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Experience and a few Questions

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GeeJay

Guest
Hello, I just seeking a few answers for a few questions. I've been hearing voices for the past 6+ months but they seem different to most of the other experiences I've read online at other forums.

My diagnosis is sever drug induced psychosis along with the diagnosis of depression that I've had for the last 5 year... although I personally think I'm an avoident borderline mixed personality(I know its a dangerous thing to do to self diagnose but that description fits me perfectly even if it is an unofficial personality disorder). I don't get how it could be drug induced when i hadn't smoked any week three weeks prior to the incident.

It all kicked of when I was staying round my mums due to the hearing a drug dealer out side my house threatening to kill me... it was a constant conversation... anyway I was at my mums and i heard them there too plus others... I heard drilling and knocking on the walls and then someone shouting for me to get out of the area... and I heard the dealer knocking on the wall shouting death threats(my mother was out of the room both times), I knew they had guns. It ended up with me walking for four hours trying to find somewhere to hang myself as i believed they where going to kill my family... I heard them say that they where going to blow us up one day.

I ended up getting hospitalized for three days... in my view know where near long enough but i live in supported accommodation(the staff are there 9-5) and they try to keep you out of hospital, I guess its bad for business and that the mental health services in the UK are underfunded... its incredibly hard to get hospitalized with out the police having to get involved.

Even though I'm in supported accommodation i find it hard to express to them how I'm feeling and avoid talking about the voices and self-injury all together.

I'm left now with two main voices both have told me there names indirectly, both female(my doc was surprised that they where female as I'm a guy for some reason) and lots of random voices, mainly of drug dealers and other psychotics. but I have heard the thoughts of family and friends. I can talk to most of the voices... the female voices say there trying to help but they do occasionally threaten me but thats no where near as frightening as when i have a male voice saying that they will kill me.

Is it usual to know the names of voices even though you have never met them before?

I still hold the belief that I'm psychic just lacking the control most psychics have, although I'm a believer of shamanism... so could it be that the voices are playing on that belief?

I have come off my Olanzapine(I'm on the highest dose of 20mg) three times now, two failed attempts due to the withdrawals and one successful attempt where the voices where not as constant as when I'm taking the Olanzapine.

Also I'm in two minds whether or not I wish to stop hearing the voices, after all you wouldn't cut of a limb just because its ugly!

Forgot to mention i hear the voices more when theres a noise for the voice to fed of, be it my favorite hobby listening to music, the buzz of engines or electrics... I also miss hear a lot of conversations including the background noise's on TV. It can be quite hard to concentrate.

I've only ever had visuals whilst stoned, but I've always had closed eye visuals but lately there full blown open eye visuals... so I'm trying to stay away from pot now... I'm not looking forward to the weed need when it kicks in(usually a week or two after I've had my last smoke).

Oh I also got beaten up two nights ago and i think i may be close to the edge again... I was hearing the voice of on of the guys that where kicking my head in.

Anyway I'm going to ask for a medication review at my next key work meeting and i may give them a copy of this post... but i doubt it will do any good... they don't even know about the times i went looking for one of the guys voices, walking around the estates with a kitchen knife in my bag... that was a while ago know...
 
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RainbowElf

Guest
Hi :)

I agree that the mental health service is under funded in the UK, but we are never taken serious enough to get that changed.
Police do not always have to get involved to get put in hospital, I know as I have gone in without the police been involved in anyway.

It seems scary what you have been going through. This I can relate to as I only hear bad voices, I have hallucinations (visual) which I can feel, they try to kill me, so my voices join in with this.
It's scary but you can usually work out what is the voice and what is reality. It just takes some time.

It is good that you have names for the voices as this is always a good step to start off with.

If medication is not working for you then they are other options but they do not always work. I have not yet found a successful way of halting mine. Remember that you are in charge of your care though, try not to let the doctors control you too much.

I have found meditation helpful in the past before I ended up with all 10/11 voices.

Message me if you want to talk.

Elf :)
 
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GeeJay

Guest
Cheers for your reply, its most welcomed... The voices are now denying there name saying that its not importent for me to know, and I do think they(The main two female voices) are trying to help yet they lack the skills of a trained psychologist, its a shame about the male voices threats but there not as strong now I havent smoked any gear in the last week.

I still fear that other people hear my thourts, which can be quite dark at times.
 
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RainbowElf

Guest
Cheers for your reply, its most welcomed... The voices are now denying there name saying that its not importent for me to know, and I do think they(The main two female voices) are trying to help yet they lack the skills of a trained psychologist, its a shame about the male voices threats but there not as strong now I havent smoked any gear in the last week.

I still fear that other people hear my thourts, which can be quite dark at times.
Hi :)

It is really good that you have not touched the drugs for a week now. Congratulations. :)
Voices will sometimes deny any information you have on them to gain the control. That is my experience on that particular thing anyway. Might not be true in your case.
Hopefully when the gear is out of your system fully the voices will go altogether. Fingers crossed.

I am sure it is hard to be around people when you think they have/are reading your thoughts.

I used to have the same thing and I just had to keep telling myself that it is not possible.

Any way Good Luck in solving all of this.

Elf...
 
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