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Existence freaks me out

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indigo6

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 30, 2019
Messages
1,368
Location
UK
Yes. What was your experience?
And I am very lucky that my boyfriend is so good to me. He is helpful with my mental health struggles, offers to help me pay for treatment, turns it all into a "we" situation instead of just me. If I am going to love anyone or accept love from anyone, it's definitely him!
But yes oh my gosh, cats are angels. It sounds as though your cat is no longer with you and I am so sorry to hear. (Correct me if I am wrong.) I am dreading the day I may have to deal with the loss of my cat. I consider him a creature of God (I am not religious at all, haha) I consider him a living angel, I would do anything for this little furry being. I feel sometimes that he is the only thing that can fill my void. He is everything to me.
Well Ive had crappy bfs but I also had abuse as a child and I wondered why I have such a detachment from romantic love. I never feel its important and I wondered where that comes from, the younger days or the bf troubles. I pick the same rotters, I play up, it falls apart, end of game. I never regret them because it never felt important enough to miss. Love in other forms is far more wonderful, meaningful. Maybe I had to go through these things to know this. I dont know.
Cats, angels with wings. I too think they are almost divine in being. A piece of God I call them. I do love nature and animals very much in general though. Sadly yes my beautiful boy passed away 18 months ago and not a day I dont miss him or think of him. I am sorry you will go through this but I do believe its not the end. What would be the point of the bond otherwise.
Thank you for sharing, Snowleaopard and .... happens to be one of my favourite animals(is my screensaver right now lol )
 
snowleopard

snowleopard

Member
Joined
Jan 2, 2020
Messages
14
Location
USA - New England
Well Ive had crappy bfs but I also had abuse as a child and I wondered why I have such a detachment from romantic love. I never feel its important and I wondered where that comes from, the younger days or the bf troubles. I pick the same rotters, I play up, it falls apart, end of game. I never regret them because it never felt important enough to miss. Love in other forms is far more wonderful, meaningful. Maybe I had to go through these things to know this. I dont know.
Cats, angels with wings. I too think they are almost divine in being. A piece of God I call them. I do love nature and animals very much in general though. Sadly yes my beautiful boy passed away 18 months ago and not a day I dont miss him or think of him. I am sorry you will go through this but I do believe its not the end. What would be the point of the bond otherwise.
Thank you for sharing, Snowleaopard and .... happens to be one of my favourite animals(is my screensaver right now lol )
I have also dealt with abuse from my father, (again nothing sexual, just every other kind) and I seem to seek out men who are like him. Not this time now, but my ex was just like him. I would find them saying the same things at different times. I can understand what you mean.
And true, and I will know that he felt loved every day with me and that I did all I could to make him happy! But I am so sorry for your loss. But I am sure that your boy also knew that he was loved and appreciated!
Snow leopards are my favourite animal too 😍 Beautiful animals!
 
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indigo6

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Jan 30, 2019
Messages
1,368
Location
UK
Your bf sounds lovely and now at last you have what you need. Its lovely this has worked out like this for you.
Not for a long time yet Im sure, they can live til 30, 20 easily, lots of time to keep up the cuddles and loves. Yes mine knew he was loved (still is) we 'spoke' about it (Im guessing you and your cats read each others minds too)
Snowleopards make me cry when I watch them!
 
snowleopard

snowleopard

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Messages
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Location
USA - New England
He is going to be 5 this year so we still have a long way to go, definitely! I tell him all the time how much he means to me. And I think I have yet to see a snow leopard in person, not even at the zoo, but I marvel over them constantly through videos, documentaries, and pictures!
 
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indigo6

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Jan 30, 2019
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5 is a baby! years of love yet.
Oh well Ive never seen one in person lol. I mean on tv. There is a zoo about 70 miles away that has them and....for an extra amount of money you can have 'keeper' experience. 20 mins behind the scenes and a snack feeding. Thats on my wish list. I will of course cry, probably try to go in there with them :rofl2:
Totally off topic sorry Mods, better stop now.
 
snowleopard

snowleopard

Member
Joined
Jan 2, 2020
Messages
14
Location
USA - New England
5 is a baby! years of love yet.
Oh well Ive never seen one in person lol. I mean on tv. There is a zoo about 70 miles away that has them and....for an extra amount of money you can have 'keeper' experience. 20 mins behind the scenes and a snack feeding. Thats on my wish list. I will of course cry, probably try to go in there with them :rofl2:
Totally off topic sorry Mods, better stop now.
Hahaha Okay I am going to find that zoo, but yes we apologize for the long rambling about other stuff! It was very nice to talk to you and I am happy to find someone that I can identify with!

<3 Happy new year!
 
I

indigo6

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Joined
Jan 30, 2019
Messages
1,368
Location
UK
Hahaha Okay I am going to find that zoo, but yes we apologize for the long rambling about other stuff! It was very nice to talk to you and I am happy to find someone that I can identify with!

<3 Happy new year!
Nooo youre not rambling!! No way. I just know we might be alerted were off topic.
Lovely to speak to you!
 
TinyStar

TinyStar

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Nov 12, 2019
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105
Location
England
Feel like i can relate, although i cant actually seem to put into words. I do seem to feel detached and wonder what the point of existing is (not in a suicidal way tho) and question purpose at times. Almost feel as if i am some wierd charecter in a boring but dramatic story or as if i wasn't even meant to be here..? If that makes any sense..Probably not. But here we are i suppose..
 
W

whatsgoingon2020

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Joined
Jan 18, 2020
Messages
45
Location
UK
This is existential thinking. Ive been there and have a tendency to go down this rabbithole. Last time I was heading for the psych ward. Like a mad professor lol. It can drive people that way. I dont think were meant to ask too many questions.
My thinking is opposite as I believe in something and am spiritual. I see it as purposeful, meaningful and incredible. I was looking for whats behind the curtain, is this you?
When you say love what kind of love?
How are you linking it to this thinking?
These sound like similar thoughts I had previously. I thought about it conciously at the time, asking questions like who or how the world was created. WAs it god? then who created god? Was it big bang, then what was there before that and before that? nothing? What about before nothing? what is nothing?

...but now I get this kind of detached feelings where I don't understand existence and I think these may have been caused by the above questions being unanswered in my mind maybe.

How did you come out of this?
 
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