fairly confused!

[BIMBLE00]

Hi, well my story is probably not that serious but figured it might help to tell it in a place were people may actually come close to understanding!
I have had over the last few years an ongoing mild-moderate case of depression, some times seeming to almost go and sometimes seeming pretty bad. Ive generally had a real lack of confidence and self beliefe and have generally not let people get too close.
up until last year I had been on medication which i didnt feel really helped and had at the start of this year just come out of a second period of counsiling. I came out of the cousiling on a real high it seemed, I found some confidence seemed able to actually make decisions, one of which was to act on long held feelings for a friend that i had repressed due to her being attached. All seemed to be going well, the girl and i seemed really in love,(in hindsight it was a little to full on and fast perhaps) we were planning to start afresh in a new area so i quit my job and went ahead to sort out a place etc. Suddenly my girl starts to self harm and withdraws totaly from me, so i head back to be with her only to find im now single. She apparently suffers from bpd and seems to have totally changed, so i was stuck with moving back with my parents,unhappily single and was unemployed for some months.
Its now been a few months and im working again but i feel like im barely functioning im doing the job and living a life almost like a mask hiding allsorts of emotions that im not even sure what they are. I still think about my ex all the time and am begining to worry that its not love that i still have but an obssesion or somthing? I also wonder if i was in love at all or was it some kind of emotional need to feel wanted that i know cant handle not having!
All in all im not to happy an somewhat confused!

 

[Apotheosis]

I still think about my ex all the time and am begining to worry that its not love that i still have but an obssesion or somthing? I also wonder if i was in love at all or was it some kind of emotional need to feel wanted that i know cant handle not having!
All in all im not to happy an somewhat confused!

Sounds normal when coming out of a relationship, but we all deal with things differently. I don't know what to suggest as it's been a while since I was in a relationship, & I've largely got used to living alone.

 

[BIMBLE00]

I was single for 2 years before we got together, didnt really think id ever be in love again til I met her, which kinda made it worse when it all went pearshaped in the strange way it did. I hope its kinda normal, i tend to worry about worrying if you know what i mean

 

[Apotheosis]

I hope its kinda normal, i tend to worry about worrying if you know what i mean

I'd try not to get too hung up on what "normal" is. There is no such thing really, except as a measure that things most people do; & when I look out at the World & people - the World seems anything but normal. But in context, what you have described sounds like how most people would react. Who was it who said - the only thing we have to fear is fear itself? I worry too, that also is somewhat built into us I think. I try to just switch off as much as I can. All the worry in the World makes not any difference at all.

Relationships are very hard for most people; it took me a long time to recover from breaking up from the last one I was in. I think it is simpler & probably better, not to be in them in the first place.

 

[jamesdean]

Hi Bimbleoo, i guess it was all quite fast but that isnt the problem because you can meet some one and it can happen instantly, love can also grow with time there isnt really a measure but love can makes us all behave in differant ways it felt right for tou at the time its sad that it didnt work but honestly dont think about it all the time that will just make you feel more ill, accept it didnt work out but dont give up because just when you least expect it love can find you. my uncle just got married last week n hes 66.jd

 

[silly madam]

Try not to worry

I have only just joined the forum but wanted to post something having ready your own post. All i can say is that when I am depressed - which I am too often unfortunately - I just find that the easiest way to cope with any difficult situation is to just hang on there and just live from day to day because I KNOW that one day things WILL get better. I focus on doing just one thing every day and try not to think about anything that I know will upset me. I also try to divert my thoughts with being creative in some way which does help for me. I dont know if this helps but I wanted to try. Just hang on in there.

 

[BIMBLE00]

Thanks guys, i must admit i have been trying to focus on other things and i often manage to calm my racing mind by kinda meditating which calms me for a bit. I know that this whole relationship mess isnt really the whole thing or even the cause of my longer running probs but its like the most immediate thing blocking my vision, still it feels good to talk a little, i dont really talk about things to people anymore it seems easier and kinder to just show people a happy face so they dont get all worried or annoyed. I finally did make the decision to try an go see the docs soon, as had some kinda stressy panic attack today, which was a new thing for me!

 

[jamesdean]

Hi its important now that you have found us you keep posting its good to talk definately go to see doc,
I didnt think that the relationship was the only cause for concern I think you need to deal with the other stuff. often people associate one thing to being the reason, my mum was explaining that my granddad associated eating some sprouts at one christmas dinner to causing his heart attack, this is just an example
Its funny talking to someone the other day when having my debrief this person mentioned certain smells , feelings etc at the time which i had kinda forgot about my breakdown, i used to feel like I was on pogo sticks raised above the ground.
Mediation is agood thing keep it up if you can, and keep posting

 

[BIMBLE00]

Well last few days have actually seemed a little better!, at least in regards to my thoughts about my last relationship. Now and again when its quiet or im really bored it pops in there but not been as bad, has only been a few days of clear as it were but after a few months of feeling pants everyday im hoping its a good sign!

 

[jamesdean]

Thats really good for you, at least then you can move on, take care hope you have a good day