Family and undiagnosed MI

K

KitKat90

Active member
Joined
Feb 21, 2019
Messages
42
Location
Texas
#1
Where to began.... I need some advice. I have been dealing with anxiety and other MI for sometime. I crashed over a year ago. Couldn’t leave my house, withdrew from everyone and became suicidal. Told my husband I was suicidal needed help. Told his family. Told my mother. I was afraid to take medication and I had some health issues that got worse. It’s sad really now that I am back on medication for anxiety, I realized how what others were telling me only made it worse. I couldn’t turn my brain off. I was in anxiety mode 24/7. I really needed someone to step in and help me. Still can’t believe my husband didn’t get me to a hospital. He said he didn’t know what to do. He would get mad at times and I would stop talking to him about what I was going through. All that time I was talking to my mother I begged her to help me. She would tell me no one in the family has a MI. She didn’t believe in antidepressant. She believed I had a medical problem that was causing me to be like this. She would feed my anxiety by telling me everything she would look up on the internet. I couldn’t take care of myself it was bad!!!! I tried a few times to get help from a MD but it made my anxiety worse. I have needles and pins situation all over. My head was extremely bad and a lot of burning pain. I started losing my hair which made me not want to be around anyone. Started wearing a hat if I had no choice to be able to leave the house. All the advice I got back fired on me tried everything potion, shampoo and medications that I got from the dermatologist. I wanted to die to make the burning pain stop. My mother can down twice and wanted me to clean my house. That would make me feel better she said. I just did everything everyone told me. Did it made me better? No. She had me convinced it was something in the water or in my home. I cleaned everything and shampooed my carpets. Ordered new towels and sheets so I could bleach everything in hot water. She brought me filters to put on my shower heads. Then she told me she thought I had meningitis. I was loosing my mind. Stopped caring for myself because I thought I was going to die.

I started anxiety medication again. I told her that I was because I couldn’t take it anymore more. She still tried to talk me out of it. I feel more in control now the burning and pins and needles is not as bad. I’ve lost a lot of hair because of this. If I was on medication from the start I think whatever was going on would have cleared up and I wouldn’t have lost most of my hair.

Over the last couple of months my Mom started talking about her head tingling and she had to put ice packs on her head too and how she thinks it’s a pinched nerve. My mother is always going to the doctor for something. It just though me for a loop when she started saying she has the same symptoms.. I hardly talk to her now. I can’t. She even started telling me she believes someone had hurt me and that’s why I am like this. Started asking me if my stepfather did anything to me growing up. She doesn’t want to admit that it was her that hurt me growing up. I haven’t talked to her about that but she knows. She beat me and yelled at me all the time. One minute she would be fine and the next she would be all over me for the littlest of things. I went though a lot of trauma with her. I just block it out and moved on but it never left me.

I clearly wasn’t thinking when I went to her for help. I was too embarrassed to tell friends and my family is small. I really only have my mom and dad near me. My husband just wanted me to deal with it. He didn’t understand that I couldn’t.

This has changed me and I will never be the same from this. I was lost in my own anxiety of hell for over a year. Couldn’t think straight. Why didn’t anyone really help I don’t know. My daughter and son had to watch me go through this. I have to live with that now. My husband should have helped me but I was afraid of him getting mad so I dealt with it the best I could on my own. I would drop it because I really wasn’t thinking clearly and in my mind my kids needed me here I couldn’t leave. If one person in my life had said I will help you get the help you need. I would have not destroyed myself, sitting here month after month thinking I was dying.

Sorry it’s so long. I’m better but no where near my old self. I am just a shell of who I was. I don’t know who to really turn too to pick up the pieces that are left. Being a people pleaser and always doing what was asked of me hurt me in the end.

I really wanted to posts any thoughts on my mother? I have always felt being an only child that I couldn’t cut her out of my life. I really can’t hardly talk to her now. I was delusional to think she could help me..... She clearly has anxiety issues too. I now believe MI runs in the family. Since then I’ve learned my aunt has been on depressed medication, my grandfather was an alcoholic, I know my uncle took Valium or something like it. I didn’t grow up around them, my parents moved to another state when I was little. So I am not close to either side of my family. I’m basically alone and scared about my future. I’ve posted before how my husbands mother and sister treated me. You just want attention will never leave my mind.

I could go on... If anyone can relate to some of what I have gone through or any advice. I just had to get it all out.
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2015
Messages
8,933
Location
basketville
#2
i am really sorry that you have not been supported but in my expereince family are the last people that are helpful. i have always had to look outside of the family.

hey that is really crap not being able to turn your brain off i know exactly what you mean. its miserable. are you seeing a counselor? is anyone taking the time to teach you coping mechanisms?

i am afraid that your mother is in pure denial as basically she cant deal with you being ill. and so she will behave like this i am sorry to say. for your own mental health i would reduce your exposure to your mother if at all possible as she sounds toxic to me.

regarding the burning pain not sure what you mean. but have you seen the doc about that? oh so your mother thinks its something to do with the house? do you ventilate the house each day. as its not good to sit in a house with the windows closed all day. but i think maybe this is not the problem but i have no idea..

stress makes you loose your hair and its a condition called alopecia. the best things i can suggest to you to is to think about doing is
1. reduce you exposure to your mother. and dont confide in her as she doesnt sound the best of individuals to pour your heart out to.

2. think about changing the habit of being a people pleaser. this means learning about yourself. read up about anxiety, watch stuff that is helpful that explains anxiety.

hope this is useful
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
K Other Conditions and Experiences 5

Similar threads