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Eye contact and staring - makes me seem weird and is killing me

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Adedayo

New member
Joined
Mar 16, 2015
Messages
1
Please did anyone find solution to this hyper sensitive peripheral vision ? Please let me know how you did it . I am suffering from this problem . It won't go away . Help
 
S

Sharontoplis

Member
Joined
Mar 29, 2015
Messages
9
Do u end up staring n can't stop n then you dnt know what your doing coz I do n it's ruining my life !!, No one seems to know what's wrong with me?, They've diagnosed me with schitzophrenia !!, I just want some hope!, Pls txt bk ASAP!!. Lol!, Shaz!. Xx
 
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honeybee2015

New member
Joined
Jan 30, 2015
Messages
4
i haven't found a solution yet but keeping myself busy with work and other things keeps my mind off it. The more you think about it, the more it will affect you.
 
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Amal21

New member
Joined
Jul 27, 2015
Messages
3
Hi
I have the same exact issue. Did anyone find a solution or an explanation to it? It's ruining my life. I no longer have social life!!
 
AliceinWonderland

AliceinWonderland

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Staff Member on Leave
Joined
Jan 25, 2012
Messages
11,860
Location
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Hi Amal, sorry to hear this is having such a big impact on you. This thread hasn't been active recently so you might not get a reply from others who've posted before. I haven't read it all, but is there anything anyone else has found helpful that you could try (I think there were some suggestions earlier in the thread, from memory)?

I'm glad you've posted, I hope you find the forum helpful, and :welcome: :)
 
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Aquarius

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 25, 2014
Messages
169
Location
Scotland
Sadly I haven't found a solution. Though I have been making a concentrated effort with friends.
 
A

Amal21

New member
Joined
Jul 27, 2015
Messages
3
Has anyone gotten their eyes checked? I have a feeling it's a vision issue. I'm seeing an optometrist soon.
 
A

Amal21

New member
Joined
Jul 27, 2015
Messages
3
Have u told your friends about your problem?
 
M

Maaaa

New member
Joined
Sep 1, 2015
Messages
1
Hi guys

I've sort of recently developed this staring issue about 2 years ago and it is completely tearing me apart. Whenever i look at someone I automatically stare at them without my control. Its been getting worse lately. Now when i have eye contact with someone my eyes widen and the person I'm talking to eyes widen and then they look away or have real trouble looking at me. My own girlfriend has trouble looking at me now. I'm trying really hard to control it but its almost impossible. When I look at my self in the mirror I look fine but then I look at someone else and my eyes go into a stare. I never used to have this issue and its really making me super antisocial. I used to be a very fun and loving person to talk to and now I feel like nobody wants to look at me. Please help with any ideas that you have! I thought about going to a doctor but i don't know what they could do for me.
Same here. Have you found any solution?
 
J

jimindigo

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 13, 2012
Messages
197
Try reverse psychology. DELIBERATELY do it with girlfriend or other you trust,and keep
doing it until too tired to keep up.
 
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hamlet33

Member
Joined
Feb 4, 2016
Messages
8
To all the people who had the courage to post this debilitating disorder, I want to say you are not alone.

I have the exact same problem. I asked myself where did my self-control go when dealing with people. It is just rude and weird to stare at others. Why do I just get fixated on their face and their eyes?

I have made so many people uncomfortable to the point where several of my coworkers moved away because they had to deal with me. I am super smart at my job but a chunk of it requires to communicate and be in meetings. I feel so bad for so many people who I saw were visibly disturbed by me. It's like I infected them also and then we both were aware of it.

This consumed my life and I only thought about 'it.'

So, I got a therapist who I had sessions with. He just diagnosed me with having low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence. I started working on rebuilding but shit always hits the fan for me, so I was trapped in this vicious cycle. Then I started thinking that I had low self-esteem even before this eye-contact issue, so this must've been caused by something else.

I have several coping theories that you oughta try. Don't give up, please. I know it drove me to commit suicide but I know there's nothing wrong with us and I just have to fix this glitch.

[Disclaimer - I am not a Medical Doctor. Read the following at your own risk.]

Theory #1 - Projecting Your Issues

This is I think the root cause for me atleast. I realized the moment I look at others, the thought which bugged me and made me zone out and stare at them was the thought of them thinking about me. Like they would be the most benign person on the planet, yet my mind manufactured irrational, unspoken things about them. My mind thought of them thinking of me which made me shy and awkward and it made them feel awkward as well, as to why I had lost self-control. Like you know the moment you've let go and all of your focus is the other person. For instance when you really like some one, it is okay to stare at them.

So somehow, I think it is linked to having an inflated ego which thinks that everyone is 'watching me' that it is them who are staring at me, it is others who have feeling for me or some deep crush. This thinking leads to reality and somehow the other person catches on these vibes through your eyes.

So my mind was preoccupied by others. Like I would enter a room and have already scanned every person. This initiated the peripheral vision fixation. I just thought all the time, that others are thinking of me and watching me and they like me, and have a secret crush on me and shit like this. This paralyzed me when someone approached me and I just get focused on them because something inside me made me realize, that when they looked at me, it confirmed that they like me and hence, the oh shit awkward moment completley overtakes the conversation.

Theory #1 - It's all in your mind.

I am very well read and have written extensively about 'it' in my journals. I even kept a tiny notepad of every thought which went over my head. This theory has worked for me half the time but I do relapse into staring again.

Having eye-contact is perfectly normal. We all had it growing up and much of our adult life. So by looking at someone, there's nothing abysmal about it. It is in our mind, some pesky thoughts which trigger anxiety and shove us out of our tracks. For me, I separated my ego driven mind which had incorporated this disease and took over my real self. I said to myself that it is only my ego talking which are just thoughts and not the real me. There's the real me and then there's the ego which was consumed by the paranoia.

I finally sat down in a comfortable place and took several breathes to take control of my ego and separate it. I had the most spiritual experience ever. I felt free and normal and pure. But it is very hard to keep it pure if you are around shit most of the time.

I would suggest going to a therapist and rooting out all the issues and blatantly telling him/her of this issue.

Theory #3 - Looking elsewhere

This theory works but makes you look weak. When I was at my all time low, I just stopped looking at people. I would talk to them by actively ignoring them. It was embarrassing. I felt so weak and all sorts of vicious thoughts hounded me like, 'You can't even look at people.' It worked but really pounded my personality which never had this problem. I only do it as a last resort. People will actually know that you have a problem with eye-contact. I've never been made fun of but some people will give condescending looks. It is rude in many cultures and American families to look away.

----

I had three theories which I wrote but took too long. My session timed out and was unable to save it.

I will write more when I have time again.

Please PM if you had success with my suggestions.

Don't give up.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
AliceinWonderland

AliceinWonderland

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Staff Member on Leave
Joined
Jan 25, 2012
Messages
11,860
Location
UK
You've obviously given this a lot of thought and effort, and I'm glad you've had success with your approaches. Welcome to the forum :peace:

(Just curious, I wonder why you ask people to pm you rather than reply in the thread where others can benefit from the discussion?).
 
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hamlet33

Member
Joined
Feb 4, 2016
Messages
8
@AliceinWonderland

I wrote to PM because this is such an embarassing thing to discuss in public, atleast that's what I think. So I thought many people who are not comfortable talking about it in public would connect with me privately.
 
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Member67

Active member
Joined
Feb 3, 2016
Messages
32
Try starting at the part of the nose between the eyes. They will think you are looking at their eyes and you hopefully you wont feel as anxious.
 
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