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Extreme fear of being judged - need urgent help

S

sport541

Member
Joined
May 1, 2019
Messages
15
Location
Canada
I am 27 and i am extremely sensitive to peoples opinions of myself and my family. If i know someone would think negatively of me by me sharing a fact about myselfni would not share it or i would lie about. Just so i could fit in. Over the years i have not shared a lot about myself with some people and its making me really anxious and guilty. Now i want to start talking about myself but i am scared to death people will be mad at me.
Below are aome examples of things i did not mention with some people i have known for years -i have a sister who was living in USA -I have an oldest brother also living in usa who is a PHD -That i was part of a fraternity in unoversity -that my parents own a business -that i have been to europe and asia -that i used to play tennis tournaments -that i used to be a camp counsellor
Now i am scared to death that if people find se thinga about me they will be mad, upset or surprised qt me for me not telling it before. I am really anxious of standing out and of people judging me as rich
I was kind of bullied qute a bit growing up. People would mock me when i spoke and would say "i didnt know you could talk". People would make fun of my accent also. I am from south america but moved to canada when i was 11. I have always been really shy for as long i could remember. I was also voted most akward counselor by the other staff at the summer camp i worked at. One day there was visitors day and one of the other counselors told me his mom thought i had some mental problems. All these things really lowered my self esteem. At work one time i was called sketchy and secretive and one girl always points out how red i get.
Now i dont have any self esteem and really scared and nervous about everything. I want to be myself biut i am scared to death people will be mad at me for me never having shared i had a sister or that i have been to asia last year.
Really need some good advice. I tried taking improv lessons and while things got better a little when i was doing the lessons, things went back to normal soon after. I tried a therapist but didnt work out as i was too ashamed of telling him all this. I am starting a new therapist nezt week which i will give a try.
Really need some advice i am going crazy
 
Victorianna

Victorianna

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 8, 2019
Messages
792
Location
California, USA
I don’t think people will be mad at you if they find out the things you revealed here - you don’t have to tell everyone everything.
Improv - that is a very original way of gaining confidence! If it helped, can you go back to it, or something like it - theater, maybe?
Don’t let things people said long ago haunt you. I am also shy, self-conscious, easily embarrassed, so I know what it’s like, but I think people will like you for yourself. You sound like a nice person!
I hope you can share all this with your new therapist, and you can get some help with your low self-esteem.
 
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