Family affarirs

[gabriel11]

To what extent can a family member insist on helping a brother/sister to stop misusing substances when there's a resistance on getting help? Are relatives the most adequate in enhancing change?

 

[ms_P]

The family member with the problem must see the need for and want to change, or nothing anyone else can do or say will make any difference, IMO.

 

[gabriel11]

That's the point! You're right... if there's no willingness to change nothing can ever happen. Yet, this makes me feel very powerless and useless.
Thank you ms P

 

[ms_P]

It does hurt like hell to watch someone you love destroy themselves. It's worse if you let them take you down with them. If you've made your concerns clear to your loved one, then I think maybe you need to let go of those feelings of powerlessness & uselessness. There is no easy answer.
Take care
xxx

 

[tweety]

To what extent can a family member insist on helping a brother/sister to stop misusing substances when there's a resistance on getting help? Are relatives the most adequate in enhancing change?

You ask two questions
1. What extent can you INSIST?
and the answer to that is practically not at all
2. Are relatives the most adequate in enhancing change?
and the answer to that is they certainly have the proximity and motivation, so they might not be the MOST adequate, but they can be adequate

You should think about changing your stance - stop thinking about insisting and start thinking about influencing. Google "how to persuade and influence" and do some research on things like active listening, negative physcology (I won't put any links up as some sites are selling books).

There are lots of 'tricks', and I don't know what is most appropriate for your situation, but for instance a 'trick of the trade' for parents is to get their kids involved and support them in sporting activities to 'keep them out of trouble', it gives them a meaning and some goals in life beyond self destruction.

 

[bluenomore]

You ask two questions
1. What extent can you INSIST?
and the answer to that is practically not at all
2. Are relatives the most adequate in enhancing change?
and the answer to that is they certainly have the proximity and motivation, so they might not be the MOST adequate, but they can be adequate

You should think about changing your stance - stop thinking about insisting and start thinking about influencing. Google "how to persuade and influence" and do some research on things like active listening, negative physcology (I won't put any links up as some sites are selling books).

There are lots of 'tricks', and I don't know what is most appropriate for your situation, but for instance a 'trick of the trade' for parents is to get their kids involved and support them in sporting activities to 'keep them out of trouble', it gives them a meaning and some goals in life beyond self destruction.

I don't know if you are eluding to this, but I think that something like 'reverse psychology' will not have a desirable effect on an addict.

Unfortunately, and I'm sure this must be very frustrating for family members, the only way someone will get clean is if they themselves decide to do so. Outside influences are seldom taken into consideration in my experience. It's the old adage: "You can take a horse to water, but you can't make it drink".

 

[schiz01]

2 words.......tough love

 

[dollylama]

I honestly believe that it highly depends on the closeness of the relationship. Just because it's a relative, it does not necessarily mean the person is the most trustworthy according to the substance abuser.

 

[gabriel11]

Thanks everybody for the support. Dollylama you got it right. The nearest relative is not always the most adequate. I myself would probably reject my family support. Sometimes families are strange mixtures of paradoxes.