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Extreme phobia: physically losing control + hospitals (long!!)

B

BoBeau

New member
Joined
Oct 31, 2019
Messages
1
Location
Europe
Hello! I'm new to this forum, so I'm going to present myself just a little bit;
I'm Bo, I'm 20 and I'm currently followed by a psychiatrist, I was diagnosed with bipolar 2/bpd, ptsd, anxiety and depression (I know, it's a lot lol)

I've come here because no psy, therapist, or nurse could help me with my phobia(s) (even my current psy ignored it to focus on my bpd, even though I insisted on it)


I'm gonna try to make it short-ish, so I don't write a brick of text:
I've got an extreme, EXTREME phobia of losing control (physically) AND hospitals.
  • Losing control includes me being forced to avoid topics (books, series, movies, testimonies, jokes, etc...) that involve being knocked out, anesthesia, being trapped, jailed, being held against one's will, captured, injured, patched up, healing, bedridden... (You can bet this prevents me from enjoying a LOT of things) Basically: ANYTHING that strips you from your control.
  • My phobia of hospitals makes my brain and body react very violently to all written previously: as soon as I read more than a sentence (that alone makes me feel dizzy), I get tunnel vision, cold sweats, shaking, tingling in my hands, a cold and feeling of pressure in my head, and intense nausea and anxiety along with often a high BPM. I also have a huge fear of feeling sleepy, drowsy, struggling to wake up after anesthesia, and ignored, disrespected, or abused by nurses. (nurses were very rude and mean to my mom when she had major surgery)

Even worse: Not only do I have a major surgery in the future, but also, in 2 months, I'm going to go under general anesthesia to remove some teeth, sadly this hits both my phobias, loss of control (anesthesia) and hospitals (nurses, docs, etc..), when thinking about it, I INSTANTLY get very violent stabbing feelings in my stomach, cold sweats, and I dissociate. Just earlier this morning my mind drifted into guessing what would happen (the simplest things, like the image of sitting on a bed), it physically made me so dizzy I felt the world around my twist for a few seconds.

  • A point that could help: As a kid, I got my tonsils removed, I was 4. I only remember the red balloon I had to breathe in and a very kind doctor. After that I don't remember much, EXCEPT when I woke up and tried to prop myself up on my elbows to look around as I was wheeled in the room, I was instantly pinned by the nurses (who didn't talk to me, because here nurses and docs don't bother as kids "don't understand" anything and they prefer talking to the parents) but my mom clearly recalled that as soon as I was back in the room they were waiting in, I jumped off the bed screaming and hid under the hospital room's sink, and screeched in fear whenever anyone would try to touch me. The doc also told my parents that in the waking room, they tried to give me a suppository (I know, a bit blunt but I can't find any subtler word), but I was thrashing and screaming and 'wouldn't listen', so they gave up. Even to this day I don't remember this, but somehow I feel like this played a big role in my phobia.
  • When in an hospital itself, I feel a bit nervous but as I am "out" of the actual trigger, I feel calmer than say, on an hospital bed.
  • I seem to be obsessed with those triggering scenarios, by inventing stories about it, triggering myself on purpose (???) or visibly talking way too much about it for it to be 'casual', I don't know why and I wish I knew.

I have to add, comments like "You should trust doctors" or "There's no reason to fear hospitals/loss of control" don't help me at all, they can worsen my case at times, sorry :(

I just wanted to know; can anyone help me find out what kind of therapy would work for me? Does this specific phobia sound like ptsd to you? Do you have any suggestion, opinion or guess you would like to share? I'm all ears!
Sorry if this is in the wrong thread, or has grammar mistakes, I'm a bit dizzy from writing all of this lol

Have a good day yall!
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
2,279
Location
USA
Hi @BoBeau

I have PTSD and can relate to what you wrote.Prolonged exposure therapy might work for you,it's worth trying.My therapist gave me a workbook to work in as I exposed myself to my fears and phobias and traumas.

I still,when I have to see a new doctor or dentist,go to the place and walk around,check it out,find all the exits,etc to try to lower my anxiety level.I keep doing that until I feel comfortable enough to schedule an appointment.

There's lots you can do to in order to help yourself with all of it but it does sound like you need a professionals guidance.Maybe go see someone and see what they suggest?

Hugs
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
10,030
Location
England
Hi,
Welcome to the forum
I'm sorry you've had bad experiences, hope therapy helps you.
Take care
 
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