E
echo66
Well-known member
- Joined
- Aug 21, 2014
- Messages
- 226
I left. I even managed to stay away for about 3 weeks (although didn't get as far as going no-contact). Then I became ill with a bug, had a couple of days off work as it completely knocked me off my feet. X caught it from me, but I still managed to stay away. Then my Mum who I've been staying with, got ill. I had to call an ambulance in the early hours - she's now been in hospital for just over 2 weeks.
I fell apart. He said I could stay with him so I didn't have to be on my own. I wasn't too sure I could keep myself safe alone (I know how pathetic that sounds).
I went home.
My days are work-home-hospital-home-bed-repeat.... it's been like that for the past 17 days - I don't know if she's going to recover or not.
X has been cooking for me so I can just eat when I get home from work, and go straight out to the hospital. X has visited Mum off his own back, making sure she got fed when moved from one place to another. He didn't have to do any of that. He could have just let me sink on my own. I've already lost about 1/2 a stone, am barely functioning at work... barely functioning anywhere really.
If she does recover and come home, I need to be there for her, but already I'm feeling bad for what will amount to leaving X all over again. If she doesn't recover, then it's just me and him. I was asked recently "if this is as good as it gets (with X being supportive and helpful) would that be good enough? I said it might be livable. But in truth, I'm not sure it will be livable, but the alternative doesn't appeal any more either.
All that has got me through this past year is counselling support, that is ending in the next week or two. Couldn't have come at a worse time, but I know she can't be there forever.
So mixed up and confused. I really want to go to sleep and not wake up.
I fell apart. He said I could stay with him so I didn't have to be on my own. I wasn't too sure I could keep myself safe alone (I know how pathetic that sounds).
I went home.
My days are work-home-hospital-home-bed-repeat.... it's been like that for the past 17 days - I don't know if she's going to recover or not.
X has been cooking for me so I can just eat when I get home from work, and go straight out to the hospital. X has visited Mum off his own back, making sure she got fed when moved from one place to another. He didn't have to do any of that. He could have just let me sink on my own. I've already lost about 1/2 a stone, am barely functioning at work... barely functioning anywhere really.
If she does recover and come home, I need to be there for her, but already I'm feeling bad for what will amount to leaving X all over again. If she doesn't recover, then it's just me and him. I was asked recently "if this is as good as it gets (with X being supportive and helpful) would that be good enough? I said it might be livable. But in truth, I'm not sure it will be livable, but the alternative doesn't appeal any more either.
All that has got me through this past year is counselling support, that is ending in the next week or two. Couldn't have come at a worse time, but I know she can't be there forever.
So mixed up and confused. I really want to go to sleep and not wake up.