Eye contact and staring - makes me seem weird and is killing me

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jimindigo

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#41
Try and sit by the T.V. especially if discussion on for practice with their eyes.
 
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Megadildoextreme46

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#42
I get the same thing. Women think I'm a sex fiend, black people think I'm racist, and everyone else just thinks I'm gay. It's not fun.
 
NicoretteGummed

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#43
I've suffered from Terror of making Eye Contact and it really is a horrible thing to suffer from.

At it's most extreme it makes even the most basic of Socialising very very difficult.
 
Toasted Crumpet

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#44
I've been told I stare at people too and that it makes them feel uncomfortable, I don't know I'm doing it and can't really help it. One doctor thought I had an overactive thyroid because of my stare (tested negative)

Then I have the converse where I can't look people in the eye when talking to them.

My partner says in social situations I look stunned, like I haven't a clue what is going on (that's because I don't!) and that most people know how to smile and look interested even when they don't understand what is going on whereas I look like an alien parachuted down to these strange creatures
 
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Topcat

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#45
I have a problem with making eye contact, it makes me feel uncomfortable. It's been a problem for as long as I remember, and was pointed out to me by my neighbour who came back a bit pissed (I was probably about 13? babysitting) and proceeded to talk to me for an hour, pointing out my lack of eye contact and making me look at her. Uncomfortable much?!
I did a shitty secretarial course at college and they talk about appropriate eye contact at job interviews, so I kind of trained myself (and still consciously practice) to make intermittent/appropriate eye contact. I tend to watch people's mouths (which I realise I do, and maybe that looks weird to others? But I find I can't understand people as clearly if their mouth is covered)
I still can't stand face to face, close contact. Even with my husband. I just want to wither up.
 
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Melanee

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#46
Hi, I am late coming to this thread, but I was surfing the web tonight, and can't believe I came across this. I have had the same problem for many years. It makes me incredibly miserable....!!! I didn't have a problem with my eye contact when I was younger, but almost over night everything changed. I believe mine came on as a result of a medication. However, I feel like I'm the only one in the world with this staring problem. People think I'm doing it on purpose and I can't control it!! I would love to talk to someone about it as I have been alone with it for so long now. Someone can message me if they would like. Thanks...
 
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EastBayGrease

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#47
I suffer from this too. I am okay with making eye contact, but I feel like my eye contact is very intense and makes other people uncomfortable. When I make eye contact, I feel like the eyes of the person that I am talking to will widen and their facial expression will become tense. I can't make "soft" eye contact.

I have a few coping skills that seem to help. While making eye contact, I concentrate on blinking regularly. This prevents me from going into a fixed stare. More over, I've found blinking rapidly reduces anxiety. When I do 100 rapid blinks, my mood becomes more relaxed.

Secondly, I have found that my breathing becomes shallow when I make eye contact with someone. Probably because it makes me nervous because I anticipate the other person having a negative reaction to my stare. I've noticed that breathing deeply helps my eye contact to be more relaxed.

Lastly, I try not to face the person directly. I find this makes body language is challening/threatening to people. Thus, I try to angle my body a bit and angle or slightly tilt my head.

That said, it's very tiresome to have to focus on regular blinking, adjusting my body, and deep breathing every time I have to talk to someone at work or out in the world.
 
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Melanee

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#48
Interesting that you have come up with some creative ways to deal with your eye problem like blinking and deep breathing.. Good for you.

I was told by the Mayo Clinic that mercury poisoning causes staring and I was diagnosed with that. I also heard it causes social anxiety (according to Mary Hammond).

The only things I have found to work are vigorous exercise, eating less sugar and caffeine and sometimes eating no gluten or dairy. However, those things are hard to do consistently. I feel it is something I am going to have to manage the rest of my life. I feel it is some kind of a phobia that is physiological--or my nervous system...the hardest part by far is feeling all alone and that people don't understand. I think sometimes they think I am staring on purpose when I can't control it. The worst is when they make comments...or point it out in a mean way. My therapists wants me to speak out about it and be more assertive...that does help, but some people are still asses and do not even try to think before they speak. Does anyone else have people pointing it out or making fun of them because of their poor or too intense eye contact?
 
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josie

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#49
Is there anyone that has found a solution to the first problem this person talked about? Ugh I've found so many things online of people saying they have this problem too and can't seem to find someone saying they have found a solution to it but i bet someone has by now :////// really irritated blahhh
 
SomersetScorpio

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#50
Is there anyone that has found a solution to the first problem this person talked about? Ugh I've found so many things online of people saying they have this problem too and can't seem to find someone saying they have found a solution to it but i bet someone has by now :////// really irritated blahhh
Hi Josie,
Sorry that you're struggling with this - it can be really uncomfortable to deal with, can't it?
What's helped me was practising in situations that don't necessarily matter. Making quick eye contact with a shop assistant when paying for goods, for example.
I think what ultimately helped me though is generally lowering my anxiety levels. For me this was done by medication and getting out more, and being in company that was supportive.
 
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Melanee

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#51
eye contact

I am curious if anyone wants to share with me where you feel this problem originated.
Something that developed later in life or had been with you from early on?

Even though I know mine is the result of mercury poisoning, I wonder if there are other causes and that it might be neurological?
 
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jimindigo

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#52
Well,I know anxiety for me,was TRANSFERRED from parents to world at large,
so logic tells me the fear of eye-contact can too. (for some).
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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#53
Eye contact was a problem for me at a really young age.
Whenever I found myself talking to adults - other kid's parents and helpers at my playschool - i'd never look at them when I spoke. More often than not i'd look at my Mum as if I were answering to her rather than whoever spoke to me.
I don't know why it was that bad at such a young age, about three - even more odd, I was never like it with kids my own age. I could look at them fine. :shrug:

Well,I know anxiety for me,was TRANSFERRED from parents to world at large,
so logic tells me the fear of eye-contact can too. (for some).
That's a really interesting idea.
It's only been in my adult life that i've realised how bad my Dad is at giving eye contact.
He'll look the immediate family in the eye, but anybody else and he won't look at them. Again, only really since 'growing up' have I realise how shy he is.
I wonder if that went in subconsciously somewhere.
 
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jimindigo

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#54
Aha,Scorpio,don't you know the one thing a child is master of?
Imitating!
 
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honeybee2015

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#55
Omg!!! I thought i was the only one. I experience the exact same thing. Its ruining my life even my family thinks i'm weird and i dont know what to do. You described it perfectly i could have wrote that. I have no friends because of it everyone thinks im weird. Would love to chat with you to see if you found any solutions.
Im glad to know that im not the only one with this problem...it started few years ago...i cant have a normal conversation with family or friends...i dont have friends anymore coz everyone gets uncomfortable around me...its making me realy miserable..ive tried searching for answers and tried not to think about it but nothing helped :-(.....
IS THERE ANY SOLUTIONS TO THIS?? i miss having friends and having normal conversations..
 
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honeybee2015

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#56
Omg same with me...its even worse sitting with someone at a table or in a circle.....ive never talked about it before to anyone...its destroying my confidence
 
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SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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#57
Hi Honeybee, welcome to the forum.
This is an old thread thought it has had relatively recent posts. Still, I want to make you aware you might not get a massive amount of responses.

I can really understand how much this issue can affect you.
I used to be terrible when it came to making eye contact.

I suppose what helped me was improving my overall anxiety levels.
Yes, medication was a part of that, but I also used to slowly make steps forward.
Say for instance, when paying for an item in a shop, i'd make sure that i'd make eye contact with the shop assistant at least once.
 
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jimindigo

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#58
Hope following may help: Draw pairs of eyes on strips of paper,put in living room,toilet,
kitchen,get habit of looking at them often.Sit close to TV and get eyes of people talking,
etc. As Scorpio said,get contacts outside,make a game of it-see how many colours you
can collect. If there is at least 1person you can safely talk to,ask them to stare at you
so you can do it back to them--SATURATE self with eyes,both drawn and real and TV.
 
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Aquarius

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#59
I practice with the TV. Trying to look at people's eyes is almost painful for me. I also make an effort with shop assistants. I have to make a real effort to even look in the vague direction of the person I'm speaking to. Then I worry that I'm staring ... And so it goes on.
 
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honeybee2015

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#60
Thanx scorpio...i need to know why it happened or what is the root cause for this
 
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