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Family feelings on suicide

FallingLeaves

FallingLeaves

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Joined
Jun 28, 2021
Messages
100
Location
England, UK
I recently had a significant and sharp downturn in my mental health, that resulted in me spending a week living with my parents. I didn't feel safe staying at home alone and they welcomed me with open arms. It was just what I needed. (This has never happened before)

After 5 days of letting me sleep, shopping and cooking for me, making polite conversation and generally having a plesant time my mum drove me home today (30 mins).

En route she said my aunt had called to "Say her final farewells as she's ending her life" - this aunt has dementia and is in a home and apparently is making lots of these kinds of calls to lots of people. The way my mum told me though was very cold, flippant and cruel, and almost mocking her?

I argued that if she's making these kinds of calls there is something seriously wrong and she needs help. My mum? "She's attention seeking and trying to get sympathy" then said "If you're going to kill yourself, kill yourself quietly - you don't tell people about it".

Literally, a few days before I had asked to come and stay because I wasn't sure I could prevent suicide upon myself.

Do I take these opinions as her general view, or just the view of the aunt? Should I assume she thinks I should also shut up and die quietly?

I'm very conflicted. Opinions please.
 
bluestar ocean

bluestar ocean

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london
It sounds like it was specifically about your aunt. There could be some underlying and unresolved issues between them. That's why is she possibly came across in that way. From what you wrote I don't think it would have anything to do with you and that you could be turning things into subjective interpretation instead of objective. Meaning, but the comments or attitude you perceived had something to do with you when it probably was just an objective comment. I think the love and support that you experienced with your family is what counts. Not in the attitude your mother may have come across as. As a 42 -year-old you are like a god and have so much power to do I know you want. That's the way I personally am thinking about my life right now.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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I hope this doesn't put you off talking to your family should you ever feel suicidal or at least talking to someone either here on the forums or to an experienced volunteer from an organisation like the Samaritans.

It may help to have a look at these two pages on the forum: Suicidal Crisis and Mental Health Forum - Getting Help about what to do if you're feeling suicidal, or if you need emergency help. I hope you can use the forum for support during this difficult time.

If you’re thinking about suicide and are in immediate danger, please call your local emergency number (i.e. in the UK call 999, in the USA or Canada call 911, in Australia call 000 and in New Zealand call 111) or call the international emergency number of 112.

If you have been affected by the contents of this thread and would like to speak to someone about your feelings you can call one of the following helplines:

In the UK and Ireland, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123.
In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255.
In Canada, the Suicide Prevention Service on 1.833.456.4566.
In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14.
In New Zealand, the Need to Talk service is on 1737 or 080017371737.
Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org.
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
just sending lots of love x please keep talking we understand here ,i know a lot about suicidal feelings as my partner and i both get them x
 
FallingLeaves

FallingLeaves

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Joined
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Messages
100
Location
England, UK
Hey @bluestar ocean thanks so much for your message back.

You might be entirely right - this could be my mums feelings about JUST my aunt's suicide threats and not my situation at all. That is what my sister says, but my sister also recognises that mentioning this sort of thing in front of me maybe would be just bad timing and poor taste, etc.

I don't know where you saw I am a 42 year old? I am much younger than that, but I am not annoyed!

Thanks again for your message.
 
FallingLeaves

FallingLeaves

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 28, 2021
Messages
100
Location
England, UK
Thank you @NWiddi I appreciate you have a code of conduct that you must follow if anyone mentions suicide on this forum.

Right this second, I am not suicidal particularly. Last Sunday? I was very much on the edge. What upsets me is that people ALWAYS say "Call a hotline" - I am a totally non-verbal person, I can't articulate my feelings at all in voice so this is pointless to me. Do I call and not say anything? I can only express myself via typing. And nowhere really offers help like this.

Don't get me wrong - I think the talking lines are really good and beneficial to huge numbers of peoples, so thank you so much for continuing to offer them.

xxx
 
J

JeanPierre

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Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
2,159
Location
Southern USA
I recently had a significant and sharp downturn in my mental health, that resulted in me spending a week living with my parents. I didn't feel safe staying at home alone and they welcomed me with open arms. It was just what I needed. (This has never happened before)

After 5 days of letting me sleep, shopping and cooking for me, making polite conversation and generally having a plesant time my mum drove me home today (30 mins).

En route she said my aunt had called to "Say her final farewells as she's ending her life" - this aunt has dementia and is in a home and apparently is making lots of these kinds of calls to lots of people. The way my mum told me though was very cold, flippant and cruel, and almost mocking her?

I argued that if she's making these kinds of calls there is something seriously wrong and she needs help. My mum? "She's attention seeking and trying to get sympathy" then said "If you're going to kill yourself, kill yourself quietly - you don't tell people about it".

Literally, a few days before I had asked to come and stay because I wasn't sure I could prevent suicide upon myself.

Do I take these opinions as her general view, or just the view of the aunt? Should I assume she thinks I should also shut up and die quietly?

I'm very conflicted. Opinions please.
No, your parents (who welcomed you with open arms) loves and cherishes you. They do not want you ever to die. Especially that way.

The deal with your aunt made me both laugh (because we all know someone) and furiously sad for the dementia causing all this chaos to her brain and relationships. You can't fix any of that but your Mother is stressed, as you realize from her outburst. ✌
 
Z

Zoe1

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Jul 8, 2019
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21,601
Location
Nowhere
sounds like your Mum might have just got overloaded

family members try to help sometimes with the best of intentions
but it is said that you can't counsel your family
I don't quite understand why but I find it to be true
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Jan 4, 2013
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Hi,
Sorry if no help, but you can email the Samaritans. [email protected].
They usually respond in 24 hrs.
Hugs
 
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