Extreme anxiety of talking about myself - need urgent help

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sport541

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I am 27 and i am extremely sensitive to peoples opinions of myself and my family. If i know someone would think negatively of me by me sharing a fact about myselfni would not share it or i would lie about. Just so i could fit in. Over the years i have not shared a lot about myself with some people and its making me really anxious and guilty. Now i want to start talking about myself but i am scared to death people will be mad at me.
Below are aome examples of things i did not mention with some people i have known for years -i have a sister who was living in USA -I have an oldest brother also living in usa who is a PHD -That i was part of a fraternity in unoversity -that my parents own a business -that i have been to europe and asia -that i used to play tennis tournaments -that i used to be a camp counsellor
Now i am scared to death that if people find se thinga about me they will be mad, upset or surprised qt me for me not telling it before. I am really anxious of standing out and of people judging me as rich
I was kind of bullied qute a bit growing up. People would mock me when i spoke and would say "i didnt know you could talk". People would make fun of my accent also. I am from south america but moved to canada when i was 11. I have always been really shy for as long i could remember. I was also voted most akward counselor by the other staff at the summer camp i worked at. One day there was visitors day and one of the other counselors told me his mom thought i had some mental problems. All these things really lowered my self esteem. At work one time i was called sketchy and secretive and one girl always points out how red i get.
Now i dont have any self esteem and really scared and nervous about everything. I want to be myself biut i am scared to death people will be mad at me for me never having shared i had a sister or that i have been to asia last year.
Really need some good advice. I tried taking improv lessons and while things got better a little when i was doing the lessons, things went back to normal soon after. I tried a therapist but didnt work out as i was too ashamed of telling him all this. I am starting a new therapist nezt week which i will give a try.
Really need some advice i am going crazy
 
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linus

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Social anxiety is common in migrants. To get some real help you should get involved in a therapy, with a psychologist. Get a grip and drop any “shields” when you do talk therapy.
 
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linus

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Btw, I don’t see anything shameful in what you are saying. I imagined at first that you did some weird stuff that you are ashamed of..
 
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sport541

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I am ashamed that i never told these things to people i have known for ywars

Now i am scared they will be mad if i telp them
 
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linus

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They won’t be mad, this is just you imagining the worst: definition of anxiety. You could cut down your misery faster if you actually talk to them..
 
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SocialGuy

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Hello my friend. It's good that you made a post talking about your feelings, I know that can be scary. It's okay that you're shy and awkward, everyone is a little different in their own way.

Some advice I can offer you is to talk to a psychologist. Social anxiety is a treatable illness so you don't have to live like this forever.
 
embleton

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Hello my friend. It's good that you made a post talking about your feelings, I know that can be scary. It's okay that you're shy and awkward, everyone is a little different in their own way.

Some advice I can offer you is to talk to a psychologist. Social anxiety is a treatable illness so you don't have to live like this forever.

Which treatment are you talking about antidepressants, benzodiazepines, talking therapy or courses for anxiety? Personally, my experience is with all these and none have been 100% effective into the future by a long way, so, any tips would be nice?
 
embleton

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Any other help?
Medication is another choice; venlafaxine (antidepressant) I've heard useful for severe anxiety from friends. Diazepam is useful but only effective for short periods and it's addictive.
 
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sport541

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Tried therapy but i am trying therapy again starting next week

Do u think people will be mad at me?

I am not interested in medication
 
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sport541

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One time i told a guy from university i had siblings and he got mad for me not telling him before

He was like " i told you about my siblings "
 
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sport541

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He looked a little upset....anyhow theres another guy i used to be kind of friends from 2011 to 2014 but havent seen him since although we still talk sometimes on facebook....i dont really want to be friends with him again as he alwaya has a negative energy...anyhow even him i want to sometimes share things about myself such as the fact that i have a niece now or that i went to asia last year or that my sister lives here now but i am terrified of him asking me " i didnt know you had a brother in usa", " you never said you had a sister" or "why didnt you tell me you went to "asia"

I cant sleep at night because of this
 
claude

claude

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Sorry this is causing you so much worry.

I don't think you've done anything wrong and i don't think that many people would be mad at you, maybe a little confused but that's ok.

Why not just be honest if they ask you why you didn't't mention something before? Why not just say, you've always been shy but you're trying to be more open now.

There is nothing wrong with that and nothing for you to be ashamed of
 
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sport541

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Thats the thing....that feeling of them being confused or suprised or mad at me, that i really dont want

I just want to be a normal guy...i dont know what to do anymore....as i said i cant fall asleep at night because of this...i am scared people would say i an weird because of all this
 
claude

claude

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well to be honest, the thing that you fear is a part of being a "normal guy" and chatting about things in your life, people will have responses to what you say. That is true for EVERYONE, people will make judgements about us and think whatever they want to think. However most of the time other people do not judge as as badly as the way we are worried that they will. Mostly they don't care that much, they have their own things going on, we are not the centre of their world.

At the end of the day, if you don't take the chance and tell people more about you then you won't get the chance to have the relationships that you want. With practice it will become easier and you will be less focused on these fears and able to be more present with other people.

It is a trick of anxiety that is making you worry so much.

One tip that helped me with social anxiety in the past is to move my focus away from myself and onto the other person/people i was talking to. To focus on taking an interest in them, learning about them etc
 
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SocialGuy

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Which treatment are you talking about antidepressants, benzodiazepines, talking therapy or courses for anxiety? Personally, my experience is with all these and none have been 100% effective into the future by a long way, so, any tips would be nice?
People with social anxiety tend to have incredibly low confidence. There is also a lot of negative inner dialogue going on within the mind. Making an effort to improve your confidence in whatever way you can will be very helpful.

Pay more attention to your negative inner dialogue, and understand that the way you are thinking is irrational. Try to push out the negative inner dialogue, don't dwell on it.

Look at your qualities instead of your weaknesses, and challenge yourself to go out of your comfort zone socially. Join a club, talk to a cute girl at the bar, start a conversation. Unfortunately, the only way you can get rid of social anxiety is by putting yourself in social situations.

Social anxiety is usually developed at a very young age, so many people with social anxiety have poor social skills. The only way to improve your social skills is by talking to people. Understand that the process of improving your confidence, being mindful of your irrational inner dialogue, and improving your social skills may take years of practice and experimentation. Take baby steps, and don't beat yourself up when you make a mistake. Eventually the anxiety will begin to recede as you slowly become more comfortable with people.

A few ways to initially push yourself out of your comfort zone -
* Asking for the time
* Saying hello when you walk by someone
* Say hello to the cashier
* Read a book/study/work in a library or bookstore (A quiet public place)
* Eating in a restaurant
* Asking employee for directions/help
*Starting a conversation
 
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SocialGuy

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I apologize if I am being a bit blunt, I don't like feeding people BS.
 
embleton

embleton

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I apologize if I am being a bit blunt, I don't like feeding people BS.
I think your suggestions are indeed good for the OP. I've done several courses to overcome my severe anxiety which is more agoraphobic than anything else but will keep in mind your suggestions; they are a little simplistic but good points to explore.
 

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