Eye contact and staring - makes me seem weird and is killing me

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beaniecopa

Member
Joined
Jul 8, 2012
Messages
10
Since my early 20's. Im just starting to try and deal with it. I feel like i could be so much, but i have this one little thing thats preventing me from succeeding. Im not going to give up on figuring it out though. I encourage you not to give up either. I feel better knowing other people deal with this too. I thought it was unique to me. Where you from?
 
M

Mambavenom

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Joined
Aug 8, 2012
Messages
8
yea i use to think i was the only one too im from a little town in texas near houston..whats ur name and what do u do in ur spare time
 
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beaniecopa

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Jul 8, 2012
Messages
10
My Names Andre'. I actually have a lot of spare time. Not working at the moment. I just watch tv mostly
 
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Mambavenom

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Aug 8, 2012
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did u ever have to deal with this in school and yea thats how i spend most days too or tripping on psychedelics
 
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beaniecopa

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Jul 8, 2012
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10
I smoke weed myself. Maybe a little bit in high school, but wasnt really a problem until i got out.
 
A

afunguy24

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Joined
Sep 30, 2012
Messages
1
A cure for staring!

For the love of god, I thought I was alone! I don't have this problem anymore, and I can tell all of you something very important and true. You might not believe it, but it is all in your head! Your actually not staring, it's called a peripheral vision, meaning that you can see what is happening to your right and left, without your eyeballs moving. The reason you think you stare, is because you notice your peripheral vision, which stops you from focusing, and which makes you look at people directly sometimes. I would look at people occasionally, when I thought I stared at them, meaning I would stare at people when I thought i stared, which I didn't to begin with!

If you don't believe me, record yourself with a webcam, and try to look at a point at the screen, while noticing stuff around you, for example a lamp. When you see the recording you will notice that you don't stare "from the side", meaning it's your peripheral vision. I repeat your not staring!!!!! This is very important to understand, it's all in your head! I saw a therapist a year ago, because I just couldn't take it anymore, it changed my life 180 degrees.
My therapist made one exercise where she would sit next to me, and she would tell me if I stared. I noticed her, and I thought I stared, but she told me I didn't. She told me my eyes didn't wander. It was all in my head. When you get nervous, you begin to notice stuff around you, in your peripheral vision. That doesn't mean you stare, it just makes you more nervous and stops you from focusing!

Simple exercise: Record yourself, and look at a point at the screen, whilst "staring at stuff around you". Trust me, the result will blow your mind!
I actually asked my friends in the end, if they had noticed me staring at them, and they told me again and again, NO! And these are friends I have known since I was a kid. You can even take your computer, and go to the library or canteen/public place, record yourself, and look at the screen, do your stuff. You will notice stuff around you, but your eyes won't wander! Trust me! You might move your eyes, when you look directly at something, but not when it is in your peripheral vision. After a while you will get more calm, and the anxiety will go away. Record yourself again and again, and notice that your eyes look completely normal. After sometime you won't even notice anymore!

I don't see my therapist anymore, I saw her a couple of times, she worked with cognitive therapy, and I didn't take any prescription drugs. Just by talking to her, and doing some small assignments, it worked.

And if you think that your problem is worse than mine, than get this: I had this problem with thinking I stared at people since I was 16, up until a year ago. I'm now 28, meaning I had the problem for 12 years of my life. Stop wasting your time, and trust me. It is all in your head!

I hope you all the best, and please write back on your experiences, after you record yourself. It will blow your mind!

I will check up on this page once in a while.

Yours sincerely

Joey
 
B

beaniecopa

Member
Joined
Jul 8, 2012
Messages
10
Thanks a lot for that information for the first time in a long time i feel like i might be ok. Where are you from?
 
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beaniecopa

Member
Joined
Jul 8, 2012
Messages
10
I just recorded myself and i think you could be right. i think your advice just changed the course of my entire life. THANK YOU VERY MUCH
 
M

Mambavenom

Member
Joined
Aug 8, 2012
Messages
8
Ive been reading this just about ever morning Ive made alot of progress but still have a long way to go but thank you very much for taking the time to write all of that to help people you dont even know
 
D

dureti

New member
Joined
Dec 12, 2012
Messages
1
hi joey

I've the same problem for about 5 years now. It's ruining my life, I'm really struggling. I get that it's all in the head but how do you get over that? I know my eyes aren't physically moving, however I can't control what mind is doing. Please let us know how your therapist helped you to change the mental problem? Thanks.


Ive been reading this just about ever morning Ive made alot of progress but still have a long way to go but thank you very much for taking the time to write all of that to help people you dont even know
A cure for staring!

For the love of god, I thought I was alone! I don't have this problem anymore, and I can tell all of you something very important and true. You might not believe it, but it is all in your head! Your actually not staring, it's called a peripheral vision, meaning that you can see what is happening to your right and left, without your eyeballs moving. The reason you think you stare, is because you notice your peripheral vision, which stops you from focusing, and which makes you look at people directly sometimes. I would look at people occasionally, when I thought I stared at them, meaning I would stare at people when I thought i stared, which I didn't to begin with!

If you don't believe me, record yourself with a webcam, and try to look at a point at the screen, while noticing stuff around you, for example a lamp. When you see the recording you will notice that you don't stare "from the side", meaning it's your peripheral vision. I repeat your not staring!!!!! This is very important to understand, it's all in your head! I saw a therapist a year ago, because I just couldn't take it anymore, it changed my life 180 degrees.
My therapist made one exercise where she would sit next to me, and she would tell me if I stared. I noticed her, and I thought I stared, but she told me I didn't. She told me my eyes didn't wander. It was all in my head. When you get nervous, you begin to notice stuff around you, in your peripheral vision. That doesn't mean you stare, it just makes you more nervous and stops you from focusing!

Simple exercise: Record yourself, and look at a point at the screen, whilst "staring at stuff around you". Trust me, the result will blow your mind!
I actually asked my friends in the end, if they had noticed me staring at them, and they told me again and again, NO! And these are friends I have known since I was a kid. You can even take your computer, and go to the library or canteen/public place, record yourself, and look at the screen, do your stuff. You will notice stuff around you, but your eyes won't wander! Trust me! You might move your eyes, when you look directly at something, but not when it is in your peripheral vision. After a while you will get more calm, and the anxiety will go away. Record yourself again and again, and notice that your eyes look completely normal. After sometime you won't even notice anymore!

I don't see my therapist anymore, I saw her a couple of times, she worked with cognitive therapy, and I didn't take any prescription drugs. Just by talking to her, and doing some small assignments, it worked.

And if you think that your problem is worse than mine, than get this: I had this problem with thinking I stared at people since I was 16, up until a year ago. I'm now 28, meaning I had the problem for 12 years of my life. Stop wasting your time, and trust me. It is all in your head!

I hope you all the best, and please write back on your experiences, after you record yourself. It will blow your mind!

I will check up on this page once in a while.

Yours sincerely

Joey
 
N

nmg13mx

New member
Joined
Dec 27, 2012
Messages
1
Hi guys

I've sort of recently developed this staring issue about 2 years ago and it is completely tearing me apart. Whenever i look at someone I automatically stare at them without my control. Its been getting worse lately. Now when i have eye contact with someone my eyes widen and the person I'm talking to eyes widen and then they look away or have real trouble looking at me. My own girlfriend has trouble looking at me now. I'm trying really hard to control it but its almost impossible. When I look at my self in the mirror I look fine but then I look at someone else and my eyes go into a stare. I never used to have this issue and its really making me super antisocial. I used to be a very fun and loving person to talk to and now I feel like nobody wants to look at me. Please help with any ideas that you have! I thought about going to a doctor but i don't know what they could do for me.
 
G

gpysc

Active member
Joined
Dec 26, 2012
Messages
26
Years ago I was also obsessed with my eye-movements; imaging all kind of consequences because of it. It was also my only channel through which I reached other people. It was always wrong independent of the direction of my gaze. I not only thought in terms of ‘uncomfortable’, which most of all I was myself, but also in all kind of possible interpretations my gaze could provoke.
Nowadays I am less troubled with it. I am certain that I still behave strange, only I don’t believe that it is only the eyes which evoke that impression. I have read of experiments in which different eyes and mouths are combined and the impression on observers was measured. It was the mouth which made the difference, but people thought it were the eyes. With your whole body you make clear that you are going to do something to them with your eyes and they respond to that.
Out of disdain I never watched television during this period. To improve my foreign language skills I started watching foreign television during the meal, later moving the television as close as a conversation partner. Now I am so used to looking at people, that I don’t even realize it. But maybe it’s because my libido now inhabits something else. What is now the channel to the outside world?
 
Anxious-H3RO

Anxious-H3RO

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Joined
Jan 23, 2013
Messages
3
Location
California
I have this problem too, it makes my life so difficult. During lectures, I sometimes put my hoodie on just so I wouldn't see anyone in my peripheral vision or else it would be difficult to concentrate to what my professor is saying. I can't even look into anyones eyes without it being uncomfortable. I look away, I don't want to look rude but it's hard to conversate when I make eye contact. I don't know whats wrong with me :C I feel I am becoming less social.
 
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Comrade24

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Joined
Mar 18, 2013
Messages
1
Finally! I've been looking for a solution for this. I've been in the military for 5 years and started having this problem 4 years ago. I really don't know what to do. Everytime I go to meetings, briefings, training and mil gatherings people always think that I'm crazy. Even my friends and co-workers think that I'm weird/crazy I make them uncomfortable and it comes to the point that they really avoid sitting next to me and in front of me. I am really having a bad time dealing with this. I've been searching on the internet about this.
 
NicoretteGummed

NicoretteGummed

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Joined
Feb 15, 2012
Messages
6,184
Location
SW England
Sometimes difficulty with eye contact can be a symptom of something quite serious such as a Mental Illness.

It can be linked to Schizophrenia, Schizo-Affective Disorder, Manic Depression as well as Depression and Anxiety.

It can be especially linked to Autism and Aspergers and I would recommend any Posters on this thread to view the "Other Disorders" Section on this Forum
 
M

Mambavenom

Member
Joined
Aug 8, 2012
Messages
8
To anyone who might have any advice for me or if u just want someone to talk to heres my email (email removed) little phobia of mine has consistently gotten worse im living life as a hermit now and i have no options i dont know what to do anymore
 
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coldwater00

coldwater00

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Joined
Jun 19, 2013
Messages
3,380
Location
Yorkshire
I used to have a terrible problem with eye contact so much so that I couldn't even look in the direction of a persons face when they were talking to me I had to stare at the wall or into the distance or something which made it seem like I was very cold and not really interested in what the other person was saying.

I still get really anxious now when I have to talk to someone face to face because I worry that my face won't look relaxed enough or I look worried or angry or something because sometimes when I have videoed myself talking my voice and facial expressions seem weird and awkward and I do worry about other people picking up on that a lot. I can look people in the eye now and I'm a lot better with face to face conversation than I used to be, it just seems a lot more natural to me I guess and not such a huge deal. It is still scary though and It aint perfect yet.
 
D

diddypinks

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Messages
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look at the spot between the eyebrows its easier and no they cant tell:)
 
D

Danasb2013

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Aug 8, 2013
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Embrace it!

Good, strong eye contact is much better than none at all, plus the opposite sex often find it intriguing. Use it to your advantage. Make a perceived negative into a positive.

:eek:
 
HaHaCrazy

HaHaCrazy

Member
Joined
Sep 22, 2013
Messages
8
Location
Rochester NY
I can relate to this. I go to the coffee shop, but usually don't talk to anyone.
Things that have helped me are consciously choosing NOT to think about it, because the more you think about it, the worse it is. Also having positive obsessions, to replace the negative ones, such as writing. I've been in a lot of mental health programs, and my conclusion is: it's best not to label yourself or dwell on sickness. Dwell on wellness, and working hard.
I have used my compulsivity to write a novel about dealing with anxiety and eating disorders through humor. I've tried to keep it positive and entertaining, even though sometimes there is an instinct to write as an outlet
for bad feelings, which is also therapeutic, but not entertaining reading.
 
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