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F*** My Life

K

killswitchon

Guest
Used to come here fairly regularly back in the day. Now, I post most of my ails on this other forum because it's more related to suicide. I've been seriously contemplating death now for over two years. A couple more serious attempts at trying to make it happen so far to no avail. I've toyed with the idea long enough. I was wanting to get one more tattoo on my chest before my exit but, I have no time and tattoo artist isn't getting back to me and the impossibility of my life is real. I have no more time for jokes or fake laughter. I'm really tired. Exhausted. Beyond exhausted. I was in tatters two years ago but I've only been through the ringer since then. With four more hospital admissions, most of which were long term. I spent most of my 25th year alive in the mental hospital. I'm so fucked.

Bastards in the white robes weren't able to do shit to help me yet they cleverly blame shift to the patient and make me look like I'm at fault. Oh yeah, I'm definitely the one to blame for your 30+ meds you tried on me that had only detrimental affects let alone therapeutic ones. Fuck those assholes. Now, my family has all abandoned me and I'm left to fend for myself. I hate them. I do. They've fed me to the dogs. Threw me under the bus. Supporting the asshole doctor in his bullshit break down of me and my situation. He says I have a dopamine deficiency. I say he's an idiot. Why? Because the myriad meds that I tried all targeted dopamine in some regard -- all of them having absolutely no effect on my symptoms. Faggot motherfucker. So I say back and called him a motherfucker like he deserved.

It was worth it. I got kicked outta the joint but he and every other psychiatrist who has psychoanalyzed me deserved that abuse right back. Anyway, fuck the system. It not only failed me miserably and it had the arrogance to turn around and blame my lack of progress and even deterioration on me and not take responsibility for all the damage they caused my mind. It's too late for me. Within next couple weeks I'm going to be nothing but a memory and it'll feel great to be gone. Oblivion.
 
Toasted Crumpet

Toasted Crumpet

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Feb 11, 2013
Messages
8,424
Location
under the Forum Troll bridge
I am sorry the system has treated you so badly. But don't go because of them! Fuck them and stay alive! Be more than they said you could be!
 
K

killswitchon

Guest
thanks yall for responses... nothing will change but i got a bunch of tattoos today that needed to happen. im preparing for my exit and it feels good.
 
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