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Excessive fear of abandonment, help :(

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>.<

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I can't shake the feeling that people are going to leave me :( Its getting to the point where I dont let people be friends with me, because if theyre not my friends in the first place, they can't leave. If I think someones going to leave me, I push them away first so that they don't get the chance to. And I'm constantly asking my boyfriend for reassurance, for things he can't do, like "tell me that nothings going to ever go wrong" and stuff :( I cant deal with this, even when he says stuffs fine, I still think he'll leave along with everyone else. I'm becoming really clingy and moody :( I can't sort this with my therapists, they do nothing, they're really unhelpful.

Any tips? Really struggling :cry:
 
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Blackholesun

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I can't shake the feeling that people are going to leave me :( Its getting to the point where I dont let people be friends with me, because if theyre not my friends in the first place, they can't leave. If I think someones going to leave me, I push them away first so that they don't get the chance to. And I'm constantly asking my boyfriend for reassurance, for things he can't do, like "tell me that nothings going to ever go wrong" and stuff :( I cant deal with this, even when he says stuffs fine, I still think he'll leave along with everyone else. I'm becoming really clingy and moody :( I can't sort this with my therapists, they do nothing, they're really unhelpful.

Any tips? Really struggling :cry:
Find a bipolar buddy. I had two in the USA and I miss them so much :cry:

I'm clingy too. I drive people away. It's a shame because I'm very loyal loving and affectionate but I can understand why I seem so obsessive and posessive :cry:

I got married to a 'normal' person but tbh? it was destined to fail. She just didn't understand me. At all.

But yeah, you do need to find a bipolar buddy. Someone you can relate to who understands you. One of mine in the USA once said -

Dude, do you ever feel like you want to rip out of your skin? or when you're all the mall dive head first off of the balcony?

As stupid as it sounds? well, the dumb part was I nodded my head and went "uh huh" like it was nothing. I can only imagine what someone would think if you said that to them and they had no idea where you were coming from lol.

So yes, it helps to talk to people who understand you, rather than sympathetic 'nice' people who don't. Really, without sounding like an ungrateful asshole it is kinda annoying when someone nods and says they understand but you know full well they don't :D
 
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>.<

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Yeah I agree :) A lot of my friends aren't "normal" either, 5 of my friends have/had depression amongst other issues, and it's good to talk to them about stuff cos they understand a lot more than someone else thats never been touched by MH issues.

Omg about the skin thing, i thought that was just me!!! I've always said at times I feel trapped within me, like my own body supresses me somehow, and how amazing it would be to just be free from everything for a while. Good to know some other people who get what thats about :)

One of the worst things I've found is friends who are patronizing - when i told one of my friends about my bipolar, she goes "awww....whats that, is it like when you get sad a lot?" I was like NO ITS NOT!!!:scared: lol.
 
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Blackholesun

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The trapped feeling is all a part of the mania cycle. There are times where I feel like superman and feel utterly invincible.

That's why I have had a fractured skull, two broken vertibrae, teeth missing, cuts scars and can hardly walk.

Mind you, best part is I won't need to bother being a donor. When it's my time there won't be fuck all worth having :D
 
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>.<

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I get the invincibility feeling too. When you get like a swooping feeling inside that your the best person ever and you can do whatever you want, because nothing will hurt you and everything will work and you have more energy than your body can take and you just need to let it out by expressing it somehow, and everything insides going quick, idk how to explain the rest haha. I love that feeling, even though it can get me in trouble lol. The one manic episode I had was an amazing feeling, and even though I know I did things I'm not happy with now, still was one of the best times of my life lol.
 
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Blackholesun

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Oh hell yeah. The heightened emotions that state brings are unparalleled tbh.

I mean get this. My wife walked out on me and I was about to become homeless. I couldn't afford the rent alone. What did I do? well, most normal people would have gone home back to the UK.

Me? I loaded up my super fast sports car, phoned a friend in Ohio whom I had never met face to face and set off on a 850 mile drive not knowing who or what was at the other end. And hey, it worked out OK. I stayed in Ohio working for almost a year before I had a car accident but yeah, I'm still here.

Thing is, had I not done that I would always have asked myself what if. And I don't like what if, it fucking sucks ass :D

Yup I've done some dumb shit alright, but god damn I've got the stories to match the scars and wounds :D
 
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>.<

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OMG I DID SOMETHING SIMILAR! My parents shouted at me and basically pissed me off a lot, and I was manic at the time so I just laughed at them which annoyed them more. They walked out the house, so instead of calming down, I called up this person who was a friend of a friend of a friend who I'd never met either, and he told me to go up and see him and some other people. So I got some money together (dont ask how :/ ), packed my bags and went to meet him lol, he lives about 400 miles from my house and no one knew what I was doing or where I went.

As it happened, I missed my train so I couldn't go. But it was such a bad idea, I was 14 at the time haha. But hey, the impulsiveness is me and I wouldn't change it, it's what makes life interesting :D
 
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