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Extreme introvert looking for some feeling

N

northernvintner

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Joined
Dec 23, 2013
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1
Hello,

I am a severely introverted person. I get no joy out of other people, and I'd rather read than talk. When around a group of friends, I almost never have anything to say so I usually just sit and listen. I don't really have any friends anymore, though. Me and my partner spend most of our time together with nobody else. I've been getting a strong urge to make friends, but I don't get any sort of pleasure out of talking to people, and I think what I crave is something I am incapable of as I stand. I do laugh and enjoy conversations that are worth enjoying, but only at an intellectual level. My emotions are pretty flat in interpersonal situations. I do feel, though, very VERY strongly... but it's entirely from within my own head. When I don't get depressed at other people in public showing friendship (laughing, having fun, etc) I get almost scornful of it - I think it's a defense mechanism. I tend to exert negativity when I see people enjoying the emotions I want to feel.

Does anyone have any advice? I'm going to go crazy here... I feel like something is trying to burst out of my chest at times. I know it's a neurological deficit... recent studies have confirmed my years-long suspicion. I just want to know how to cope with it and make it better.

I'm 23 if that matters.

Thanks.
 
Cazcat

Cazcat

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Sep 12, 2013
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2,423
Hi, I'm quite an introverted person myself and don't have many friends my partner is the same and it's always been just the two of us really so I'm not the best person to give advice. Recently my partner was very unwell and I realised that I need a wider support network. My approach has been to make an effort to participate in social events organised through work and to join an evening class in the hope of meeting some more like minded people. Wish you lots of success.
 
Kerome

Kerome

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Sep 29, 2013
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Hi, I used to be quite introverted, but these days I'm more balanced. Cazcat's comments on extending your social network and participating are good, I'd also say to follow your interests and try to develop more. It's no good pursuing an artificial vision of "these are the things all popular people do", it's much better to take the things you feel comfortable with and go that direction. For example if you like wine try a wine tasting class.

The other thing I'd ask is, have you any idea of what fuels your introversion? I found after many years that my introversion was at least in part caused by a pattern from my teenage years, my dad and me used to move a lot, every six months, and so I'd lose all my friends every six months, and after a while I stopped making them. Finding out if there is something in your past that caused you to behave like that can allow you to make some changes, coupled with new things in your life.
 
pepecat

pepecat

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Jul 19, 2010
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I'm slightly confused because you say you do feel things, very strongly, but then you get annoyed when people are displaying emotions that you want to feel.......

I wonder if it's not so much lack of emotion, or introversion, but a fear of showing emotions for whatever reason? What was your family like when you were growing up - did you show / express emotions at all?
I only ask, because you sound a wee bit similar to me..... i tend to dismiss emotions and feel that they are unnecessary (not quite 'scornful' as you say in your post, but similar), and that's because I grew up in a house where we didn't really 'do' emotion at all. I too feel things, quite strongly, but learned early on that expressing those things wasn't really on, so I didn't, because it wasn't safe to do so. That then made me quite fearful as i got older, so i tend to avoid social situations where i might have to express emotions.
I wonder if it's a similar thing for you at all?

When you say you don't have anything to say to other people, is that because you don't feel liek you have stuff in common with them - that you have different interests? Sometimes it takes a bit of work to find people who have similar interests / intellectual pursuits as us.... we might have to do a bit of searching before we find people we 'click' with.
 

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