Fake public interest

S

Savedcoffee

New member
Joined
Feb 18, 2019
Messages
3
Location
England
#1
Hi guys, this is my first time posting on here but it’s been brought on by some events that have happened in my life recently.

I wanted to know if anyone else here gets absolutely sick to death of people that pretend to be understanding of mental health conditions but in real life are the worse culprits when it comes to being judgemental? I’m finding it difficult to deal with as I’m still trying to understand how to deal with my condition but have almost “fake” allies, people that I thought I could trust but actually turn out to be the most judgemental and most self preserving people of all. They’re the people that “like” mental health posts on social media but will avoid you in the street.

I love the idea of mental health issues becoming a topic of conversation but not if it’s used as a tool to aid selfish productivity. I want to challenge these people but I know I’ll be made out to be crazy. It’s absolutely infuriating.
 
M

megirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
4,999
Location
NZ
#2
I used to be a registered nurse I only ever worked on a psychiatric ward as a student.
In the area I worked the stigma of health professionals in regards to mental health was appalling.
I was quite proud of myself when I had the intuition and empathy to recognise mental health issues with patients who were there for physical health issued.
Some of my collegues attidude was 'they need to ask for heap,its up to them'or 'its got nothing to do with us' or the ' that's the gps problem....
But yeh it used to shock me. The ignorance
 
F

Fallingfromthetop

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 16, 2019
Messages
91
Location
Slipperyslope
#3
Its an in thing to be seen as someone doing good work. People collect money for various projects on facebook and similar, yet when seeing someone half dead in the street they do not think about getting them some water and food.

A lot of people are fake as f. Just keep it in mind once you see those colors. Unless you want a shit storm happening in your social group I would advise not to have a straight up confrontation, just let it slide, make a mental note that you cannot trust or rely on that person at all. Don't parrot it around to others either cause people can't keep their mouth shut when they should for shit. I advise to keep the game going though, people in general do not like the truth laid bare out. People that are really fake like this have been manipulating and deceiving their whole life, unless you are a prodigy of truth and streetwiseness people like this will out move you and turn other people against you when you try and take them on, cause they simply have more experience doing it, doesn't matter how true, right or pure you are in your intentions. They have built this fake image their whole life and will fight to keep it, even if you are in the right, they won't care about your illness, they wanna destroy you if you try to bring them down.

but I know I’ll be made out to be crazy.
exactly

Just focus on getting your own shit together and just ignore people like this, they are not worth the time, energy or anything really. Just let it slide and work on you.
 
M

megirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
4,999
Location
NZ
#4
fallingfromthetop,
That's great insight,
Something came to mind, after I had a car accident I broke my neck etc
Any way had an appointment at the hospital was outside waiting to be picked up
Here I had a tube in my nose full body brace, anyway there was this man in a wheelchair struggling to wheel himself up the ramp. There's lots of people around, so I'm thinking someone will help him? Nope so here we both are with me pushing this gentleman up ramp not easy we got there.
It is really sad many people just dont give a crap
Yeh I would love to change peoples selfish ways all it does is create conflict.
Better just better like you say to
Carry on and on forger about them
 
S

Savedcoffee

New member
Joined
Feb 18, 2019
Messages
3
Location
England
#5
Hi again, sorry I didn’t respond sooner. I made this post in a complete flurry of emotion and on my comedown it takes me a long time to face replies to comments on posts I’ve made, mainly because they’re negative. You’ve all surprised me however in your understanding!

I’ve spent a lot of my life fighting people criticising me, however I almost saw my diagnosis as a sort of lifeline, there’s a reason I’m a bit odd. Don’t get me wrong I’m not a bad person by any stretch of the imagination, one of my exes stole £20k of inheritance money from me over the space of 3 years, I thought I was helping her out. I was almost a bit naive in the way I thought this diagnosis would be seen, bipolar had always been romanticised however when people are faced with the ugly truth they run for the hills.

I relate to the being damaged but still wanting to help theme, I think that’s what makes this so frustrating. We help others that are obviously damaged (physically and mentally), but no one will help us (other than very close family for those of us that are lucky enough).

Mind you people love us when we’re super productive and achieving above average, here’s a favourite quote of one of my managers; “the way you are is fine because you make up for being difficult with being productive”, in other words if you stop being productive you’re useless.

@megirl thank you for being in a profession like yours but also having incredible empathy. I took quite a serious overdose about 2 years ago, I wet myself in front of my parent’s family friends, gave myself a black eye from falling unconscious and threw up all over myself, I spent about 6 hours in the emergency room and one of the nurses rolled me in a wheelchair out to the waiting room with no clothes on and a very small blanket around me. I couldn’t even stand to go to the toilet and they left me there for hours. They’re the nurses I bloody detest, you try to end your life and they make you think “Jesus Christ why wasn’t I successful”
 
Last edited by a moderator:
P

PrincessJasmine

Member
Joined
Feb 19, 2019
Messages
13
Location
UK
#6
I have known many people who have promised to support me and then done nothing. It is horrible. Worse than people who say honestly from the start that they can't help. I really should stop getting my hopes up after all this time but I can't help it. I want to be supported and understood so much.

I don't think they're all horrible. I think some people are very supportive when people have problems they can personally empathise with but as soon as you give them something that's outside their experience or understanding, they can't be supportive because they just don't understand why you'd need support with it. So for example they might understand depression over a breakup as they've been there but they don't understand social anxiety because socialising is something that comes naturally to them and they can't understand how anyone could find it difficult, impossible or scary.

I think there might also be some people who are a bit too empathic - they hear someone's problems and are so overwhelmed they promise all kinds of help and only realise afterwards that what they're offering isn't available. One of my therapists said I wasn't to worry about the therapy limit as I could keep having sessions with him for as long as I needed them. Unfortunately his boss had other ideas and said I could have TWO more.

There are also some people who genuinely believe mental health problems will disappear as long as they're nice to us. Well it's great they want to be nice, plenty of people wouldn't be but it's just not a realistic expectation on their part. One guy at a place where I volunteered said to me: "But we're being nice to you and you're still really weird. Why?" and I think he was genuinely confused, bewildered and hurt. And then totally at a loss when he discovered that 'being nice' (not that they were particularly nice) didn't effect any kind of magical cure.

Similarly there are people who say "Yes, we'll support you" because they don't imagine for a minute that I'll need support. They too are totally lost when it turns out I do.

I think a lot of places have to say they'll provide mental health support but they don't actually provide it or even have any idea how to provide it. They just hope it'll never happen.

But there are also I think a lot of people out there who either don't care at all and will just ignore it, who actually become angry by signs of mental health issues, or who enjoy vulnerability by exploiting it. It really is terrible but if you stand up to these people or even report them they'll deny it and it's their word against mine and as they're considered to be of sounder judgement than me then obviously I 'misinterpreted' what went on and I'm the bad guy.

I don't really think the world in general is a very supportive place.
 
M

megirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
4,999
Location
NZ
#7
Some people dont want to take responsibility for their actions or just wipe people out of their lives because they dont want to make an effort and be supportive of someone who is in need of extra support.
I had hit a bad place after my marriage breakup. As most people would. One of my I thought closest friend chose to ignore me we I needed her. Then finally when she did text back said that "..that what's happened between me and my husband is my problem and nothing to do with her,and I need to get over i it and move on, never to hear from her again.."
Honestly talk about digging a hole and then she putting some more nails in my coffin.
So here I am with suicidal thoughts. I spoke to my psychologist about what if I did end up dead would she realise that she may of been another person pushing me over the edge. She said well some people dont want to take responsibility and dont care.
All the things both me and my ex did for her and her son. We both went way out of our way. Which was a pleasure to help. What did she do for me when I was in desperate need....she turned her back on me!!!
I have learned now its not me thats a bad person this is about her and its her problem. Her son doesn't have a dad his dad doesn't have any contact.
He thought the world of us. She should have thought about what shes done to her son.
Again it will be my fault for whatever reason. We need to hold our heads high, the people that know what its like to suffer and who wouldn't treat another person this way
I thought about writing her a letter bit its not going to change how she is.
Because in her mind she will justify her decision/actions

we live and learn
 
M

megirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
4,999
Location
NZ
#8
We're better of with a few genuine friends rather than many friends that at the end of the day dont actually give a shit.
As much as I'd love to change the world sadly its just a waste of energy I can only do my bit no matter how small it is
 
D

Dice

New member
Joined
Jan 20, 2019
Messages
1
Location
UK
#9
Its an in thing to be seen as someone doing good work. People collect money for various projects on facebook and similar, yet when seeing someone half dead in the street they do not think about getting them some water and food.
This is bang on, very true.

People want to be seen as understanding and accepting of many things but they're only kidding themselves because of this need to appear "good" in public. In reality they'd cross the street for many of the things that they'd speak up for on social media and the like. In a way I can't blame them and think it's only natural to fear, or be wary of things, that are a break from the norm. We're all guilty of judging because it's completely natural to do so but we live in a society that says you absolutely must not judge. I'd prefer it if people were just honest, whether that's to my detriment or not. Unfortunately a lot of what gets people ahead in life are the acts that many of us wish never existed, like dishonesty, manipulating etc.