Fake Reality

K

kristenkringle

Member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
7
Location
Pennsylvania
#1
I also posted this in the BPD forums but after realizing this exists I think it may do better here? I'm clueless

I'm not even sure if this is triggered by my BPD, but I've been living in a paranoia-induced reality since fifth grade.

I've never talked about this to anyone. Not my therapist, friends, family. No one. I developed the idea that my entire life was broadcasted through my glasses in fifth grade, like they had little cameras in the lenses and I was being livestreamed. Over all the years, it's infested my life. I have fake people in my life where I hallucinate them without actually seeing or hearing them, it's like I'm hallucinating the presence of a person I've built up all these years. I'll idly talk to myself for hours, leave or seclude myself from my friends when we're talking or hanging out to live out this. It's not even something that scares me at this point, it's just a fake reality that I'm constantly living out. No matter how many times I try and tell myself that this isn't real when it's happening, I brush it off like I made a joke. I just can't stop myself. I don't know if this comes from a coping mechanism from my abuse as a child or something deeper, but the only things I have that could affect this are BPD and DID (i also have dermatillomania and experience mania but I don't think those can contribute here), but I have no idea if my alters experience this paranoia-induced phenomenon. I don't know where to start looking for answers on this, I've never met anyone else who's experienced something like this.
 
D

d3v600

New member
Joined
Mar 28, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Denver, Colorado
#2
Hey Kristen,

I'm actually slowly getting to where you're at I think. I have Derpersonalization so it feels like I'm unreal and reality just feels like the truman show sometimes, but I haven't gotten to the point of seeing the people that I talk to. The only thing that has been able to limit my DPD though is CBD, along with cutting out caffeine. I would highly recommend talking to people about this. I tried a hypnotherapist and it made it much worse at first but she instilled some techniques that I still use to this day that help me control it. The more you talk about it though the less power you give it over your life.