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falling apart..

K

kmwt3

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So I found out I am pregnant about 2 weeks ago and had an ultrasound scheduled for last Tues. I woke up to get ready for my ultrasound but found that I was bleeding so I talked to the tech about it. She couldn't see baby on the screen but said it's most likely to early. The next day I started bleeding heavier and clotting so I went to the hospital . They said my hcg levels are still rising just not as fast as they would like so I have more blood work tomorrow and results Tues. I'm really scared I'm going to lose my baby. I'm quit taking my meds when I found out so I'm a mess.. although could be pregnancy hormones.. not sure. .
Either way I'm a mess and don't know how I'll handle it if it turns out my fear is real. I don't want to lose this baby. I've started planning and imagining and now my heart is breaking..
I don't understand why awful things happen ..
It seems like nothing ever goes right for me..
I try and I try but I always get screwed over..
I've changed my life for the better and REALLY want to extend my family..
I look around and see all these hood rats abusing their kids and drinking / getting high with all their money ..
I don't understand .. I thought I was a fairly decent person but apparently not..
I'm losing my mind.. this is sooo incredibly important to me and now it could be gone..
.. :( ..
 
*autumn*

*autumn*

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Please keep in touch with your psychiatric doctor given that you have chosen to come off medication. And again, fantastic for you personally staying clear of alcohol and drugs.
 
K

kmwt3

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Well I had my app today and I lost my baby. I am so depressed right now ; I can't get out of bed. I've decided to just lay here watching movies and drink . My hubby is really worried about me but how am I supposed to feel. I imagined the future and started planning then to have that taken. It's hard.
 
*autumn*

*autumn*

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I am so sorry to hear.
 
AliceinWonderland

AliceinWonderland

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I'm so sorry to hear that km, it's a hard loss to bear, very painful I know (from experience). Of course you'll be feeling bereft and like just retreating from the world. It's not a fairness thing though, it's not to do with how decent a person you are, really it's not. Try to be kind and gentle with yourself, try not to give yourself a hard time, or think this has happened because you don't deserve to have good things happen for you. Go steady with the drinking, I'm sure you know it won't really help in the long run. And try to let your husband in, don't isolate from him. I hope things begin to feel better for you before too long, but be patient with yourself, it's a lot of future hopes and plans to deal with losing.
 
megirl

megirl

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I am so sorry that you have had to go through that.
I hope that you can try and be kind to yourself.
just to let you know i will be thinking of you
 

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