• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

Family help :(



New member
Sep 21, 2018
This may be long but I desperately need advice / someone to talk to. I'm originally from the UK but live in NZ and have done for the previous two years. I speak to my parents (who have been married 30 years) almost every day. My Mums been on antidepressants for a few months and ended up losing three stone but with speaking every day I thought the situation was under control - how well people are able to cover things up. Long story short, my Mum had an affair maybe six months ago (part of her depression was from the guilt of the situation) and she told my Dad about it a few weeks back. Back note, my parents are big drinkers (especially my Dad, which Mum said had a lot to do with her straying).. Friday, Saturday, Sunday they'll drink a bottle of wine a piece, my Dad quite often more.. She told him when they were both drunk. My Dad reacted erratically and took an overdose. Thankfully my brother was there and immediately got the pills back up. At this point, he rang me and I was on a flight home within two hours. Arriving home (36 hours later) they'd separated and he was having a break down, as you would imagine from everything that had occurred, constantly crying.. A couple of days later they met up and decided to give their marriage another go. When they're sober things are fine but when they are drunk (which is occurring more and more, mainly my Dad) things kick off BIG TIME. He's never violent but their are angry words and he's causing himself an emotional breakdown. I'm struggling to handle it. My Mum cries constantly. Tonight my Dad cried in my arms, but of course he won't remember it tomorrow.. I've tried and tried to tell him he's an alcoholic and he needs to get help but he just doesn't listen. My logic tells me he should be trying to stay away from alcohol to help my Mum with her depression but instead he encourages it and she goes along with it because she's facing her own demons.. she needs counselling and he advises her against it as he's a very private person. We're a month on from him finding out about the affair and I'd booked a flight back to NZ, my job, my home, my friends for this coming Friday but tonight has made me question whether I can go through with it. On the one hand I'm desperate to go back because I'm falling apart here, my own mental health cannot take it but on the other hand I feel I should be there for my parents and I'd never forgive myself if anything happened to either of them. I just don't know how I can help anymore, my heart is literally breaking.. :(

Edit: As a bit of background info, my brother is 29 so older than me (I'm 27). He has his own house but is currently renovating and so lives with my parents and myself. He finds the situation stressful too and for example phoned me tonight to advise it was kicking off again, said it was putting years on me and could I come home to help sort it out (I was at a friends house).
Last edited:


Well-known member
Oct 21, 2013
A comet
Sorry to hear about this. It's a tough situation. Your father needs help in regards to the alcohol and both father and mother need help in regards to the past event.
Try to get everyone to sit down and talk about the help that is needed. Get your brother there with you to also put the point across.
The situation is serious considering also that your father took a overdose.

Hopefully others can advise you better in regards to this situation.
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
C I feel like I'm being gaslighted by my own family- help! People 2
P Help on dealing with family members who don't 'quite' get it People 3
gabbyboy How to help my online gf with her family problems? People 2
M How to impress my fiancé’s family abroad? Help me out! People 3
B Struggling with family, need help. People 5
M help with a family member People 1
K Family desperately needs help People 8
T Need help with family issue. My wife wants to cut ties between my family and our kids. People 2
E How many people on here have no family People 19
jajingna Judgemental Family People 5
M Does any just dont care about their family ? People 19
S Family People 3
Linda1989 Family can be your worse enemies People 3
D close family member People 14
Talina Stepping on eggshells between family members People 2
Memememememememe Hostile codependent family People 11
L Family and work People 3
S Confronted a Family Member Tonight People 2
soulsearcher Hate my family People 10
PinkCandyFloss “Colourful” family (and other) relationships (May be triggering for some) People 7
P i hate my family People 7
vanish My family sucks! People 2
T Being ignored by family People 7
S Not bothering anymore with Family. People 5
D Trigger and Content Warning: Our family dog Jack is seriously ill People 21
D Sunday is Family Time + People 15
J struggling to balance my work life, family life, love life People 1
F How to deal with frends and family that only reply to correspondence and don't keep in touch! People 3
P Family People 6
A Family Issues Ruin My Life at Times People 5
B Family- toxic family member-taboo subject? People 8
Guy12182 I have no family People 5
J My whole family hates me People 2
F :cry::cry: Having family problems & my aunties confirmed I'm not part of 'HER' family. World's been flipped and don't know what to do? People 5
alohomora Family issues, need opinions! People 5
M Toxic family. Experiences? People 9
S Do I have a fake family I find them evil People 3
F Feeling blue around a family member People 3
J Family and the people around you People 1
D Boyfriend with tokix family and manic episodes People 3
Cry-Baby ▲ family doesn't get it ▲ People 4
vanish My family hates me I think. People 2
D Relationship with family member is making me ill People 8
C My Dad's Secret Family People 12
A Family People 1
SpiritHeart Family has brought me down... once again... People 2
B My family People 7
J The loss of feelings toward family and friends People 3
A Family People 1
C Step mum/family issues/doctors People 4

Similar threads