Family Issues Ruin My Life at Times

A

An0nym0us1

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Aug 15, 2018
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17
#1
I get on with my life as best I can but there are some underlying issues that are always there. On the surface it all seems fine but underneath I suffer with anger issues, depression and anxiety.

My story is so long I could actually write a book so for the purpose of this forum I will have to try and shorten it down.

So grew up with abusive father who had severe temper issues and I got some serious beatings. He even stabbed me in the bottom with a trowel at the age of 4. He had an affair and left when I was 15. I was used as a weapon between both parents which was confusing and upsetting.
At 15 got kidnapped by my father who rang my mother from various places with me crying telling her I was going to die. Police eventually found us and he was arrested. Didnt see him again for 5 years.
He suddenly appeared in a bar I was in telling me he wanted to see me. I gave him another chance. Always me doing the chasing, always being let down. He had new family with 5 more kids. After years of being let down decided to not see him anymore knowing id done all I could to make it work. Not seen him for 4 years.
At 18 years old I was homeless, mum moved away I wanted to be with my friends so I came back home by myself. Moved around various friends and family finally settled in one place with an Auntie. Whilst there she had a breakdown followed by lung cancer and then a month later she died.
Eventually moved in with my brother we were not close until then. He was 12 years older.
Met my current partner and changed my life for the better and Im still settled and happy with a good job, nice house and children.

But I suffer with stress a lot. I stress at the most stupid things. I think its linked to my anxiety. My heart races and I get stressed out.

I havent been back to the doctor since I overdosed at 19. The antidepressants made me feel worse. I have had a few counselling sessions.

My family are all very selfish and I have never been put first. They take take take and I get little or nothing in return. I dont see them that much and we are not close.

I think I am here because I would like to meet people who suffer from stress, anger and depression because of similar circumstances to me.

I hope someone who reads this can connect with me.
 
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Anon_21

Anon_21

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#2
I'm sorry you have suffered through so much. I'm glad you have a loving family now that you can depend on. As for your relatives, it is usually a good idea to cut out anyone toxic from your life, as that will just continue to add stress. Judging by your title and the difficult upbringing you had, they are definitely causing extra stress. There is nothing wrong in cutting them out of your life and focusing on what is important now, which is your partner and children.

I suffer the same symptoms as you, even with a loving partner/child and no history of abuse... Anxiety gets who it wants. You can look up natural remedies (on google or on this site) to find coping mechanisms, like meditation, breathing exercises, physical exercise, etc.

For me, I am turning back to medication. I don't really want to, but I'm a stay-at-home mom and don't want my stress and conflicting emotions to negatively affect my young daughter. If taking an unnatural drug with unpleasant side effects is what it takes to keep me calm and "normal" on the outside, then that is what I will do, at least until my life is a little more stable.

19 is very young to start taking antidepressants, so there is a chance they will affect you differently now. There is also a whole host of different kinds to try. What works for one person is garbage for another. I would suggest looking around for stress/anxiety management techniques and talking to a doctor about helpful tips as well. The doc can help you decide whether you want to try medication or not, or if something like therapy might be beneficial for you to work through some of those family issues and painful memories. Good luck to you.
 
A

An0nym0us1

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#3
Thank you, its good to find someone with the same feelings as me and a little comforting to know it can happen to anyone.

Ive had counselling and was told I had symptoms of PTSD. I had private through a scheme at work and after 10 sessions it came to an end. I have contemplated doing so again, I still haven’t decided.

At the moment I want to stay away from drugs but I am possibly interested in the herbal tyoe. Something to stabilise my moods, so Ill investigate further thank you.

I have learned that this is something I will probably battle with for some time yet. But I am trying to beat my demons and will continue to do so for my children. Exercise and healthy eating helps but when I get down I binge on junk food, usually for a day or two. Still, I go to the gym and try to eat good most of the time.

Thank you for taking the time to reply :)
 
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Anon_21

Anon_21

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#4
It sounds like you are already making positive improvements, so that is good! I've always had depressive tendencies so give up/get low very easily.

I've been scouring the site and my subscribed threads for a link that had some good vitamin resources on it and couldn't find it...finally realized it was for depression instead of anxiety :doh: But it all kind of goes hand in hand. Here it is: Vitamins for depression

And this is a site I had marked looking for natural alternatives to benzos: Natural Alternatives To Xanax, Ativan, And Anti-Anxiety Drugs - Reset.me

Not sure if either will be helpful. Theanine made my anxiety worse, but a friend swears by it. I bough inositol but haven't tried it yet. A lot of people say yoga is amazing for all sorts of things--even my husband has said he wants to try it lol

There was still another thread that I had found once that had all sorts of suggestions on it and I can't find it for some reason...if I come across it again I'll let you know. I'm sure you could always start a new thread asking for stress/anxiety relief and get some responses that way too though.
 
A

An0nym0us1

Member
Joined
Aug 15, 2018
Messages
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#5
It sounds like you are already making positive improvements, so that is good! I've always had depressive tendencies so give up/get low very easily.

I've been scouring the site and my subscribed threads for a link that had some good vitamin resources on it and couldn't find it...finally realized it was for depression instead of anxiety :doh: But it all kind of goes hand in hand. Here it is: Vitamins for depression

And this is a site I had marked looking for natural alternatives to benzos: Natural Alternatives To Xanax, Ativan, And Anti-Anxiety Drugs - Reset.me

Not sure if either will be helpful. Theanine made my anxiety worse, but a friend swears by it. I bough inositol but haven't tried it yet. A lot of people say yoga is amazing for all sorts of things--even my husband has said he wants to try it lol

There was still another thread that I had found once that had all sorts of suggestions on it and I can't find it for some reason...if I come across it again I'll let you know. I'm sure you could always start a new thread asking for stress/anxiety relief and get some responses that way too though.
Hello. Not been on in a while. Since your reply I tried taking st johns wort mood calmers but they didnt do anything. Ive got so bad Ive ended up going to my GP and Im now on antidepressants. It kills me to even write that, Im embarrassed and feel like a loser. Saying that though, I dont know if it’s psychological, but I feel so calm since taking them and its only been a few days. Ive been scared about the side affects but Ive told myself I have to stick with it for at least 4 weeks regardless, I have to try for my family.
 
Anon_21

Anon_21

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#6
Hello. Not been on in a while. Since your reply I tried taking st johns wort mood calmers but they didnt do anything. Ive got so bad Ive ended up going to my GP and Im now on antidepressants. It kills me to even write that, Im embarrassed and feel like a loser. Saying that though, I dont know if it’s psychological, but I feel so calm since taking them and its only been a few days. Ive been scared about the side affects but Ive told myself I have to stick with it for at least 4 weeks regardless, I have to try for my family.
I know how you feel in all those respects. I've always felt a bit like a failure myself for 'having' to take meds, but like you said, we are doing it for our families. And honestly, there is nothing wrong with taking medicine for your problems. Physical injuries, illnesses, and diseases require docs and meds so why shouldn't mental health problems? Depression is the result of chemical imbalances in your brain; if the med helps correct that, all the more power to you!

I also usually feel a sense of calm in the first few days of taking a new med. For me I think it's the relief of knowing I'm finally doing something active, finally working toward getting better. It can be hard waiting the full 4-6 weeks (5 was the magic number for me), but you will get there soon and hopefully you'll enjoy a better quality of life after.

Best of luck to you!
 

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