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extremely depressed today

StillFighting

StillFighting

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Dec 28, 2014
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What the title says: i feel more depressed than ever today. Life sucks. I am worthless. I don't deserve nice things. I don't deserve any support. I only deserve people yelling at me, and telling me I'm not trying hard enough.

And I don't even have the energy to fight this. I just want to hide in a hole and never get out.
 

MarlieeB

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Hi Still Fighting.

Sorry that you are having a day where you feel extremely depressed.

You do deserve nice things and support and you don't deserve people yelling at you and telling you, you aren't trying hard enough.

Can you have a chill out evening. Just being on the sofa, chilling?

What has brought this on? Or is it just one of those days?

Marliee x
 
StillFighting

StillFighting

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Hi Marliee, thank you very much.

To be honest.. I'm not really sure what brought this. I think it might be one of those days, and I feel I'm getting a bit sick, which is not really helping with my mood.

I'm trying to just chill, and rest, and play some games on my laptop. But it's like there's a voice in my head (not a real voice, but like a part of myself) telling me I shouldn't rest. I should do more, I should be making job applications, or studying, I shouldn't waste my time. And that's so frustrating...

And I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow, and I'm not really looking forward to it. I feel like he's going to be mad at me for feeling so depressed.
 

MarlieeB

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Well if he's mad about you feeling depressed then what is the point of him being a therapist?

I hope you can carry on just chilling and try your best to not let you speak yourself into feeling guilty about having a chill day, we all need those kind of day every now and again :)
 
M

Mastiff mom

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Dear Stillfighting, I agree so much with Marilee. Sometimes you really need to cut yourself a break. Especially if you're feeling depressed. It's okay to take care of yourself and just relax awhile. Hope you can allow yourself to do this without guilt. Big hugs.
 
ScaredCat

ScaredCat

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Sorry you are feeling so low. Please try and be kind to yourself. You are not worthless and you do derserve support whatever you might think. I get that voice too telling me i am not doing enough so i understand how horrid that is. I hope your therapist isnt mad at you for being depressed. Imo he shouldnt be. Mine have never been mad at me. Its not your fault you are depressed. Hope you do manage to rest
 
StillFighting

StillFighting

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I'm in tears, for no apparent reason. But reading your replies here, it gives me comfort and makes me feel less alone, thank you so very much.

I still feel quite crappy, but at least I got out of bed, I've been there half the day... I just moved to the living room, thinking of watching some tv series maybe.
 

MarlieeB

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It may not seem like it but that is a big step when you are feeling so bad, just getting out of bed and to the living room so well done.

A TV series sounds like a good idea :)

Have you eaten anything today?
 
StillFighting

StillFighting

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Yeah, I had leftovers from yesterday, now having some fruits. It may sound weird, but sometimes I feel guilty when I eat/cook - like.. I shouldn't take care of myself, like I don't deserve it. There used to be a time when I wouldn't eat well for weeks. At least, now I'm trying. I have this guilt, but I'm trying to eat well.
 

MarlieeB

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No, it doesn't sound weird.

Our brains tell us all kinds of things and when we are feeling ill.

I'm glad you are pushing through and trying to eat well :)
 
G

greatfulmomoftwo

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Oh sweetie we have all been there and it sucks. You are not worthless and I'm so proud of you for eating..going out to the couch and taking care of you. Know we care and are here for you. Keep posting if that helps. Huge hugs!!!
 
Agatha

Agatha

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You are doing better than you realize and not to minimize your pain but you have gotten out of bed and are eating and that's good. Pat yourself on the back for everything you do, you deserve credit. You are a worthy person no matter what the depression is telling you. There's a part of me that tells me all kinds of awful stuff about myself and I try to tell it to leave me alone. I even yell at it sometimes. I hope you will start to feel better soon.
 
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