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extreme fear of talking about myself - need help

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MuffinBoy92

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I am in my late 20s and my painfully shy. Partly by nature as for as long as I remember I have been extremely shy. However, I was also bullied a lot which made my self esteem really low. As a result I am really closed off and never share anything personal for fear of being judged. Fear of being judged as wealthy for example. I have lied A LOT to fit in and now I really regret that.

I have never told people I have a sister for fear of being made fun of.

I have never told people I have an older brother who is a PHD.

I am terrified if i tell people this now they will be upset for never having shared this with them

Can anyone give me advice how to get over extreme social anxiety? Also how do i stop caring what everyone thinks of me?
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

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jajingna

jajingna

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The fear of being judged, or fear of negative evaluation, is common for people with social anxiety/phobia. I try to tell myself "What does it matter if someone judges me?" but that doesn't really do much for me, it doesn't really reduce the fear. I've lived with this for so long I'm not sure how it would feel if it didn't happen. Mainly I just try to look after myself by getting enough sleep, eating good food, not junk, and I take walks every day. Just being well rested helps reduce anxiety. There are some other things you can do too to help you calm down. I guess you have to find out what works for you. Doing things you enjoy for example.
 
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Keesha

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The fear of being judged, or fear of negative evaluation, is common for people with social anxiety/phobia. I try to tell myself "What does it matter if someone judges me?" but that doesn't really do much for me, it doesn't really reduce the fear. I've lived with this for so long I'm not sure how it would feel if it didn't happen. Mainly I just try to look after myself by getting enough sleep, eating good food, not junk, and I take walks every day. Just being well rested helps reduce anxiety. There are some other things you can do too to help you calm down. I guess you have to find out what works for you. Doing things you enjoy for example.
Yeah. This is about where I am on the subject
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

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The fear of being judged, or fear of negative evaluation, is common for people with social anxiety/phobia. I try to tell myself "What does it matter if someone judges me?" but that doesn't really do much for me, it doesn't really reduce the fear.
The techniques that can be found on that website I posted can be useful, I must admit. They have silly little names for them like 'mind bully' or 'poisonous parrot' but the theory and reasoning behind it is right. We so often find ourselves in situations and assume or we overanalyse either the situation itself or what is going on in the situation or what we did in the situation. The latter part is where I was going wrong for so long. I would often think of something stupid or clumsy that I did or said because I was already feeling anxious and that just served to feed the same thing happening next time around as I would go into it not being relaxed but thinking "Oh God, I hope I don't do that again". You're own mind starts messing with you and before you know it you're putting your foot in your mouth in super-clumsy fashion. Not being hung up on making mistakes is key. I used to really beat myself up about it in the past but these days if I make a mistake in saying a quick hello to a dog walker or something, I don't spend the next few hours running it through my head, I just say to myself, so what, you got jumbled up a bit, they probably won't think anything of it. When we can learn to notice these things about ourselves and find ways of relaxing into them, it helps a lot.
 
jajingna

jajingna

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Have seen this before. Thought I would add it to this thread.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

Brief Fear of Negative Evaluation Scale

Read each of the following statements carefully and indicate how characteristic it is of you according to the following scale:
1 = Not at all characteristic of me
2 = Slightly characteristic of me
3 = Moderately characteristic of me
4 = Very characteristic of me
5 = Extremely characteristic of me

_____ 1. I worry about what other people will think of me even when I know it doesn't make any difference.

_____ 2. I am unconcerned even if I know people are forming an unfavorable impression of me.

_____ 3. I am frequently afraid of other people noticing my shortcomings.

_____ 4. I rarely worry about what kind of impression I am making on someone.

_____ 5. I am afraid others will not approve of me.

_____ 6. I am afraid that people will find fault with me.

_____ 7. Other people's opinions of me do not bother me.

_____ 8. When I am talking to someone, I worry about what they may be thinking about me.

_____ 9. I am usually worried about what kind of impression I make.

_____ 10. If I know someone is judging me, it has little effect on me.

_____ 11. Sometimes I think I am too concerned with what other people think of me.

_____ 12. I often worry that I will say or do the wrong things.
 
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