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Extreme anxiety of talking about myself - need urgent help

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sport541

Member
Joined
May 1, 2019
Messages
15
Location
Canada
Thats the thing....that feeling of them being confused or suprised or mad at me, that i really dont want

I just want to be a normal guy...i dont know what to do anymore....as i said i cant fall asleep at night because of this...i am scared people would say i an weird because of all this
 
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claude

Guest
well to be honest, the thing that you fear is a part of being a "normal guy" and chatting about things in your life, people will have responses to what you say. That is true for EVERYONE, people will make judgements about us and think whatever they want to think. However most of the time other people do not judge as as badly as the way we are worried that they will. Mostly they don't care that much, they have their own things going on, we are not the centre of their world.

At the end of the day, if you don't take the chance and tell people more about you then you won't get the chance to have the relationships that you want. With practice it will become easier and you will be less focused on these fears and able to be more present with other people.

It is a trick of anxiety that is making you worry so much.

One tip that helped me with social anxiety in the past is to move my focus away from myself and onto the other person/people i was talking to. To focus on taking an interest in them, learning about them etc
 
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SocialGuy

New member
Joined
May 4, 2019
Messages
3
Location
United States
Which treatment are you talking about antidepressants, benzodiazepines, talking therapy or courses for anxiety? Personally, my experience is with all these and none have been 100% effective into the future by a long way, so, any tips would be nice?
People with social anxiety tend to have incredibly low confidence. There is also a lot of negative inner dialogue going on within the mind. Making an effort to improve your confidence in whatever way you can will be very helpful.

Pay more attention to your negative inner dialogue, and understand that the way you are thinking is irrational. Try to push out the negative inner dialogue, don't dwell on it.

Look at your qualities instead of your weaknesses, and challenge yourself to go out of your comfort zone socially. Join a club, talk to a cute girl at the bar, start a conversation. Unfortunately, the only way you can get rid of social anxiety is by putting yourself in social situations.

Social anxiety is usually developed at a very young age, so many people with social anxiety have poor social skills. The only way to improve your social skills is by talking to people. Understand that the process of improving your confidence, being mindful of your irrational inner dialogue, and improving your social skills may take years of practice and experimentation. Take baby steps, and don't beat yourself up when you make a mistake. Eventually the anxiety will begin to recede as you slowly become more comfortable with people.

A few ways to initially push yourself out of your comfort zone -
* Asking for the time
* Saying hello when you walk by someone
* Say hello to the cashier
* Read a book/study/work in a library or bookstore (A quiet public place)
* Eating in a restaurant
* Asking employee for directions/help
*Starting a conversation
 
S

SocialGuy

New member
Joined
May 4, 2019
Messages
3
Location
United States
I apologize if I am being a bit blunt, I don't like feeding people BS.
 
embleton

embleton

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 13, 2018
Messages
293
Location
Plymouth
I apologize if I am being a bit blunt, I don't like feeding people BS.
I think your suggestions are indeed good for the OP. I've done several courses to overcome my severe anxiety which is more agoraphobic than anything else but will keep in mind your suggestions; they are a little simplistic but good points to explore.
 
S

sport541

Member
Joined
May 1, 2019
Messages
15
Location
Canada
thank you for your help...i will start seeing a therapist again this wednesday

i just want to be able to be myself without the fear of being judged negatively
 
hicks

hicks

Well-known member
Joined
May 14, 2019
Messages
861
Location
In a galaxy, far far away..
People with social anxiety tend to have incredibly low confidence. There is also a lot of negative inner dialogue going on within the mind. Making an effort to improve your confidence in whatever way you can will be very helpful.

Pay more attention to your negative inner dialogue, and understand that the way you are thinking is irrational. Try to push out the negative inner dialogue, don't dwell on it.

Look at your qualities instead of your weaknesses, and challenge yourself to go out of your comfort zone socially. Join a club, talk to a cute girl at the bar, start a conversation. Unfortunately, the only way you can get rid of social anxiety is by putting yourself in social situations.

Social anxiety is usually developed at a very young age, so many people with social anxiety have poor social skills. The only way to improve your social skills is by talking to people. Understand that the process of improving your confidence, being mindful of your irrational inner dialogue, and improving your social skills may take years of practice and experimentation. Take baby steps, and don't beat yourself up when you make a mistake. Eventually the anxiety will begin to recede as you slowly become more comfortable with people.

A few ways to initially push yourself out of your comfort zone -
* Asking for the time
* Saying hello when you walk by someone
* Say hello to the cashier
* Read a book/study/work in a library or bookstore (A quiet public place)
* Eating in a restaurant
* Asking employee for directions/help
*Starting a conversation
I agree 100% with what has been said here. I've spent virtually all my life being socially anxious, self-conscious and isolated.
It's not that I'm not friendly. Far from it, I like talking to people. It's just that I never seemed to develop the casual social skills that most people take for granted. I observe t the way people exchange idle banter, and I can't do that. Not very easily anyway.
And I also don't like talking about myself. It's like I'm afraid that other person is going to find what I'm saying intensely boring.

Having said all that, I now believe that social skill can be learned and improved. Starting with simple things like saying 'hello', and using people's names in greetings. Sounds basic doesn't it? But someone with social anxiety has to mechanically learn the basic standard human interaction patterns, and force themselves to apply them.
It's taken me 40 years to realise this, and start to improve on a social level. I do feel I'm making progress though.
 
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