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Existential OCD

T

Turquoise95

Member
Joined
Feb 6, 2021
Messages
7
Location
California
Okay so I've posted a couple other threads on my ordeal the past few weeks. I had an awful withdrawal experience with expired Lexapro and it spiraled and turned into derealization, severe anxiety, ruminations, and depression. I have gotten back on my medication with Lexapro that is not expired or spoiled. My severe anxiety and depression have gotten better, and my ruminations over past decisions and memories have almost totally stopped.

But I've noticed a couple new symptoms popping up after I began my medication, in particular I'm displaying symptoms that seem to correlate with OCD, both existential and harm OCD. However, they vary day to day. Today I felt almost no harm OCD thoughts, whereas a couple days ago I did. Today I experienced moderate existential thoughts about reality, existence, time, and consciousness. It was similar to my first episode of derealization, but without the distorted visual sensations. Everything around me feels real right now, but I can't stop pondering if my past memories are genuine and whether this reality is actually real. These feelings come and go in waves. I'm hesitant to bring it up to my doctor as even my ruminations switch focus day to day, and I don't experience harm OCD every day (it only seems to happen when I feel very anxious).

I've had harm OCD thoughts sporadically in the past and they usually pass without incident, but these existential thoughts are new and seem to stick around longer, and they don't pop up because I feel anxious, the thoughts usually pop into my head first. Is this my brain adjusting to the Lexapro medication? I have been on it about two weeks now and it takes at least four weeks to feel full benefits. Will this OCD go away, or is it popping up because of my medication? Any help or advice is appreciated.
 
N

njmisdesperate

Member
Joined
Jan 29, 2021
Messages
20
Location
United Kingdom
idk, from my own experience OCD never goes away. I'll just have to carry on with my life as suicide doesn't seem like an option :(
The best thing u can do is take medication regularly & distract yourself with hobbies/activities. Hope this helps.
 
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