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Facing my fears (40 Years too late)

M

Mr P

New member
Joined
Jul 23, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Midlands
Hi, I have been reading the forums for a couple of hours and the first thing to say is - Great, I am clearly not the only person who suffers with an irrational fear in the world.

I am yet to find anything that is comparable with my own conditions (the dread item), but reactions and experiences certainly give me hope that this might be worthwhile.

I am looking for informed advice, practical options to take and any other links to assistance which might help my cause - so please reply if you think you can help.

I will briefly outline my case - I developed an unnatural dread of a perfectly harmless garden object when I was between six and eight years old (I cannot remember the date, but I can trance my reactions to this timeframe). I prefer not to give more details as to the exact object at this time as my paranoia is now at the point where I know that in the wrong hands the item evokes such a strong emotional response it could be used to control me (yes its sounds ridiculous, but I would do anything to avoid contact with it, even hand over money).

It has never abated, and dominates my planning of any trip involving outdoor exposure where I might inadvertently come into contact with it. it has ruined holidays, visits to friends and limited my own exploration of my environment.

I'm now in my late forties and to date, nobody knows my secret. That's not bad seeing as I have been married for over twenty years (my wife is aware I sometimes have issues, but my excuses never let on the real problem - its usually `I'm feeling ill`, got to go home, etc)

I cannot face another 20 years of this, and up until now have been too afraid of CBT as it would ultimately mean I had to touch the item. This itself caused genuine feelings of suicide down the years and until earlier this evening I really thought I was the only one that had this extreme reaction.

Its helpful already to know that I am not alone - but I need the confidence to try to take the next step.
 
daffy

daffy

Well-known member
Moderator
Founding Member
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Dec 16, 2007
Messages
6,904
Location
hiding behind the sofa
Hi mr p and welcome to the forum. Maybe if you told someone on here it may help you. CBT could be of definite help to you, have you had any therapy. If not speaking to your gp would be your first step and anything you tell him is in confidence.
I’ve had a massive phobia of worms since even typing the word gives me shivers, if anything comes on the tv about them I change the channel or leave the room. But over the years when I’m gardening I make myself sit a short distance from them and look at them for five minutes. Now this hasn’t stopped the phobia but it has eased it. But I still couldn’t touch one .
But whatever it is your scared of make yourself look at it , first of just for a minute then gradually increase your time with it. Try and think back to what started the phobia and think logically could it have harmed me, and the answer is probably no so the problem isn’t with the item but what you associate with it.:hug:
 
Z

Zoe1

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Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
4,579
Location
Nowhere
yes actually I did this with spiders
I decided I would tolerate a certain size of spider
and my tolerance grew a little bit
although I still cant bear the big ones

in the process I seem to have lost my fear
of daddy long legs !


:grouphug:
 
M

Mr P

New member
Joined
Jul 23, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Midlands
Thank you both Daffy and Zoe1, your input is so welcome. Its so strange that the thing we fear makes us stare at it and even look it up on the internet - its clearly a linked morbid fascination with what we cannot deal with . I cannot speak for you, but if I was honest I doubt I could picture a world where I could let my fear item near me, not my fingers and certainly not my face. I am not saying my condition is worse than anyone's, but its so deep rooted now that I have genuinely thought the option of 'jumping from the burning building' is preferable to confrontation. I'm sure that the cured and those on the other side of this see this as ridiculous now, but to me it really is a matter of life,.. or death (in respects of not living a life). I wish I could tell you what it is that I'm scared of - its so pathetic and so exact and obscure.... WHY
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
4,579
Location
Nowhere
Mr P,

nobody hear think you are being ridiculous !
we all have things we cant face at the moment
and I would not like anyone to push me
to confront a large spider !

maybe if we won your trust
you would be able to tell us what it is

but there is no pressure to do so !


:grouphug:
 
M

Mr P

New member
Joined
Jul 23, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Midlands
Zoe1, I see your message as a massive positive - and thank you because lets face it, its late - and if bed was the answer we would both have retired some time ago.

Maybe I will confide at some point, but my paranoia about how much power this has over me cannot be underestimated. In my youth, I accidentally came into contact with my fear item and ended up buying my way out of a situation to save face for over £600.00. The people involved thought I was eccentric, and did not understand why I appeased them (they asked for no money, but it was easier to excuse myself by the subterfuge) . I did not have £600 to lose at the time, but in my addled mind it was better to get away with the secret intact and my debt could be paid for the next few years. this is the hold this has on me, and has had for as long as I can remember. If you are of a similar mind, I'm sure you will appreciate the vulnerability of admission.

Again, so appreciative of your thoughts - its a lonely place and has been for a long time.
 
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