Explosive Anger

SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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#1
Anyone else here with PTSD that has explosive anger that makes you feel like shit about yourself afterwards?

What helps you calm it?
 
H

Hail

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#2
I do feel like that. I have cptsd.

Have you tried taking to someone who understands what you experience, like a psychologist who specialises in trauma? I think this myght help.
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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#3
I have had years of therapy and have recently been in contact with my therapist to resume sessions again.Im looking for ways to help myself control this anger in the meantime.

One thing I recently noticed is when I react in anger it calms the other symptoms I'm having like anxiety and fear.But it seems to be an instant reaction and at times feeling beyond my control.I think anger is easier to feel rather than anxiety and fear.And maybe feeling angry makes me feel more powerful while fear makes me feel weak(?).
 
G

Girl interupted

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#4
Yup. And it’s perplexing and embarrassing when it happens.

I have been deemed cured from my ptsd, but it still happens occasionally. Most often when I’ve bottled it up and not dealt with it appropriately.

But ptsd anger is different. It’s tied to a flight or fight response. Can you identify what is triggering it? In the short term, avoiding that trigger will help make it manageable, until you can get back into therapy. Otherwise when you feel it rising, get out of the house or office and go for a walk around the block.

And then do something kind for yourself to de-escalate. Something that comforts and makes you feel safe.
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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#7
Yup. And it’s perplexing and embarrassing when it happens.

I have been deemed cured from my ptsd, but it still happens occasionally. Most often when I’ve bottled it up and not dealt with it appropriately.

But ptsd anger is different. It’s tied to a flight or fight response. Can you identify what is triggering it? In the short term, avoiding that trigger will help make it manageable, until you can get back into therapy. Otherwise when you feel it rising, get out of the house or office and go for a walk around the block.

And then do something kind for yourself to de-escalate. Something that comforts and makes you feel safe.
Yes,PTSD anger is different,isn't it?I know what most of my triggers are but unfortunately there's no way to avoid them.I know ny anger is in reaction to those triggers and I even know that allowing myself to have that anger is easier than feeling anxiety and fear yet I am still unable to control it at times.

I had my PTSD well under control for awhile but then so many things happened in the past couple/few years along with some new traumas have taken me back to square one it seems.It's like the anger is becoming more of a reflex out of habit,like I have conditioned myself to respond that way to certain people and situations.

My thing has always been to journal my feelings to release them but now it seems when I write them out it just makes them more intense which in return causes even more anger.

I feel I've lost all my coping skills.Or maybe I've just been so worn down that they at times feel ineffective.Maybe it's time to try different things since the old skills have lost their magic.Even my medical marijuana has lost it's effectiveness.

I'm not experiencing symptoms right now,I'm just trying to prepare for the next trigger to come along. I hate reacting in anger because it's the stereotypical image of PTSD.Many people think that's the main problem/symptom of it,even in the media they blame violence,mass shootings,etc on it.It never used to be a problem like it is now so I will be glad once regular sessions begin again.

Lol,I usually don't share this much or write this much but damn I hate this.
 
G

Girl interupted

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#9
Yes,PTSD anger is different,isn't it?I know what most of my triggers are but unfortunately there's no way to avoid them.I know ny anger is in reaction to those triggers and I even know that allowing myself to have that anger is easier than feeling anxiety and fear yet I am still unable to control it at times.

I had my PTSD well under control for awhile but then so many things happened in the past couple/few years along with some new traumas have taken me back to square one it seems.It's like the anger is becoming more of a reflex out of habit,like I have conditioned myself to respond that way to certain people and situations.

My thing has always been to journal my feelings to release them but now it seems when I write them out it just makes them more intense which in return causes even more anger.

I feel I've lost all my coping skills.Or maybe I've just been so worn down that they at times feel ineffective.Maybe it's time to try different things since the old skills have lost their magic.Even my medical marijuana has lost it's effectiveness.

I'm not experiencing symptoms right now,I'm just trying to prepare for the next trigger to come along. I hate reacting in anger because it's the stereotypical image of PTSD.Many people think that's the main problem/symptom of it,even in the media they blame violence,mass shootings,etc on it.It never used to be a problem like it is now so I will be glad once regular sessions begin again.

Lol,I usually don't share this much or write this much but damn I hate this.

I’m glad you did write it all out.

And maybe, for the short term, it’s ok to let the anger out. Just as long as it doesn’t become your norm, because I find anger feeds anger and then you get into this vicious cycle.

It’s perfectly normal to have a setback with ptsd. It took me ten years to let go of mine. And I know the frustration attached to thinking you’ve finally made it over the hill, only to roll back again.

What you need to realize is that you went undiagnosed for many years. So you developed coping skills, without the assistance of a professional. Those things can be sometimes hard to unlearn, particularly if they served you well.

Don’t get discouraged. There is a way out, and you’ve done it before. If you already know your triggers then for the next little bit do everything you can to avoid them. Even if it means cutting people out of your life for a bit until you steady yourself.

Practice your meditation. Lean on that. Exercise if that helps to exhaust you.

Most of all, celebrate how far you have come. This period of time does not define you, and you are genuinely a good person. You’ve reached out and helped me many times. Xo
 
SunnyDaze

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#10
I have worked through so many maladaptive coping strategies through therapy,it seems exhausting to have to continually be working on things.

My PTSD is from childhood so I've had many years of practice and really,I have made much progress. I recovered from DID and no longer even have that diagnosis,my therapist said I no longer meet the criteria and I am "as normal as the next person" .Lol. (I sure don't feel normal.)But the PTSD,it's just so all consuming at times.

I do believe that once I work through the trauma I went through 2 years ago,actually talk about it out loud with my therapist and process it I might get back on track again.I don't want to think about it so I try not to yet I do anyway.And when something triggers me,I know it goes back to that and not my childhood.I still get triggered about the childhood crap at times but this new trauma is still raw and fresh and different from that.

I thought I could deal with it on my own,I just assumed PTSD is PTSD and I could just do what I've been doing to cope since trauma therapy.That's not working though and I realize this newer trauma has to be addressed instead of left festering.
 
G

Girl interupted

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#11
I can only send you a massive hug. I'm so sorry that this is hitting you now.

It's only temporary. Xox
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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#12
It is what it is.It's my own fault for not seeking help when the new traumas first happened.But thank you.
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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#14
I've been really thinking about this since I woke up and I realize the anger isn't as instantaneous as I assumed.It just seens/feels that way.

When I see a specific color and type of car I feel a tightness and sickness in my stomach,then in starts spreading through my body like an explosion and I feel weak in the knees,like I will faint.Then I start shaking,visibly shaking.My entire body is trembling and I can't deal with all the feelings.The feelings and shaking are so intense,so much anxiety and panic it feels like I'm not gonna make it.

The anger makes me feel in control.It makes me feel powerful instead of vulnerable.It takes a lot of effort to raise my voice and shout,I have a soft,low voice normally.When I focus on being pissed off it stops the panic and it's a release for all those feelings,directed at those around me.

It doesn't happen every time I see the specific car,sometimes I'm perfectly fine and it doesn't trigger me.And there's other times I don't have to see one,just one single word in relation to what happened can set me off.Sometimes thinking about it or trying to not think about it rings the alarm bells in my head and body.

So... It's those initial feelings,the anxiety and panic that I need to deal with as soon as they begin.Like instantly I need to do something to prevent the anger.

Now I need to figure out what that should be.Something I can do wherever I am and whoever I'm with.

Suggestions?
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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#15
...and I now realize the anger is just a temporary fix.I calm down and all those feelings come back.And I get angry again over and over to cope.Im frantic to keep those feelings away and blow up over the most trivial things.

If the feelings won't go away and Im not angry I feel suicidal.I don't really want to die,I just don't want to feel anymore.And I plan my death and focus on that for relief and release.

And it all eventually passes and I'm ok and have to repair all the damage and chaos I've created.

It HAS to change.
 
G

Girl interupted

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#16
I wish I had specific advice or tools to give you when these things happen, but only you know what works for you.

And I understand that your anger response to fight or flight is fight. That is good news in a way, it means you feel strong enough to fight and not hide.

The problem with anger is that it often takes very little to keep it going and going and going. So that soon, that’s the only emotion you feel. Because it feels empowering when prior we have felt so vulnerable.

But then it begins to erode our sense of self, our sense of self worth. And it leads to feelings of suicidal ideation because anger is exhausting after a period of time.

There are classic ways of dealing with it. A lot of people take up running, because it provides peace and solitude while draining energy.

Others try mindful meditation. But you have to do that every day, even on the good days, for it to support you when you really need it.

Have you tried dbt? It helps folks like me with bpd, but it was originally developed to help ptsd.

One simple dbt “trick” is grounding. When you feel the emotional surge, you force your brain to name every street you’ve lived on since childhood. Or you look at physical objects in front of you and name them aloud.

If you know your triggers, that’s half the battle. It sucks that they can be unpredictable, but I think going back for therapy will help you work on you.

Ptsd isn’t a lifelong illness. There is a way out.
 
SunnyDaze

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#17
It's my understanding from much research that PTSD cannot be cured,only managed.But,the same thing has been said about DID too.Who knows,maybe some day I will completely recover from PTSD like I have DID.Anything is possible.

And yes I have tried DBT..I have been through many different types of therapy/treatment trying to tailor them to different symptoms and issues. I wish there was a one size fits all approach,something that was guaranteed to work and help.

I will get where I need and want to be.I usually do.
 
G

Girl interupted

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#18
I dont know who told you it's not curable. It is. I am 7 years post-cure and have not had a single flashback or triggers that used to send me over the edge, no longer do.

You will get there, too.
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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#19
I dont know who told you it's not curable. It is. I am 7 years post-cure and have not had a single flashback or triggers that used to send me over the edge, no longer do.

You will get there, too.
No one told me that, it's in all the literature I have read so far.It does say it can be managed though.It says it's because of the physical changes that take place in the brain.

I haven't had flashbacks for years now but I do still get triggered and experience symptoms.Im grateful for no more flashbacks and hope that I too become symptom free some day