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Family help :(

K

Kiwigirl

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Sep 21, 2018
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This may be long but I desperately need advice / someone to talk to. I'm originally from the UK but live in NZ and have done for the previous two years. I speak to my parents (who have been married 30 years) almost every day. My Mums been on antidepressants for a few months and ended up losing three stone but with speaking every day I thought the situation was under control - how well people are able to cover things up. Long story short, my Mum had an affair maybe six months ago (part of her depression was from the guilt of the situation) and she told my Dad about it a few weeks back. Back note, my parents are big drinkers (especially my Dad, which Mum said had a lot to do with her straying).. Friday, Saturday, Sunday they'll drink a bottle of wine a piece, my Dad quite often more.. She told him when they were both drunk. My Dad reacted erratically and took an overdose. Thankfully my brother was there and immediately got the pills back up. At this point, he rang me and I was on a flight home within two hours. Arriving home (36 hours later) they'd separated and he was having a break down, as you would imagine from everything that had occurred, constantly crying.. A couple of days later they met up and decided to give their marriage another go. When they're sober things are fine but when they are drunk (which is occurring more and more, mainly my Dad) things kick off BIG TIME. He's never violent but their are angry words and he's causing himself an emotional breakdown. I'm struggling to handle it. My Mum cries constantly. Tonight my Dad cried in my arms, but of course he won't remember it tomorrow.. I've tried and tried to tell him he's an alcoholic and he needs to get help but he just doesn't listen. My logic tells me he should be trying to stay away from alcohol to help my Mum with her depression but instead he encourages it and she goes along with it because she's facing her own demons.. she needs counselling and he advises her against it as he's a very private person. We're a month on from him finding out about the affair and I'd booked a flight back to NZ, my job, my home, my friends for this coming Friday but tonight has made me question whether I can go through with it. On the one hand I'm desperate to go back because I'm falling apart here, my own mental health cannot take it but on the other hand I feel I should be there for my parents and I'd never forgive myself if anything happened to either of them. I just don't know how I can help anymore, my heart is literally breaking.. :(

Edit: As a bit of background info, my brother is 29 so older than me (I'm 27). He has his own house but is currently renovating and so lives with my parents and myself. He finds the situation stressful too and for example phoned me tonight to advise it was kicking off again, said it was putting years on me and could I come home to help sort it out (I was at a friends house).
 
Last edited:
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

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Sorry to hear about this. It's a tough situation. Your father needs help in regards to the alcohol and both father and mother need help in regards to the past event.
Try to get everyone to sit down and talk about the help that is needed. Get your brother there with you to also put the point across.
The situation is serious considering also that your father took a overdose.

Hopefully others can advise you better in regards to this situation.
 
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