excitedly) for hours, “like a radio”. I have phases in between when I’m just ok and can get on with things without a problem.
This has really disrupted my life. I’ve dropped out of several courses, despite being an A grade student at school up until the problems began. This year, I’ve been getting back to how I was, in terms of A grades, since things have been relatively stable. However, it’s upsetting to achieve good grades all year, and then to have things unexpectedly go badly wrong, and end up with something much lower than what I was heading for. I feel like I have no control over my life and can’t make any plans, since I have no idea how I’ll feel later on. I frequently start things which I’m excited about, then when I become depressed I just abandon them. This year I’ve also been quite reclusive. I keep contact with my friends to the bare minimum. I’m not entirely sure why. Perhaps I’m just regressing to the way I was as an introverted child. I suppose it’s sort of an 18th century approach – avoiding things that are emotionally stimulating.
What I really wanted to ask is, do you ever feel disconnected from your mood? For example, crying despite not feeling sad at all? I get that very infrequently, maybe once a month, but it’s quite worrying. I’m not a crying sort of person, either. I don’t feel sad at the time, but I just cry constantly for a whole day. It’s as if I know it’s just a chemical / hormonal thing.
I should probably mention that I was diagnosed with anemia a few months ago (which can cause feelings of depression), though I’ve been fine for a while. I also have polycystic ovary syndrome. I also can’t take the contraceptive pill as it always makes me ‘crazy’ and irrational.
I think / know that I have mild OCD, but it’s manageable and I feel that through this behaviour I’m less anxious in general.
I haven’t spoken to any doctors about my mental health for over a year or two, so I’m reluctant to get back into it being an issue. Especially when it seems unlikely that anything I do will have a positive impact.
I’m not remotely close to how bad I was a few years ago, or when on medication, - so I’m sort of tempted to leave things as they are. I’m really just posting this since I had one of those disconnected crying days. When I’m just slightly depressed, or happier, I feel like it’s all in the past and not a problem.
N.B. If during depressed phases I sometimes have several nights of sleeping for between fourteen and seventeen hours, would that indicate bipolar disorder? Usually it’s eight hours a night, though sometimes I’ll stay up for over forty-eight hours. I had to sit a neuropsychology exam recently after over forty-eight hours without sleep. The thing is, I’m very productive when I’m like that; I managed to write two, 2,000 word reports and do all of the revision for the final year exam during that short time. I suppose if I do have it, it has it’s good points, though I’m depressed more often than in the frantic, productive mood.
I’m sorry this is so long.
