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Existential OCD

A

Aqua

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Joined
Aug 23, 2021
Messages
5
Location
Italy
Hi there
I'm new and I'm scared because I keep asking the same questions in my head and they're like philosophical type
And then I feel like I'm not real
Have someone experienced this?
 
A

Archipelago

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Jul 30, 2021
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USA
When one repeats a word over and over again, the word will eventually sound foreign and lack meaning.

I think OCD is very similar, but applied in an existential way. I've had experiences where I'd become aware of my own awareness, and I'd get "stuck" there in a repeating loop, and this would lead me to perceive my own body and mind as foreign to myself, which would trigger awful panic attacks.

Not sure if that's anything similar to what you're experiencing.
 
B

BlueWater

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Jul 29, 2021
Messages
382
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USA
When one repeats a word over and over again, the word will eventually sound foreign and lack meaning.

I think OCD is very similar, but applied in an existential way. I've had experiences where I'd become aware of my own awareness, and I'd get "stuck" there in a repeating loop, and this would lead me to perceive my own body and mind as foreign to myself, which would trigger awful panic attacks.

Not sure if that's anything similar to what you're experiencing.
"When one repeats a word over and over again, the word will eventually sound foreign and lack meaning." So true!!!
 
Keesha

Keesha

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Apr 19, 2019
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It took me years to understand I was OCD. To me, OCD was about checking the door multiple times before leaving , washing hands excessively or not stepping on a crack on the sidewalk. It took me most of my life to understand that it was a pattern of thinking. Getting stuck on repetitive thoughts. It can be difficult to deal with. It’s comforting reading posts from others who explain how their mind works differently. It helps me understand it better so thanks. 👍
 
B

BlueWater

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Jul 29, 2021
Messages
382
Location
USA
It took me years to understand I was OCD. To me, OCD was about checking the door multiple times before leaving , washing hands excessively or not stepping on a crack on the sidewalk. It took me most of my life to understand that it was a pattern of thinking. Getting stuck on repetitive thoughts. It can be difficult to deal with. It’s comforting reading posts from others who explain how their mind works differently. It helps me understand it better so thanks. 👍
Reading others' posts is helping me understand my own OCD better, too. I'm seeing such variety in people's thoughts and anxieties, thoughts about things that have never occurred to me. I get the impression my therapist thinks I may have been born with OCD. I think I had OCD thought patterns as a kid, but the compulsions didn't become obvious until my 40s when a traumatic health event occurred.

OCD is like a monster that is alive and well in my mind so long as I let him live there to torment me, but when I test his ridiculous attempts to scare me and he seems smaller and less intimidating. Today, I thought about another person's post on here about her bedroom door. While I was in the kitchen today, I'd just lay a spoon or fork down on the counter while fixing my meals and think "It's ok. No salmonella. No obvious dirt. I've already wiped these counters today. Not filthy." And I felt like I won a prize just by laying my silverware on what was a clean-enough counter. Can I do that every time? No. But to test the monster and win feels good. 😄
 
A

Aqua

Member
Joined
Aug 23, 2021
Messages
5
Location
Italy
When one repeats a word over and over again, the word will eventually sound foreign and lack meaning.

I think OCD is very similar, but applied in an existential way. I've had experiences where I'd become aware of my own awareness, and I'd get "stuck" there in a repeating loop, and this would lead me to perceive my own body and mind as foreign to myself, which would trigger awful panic attacks.

Not sure if that's anything similar to what you're experiencing.
How did you deal with it?
 
A

Aqua

Member
Joined
Aug 23, 2021
Messages
5
Location
Italy
Reading others' posts is helping me understand my own OCD better, too. I'm seeing such variety in people's thoughts and anxieties, thoughts about things that have never occurred to me. I get the impression my therapist thinks I may have been born with OCD. I think I had OCD thought patterns as a kid, but the compulsions didn't become obvious until my 40s when a traumatic health event occurred.

OCD is like a monster that is alive and well in my mind so long as I let him live there to torment me, but when I test his ridiculous attempts to scare me and he seems smaller and less intimidating. Today, I thought about another person's post on here about her bedroom door. While I was in the kitchen today, I'd just lay a spoon or fork down on the counter while fixing my meals and think "It's ok. No salmonella. No obvious dirt. I've already wiped these counters today. Not filthy." And I felt like I won a prize just by laying my silverware on what was a clean-enough counter. Can I do that every time? No. But to test the monster and win feels good. 😄
Yea is very tiring and sometimes i think if its dangerous
 
A

Aqua

Member
Joined
Aug 23, 2021
Messages
5
Location
Italy
It took me years to understand I was OCD. To me, OCD was about checking the door multiple times before leaving , washing hands excessively or not stepping on a crack on the sidewalk. It took me most of my life to understand that it was a pattern of thinking. Getting stuck on repetitive thoughts. It can be difficult to deal with. It’s comforting reading posts from others who explain how their mind works differently. It helps me understand it better so thanks. 👍
Did you repeat one word in your mind?
 
Q

quilteddown10

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 26, 2021
Messages
320
Location
UK
Hi there
I'm new and I'm scared because I keep asking the same questions in my head and they're like philosophical type
And then I feel like I'm not real
Have someone experienced this?
Hi there, yeah used to get this feeling of unreality a lot when I was a young man. Very common.

You are an individual brain constructing a world from sensory input. It can feel very unreal at times precisely because when you flip things on their head like this, nothing changes. It COULD all be unreal and, yet, you (and perhaps, only you) still exist. Scary thought.

Or, it could simply be a bug in the mind's software that we are all susceptible to now and again.

It does wear off as you get older. Or you get more used to it. I'm not sure which.
 
Q

quilteddown10

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 26, 2021
Messages
320
Location
UK
When one repeats a word over and over again, the word will eventually sound foreign and lack meaning.

I think OCD is very similar, but applied in an existential way. I've had experiences where I'd become aware of my own awareness, and I'd get "stuck" there in a repeating loop, and this would lead me to perceive my own body and mind as foreign to myself, which would trigger awful panic attacks.

Not sure if that's anything similar to what you're experiencing.
That's a great description. Used to happen to me too.

That sudden terror when you, as you say, perceive your body and mind as foreign to itself.

As I've got older I've found myself wondering if it's really no more than a 'bug in the system' rather than an intellectual thing.
 
Keesha

Keesha

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Joined
Apr 19, 2019
Messages
2,778
Location
N/A
Did you repeat one word in your mind?
No! Maybe a swear words occasionally. 😬

@BlueWater
OCD ‘is’ like a monster. It’s a joy stealer.
My ocd is about finding what’s wrong in any given situation. Ever since being a baby/ small child, I’ve learned to be hyper vigilant about protecting myself which consisted of being extra aware of what others are doing that appears off.
Unfortunately I became obsessed with it and it then became a habit as part of my personality.

It wasn’t really bad until I started caring for my toxic parents. My father has OCD really bad and my OCD seemed to morph from there.
 
Keesha

Keesha

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2019
Messages
2,778
Location
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I think OCD is very similar, but applied in an existential way. I've had experiences where I'd become aware of my own awareness, and I'd get "stuck" there in a repeating loop, and this would lead me to perceive my own body and mind as foreign to myself, which would trigger awful panic attacks.
THIS happens to me a lot. Becoming aware of your own awareness and getting stuck there so there’s a continual loop playing the same thing over and over again is pure torture.
 
S

Shadow231

Member
Joined
Apr 7, 2021
Messages
9
Location
England
I have the same often I think about it I think that you should take care of as many other things as possible so as not to think about the same thing over and over again I have ocd just because I am unlucky
 
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