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Ex Friendship

thebubbles22

thebubbles22

Active member
Joined
Jul 5, 2009
Messages
34
Location
Dorset, UK
Hi Everyone,

I used to have a friend, let's call her Audrey, and I was friends with her since I was about 5 years old, until I was about 20. Long time..

Anyway, I didn't realise until I was ending my teenage years just how bad she treated me. It was never any physical fighting, just emotional bullying I guess.. She was controlling, demanding, and one minute she'd be completely possessive, the next she didn't want anything to do with me.

It made me feel like I was never good enough, she was always the better one, and when she used to ditch me for other friends, I felt like a lost sheep.

Anyway, she stopped talking to me about three years ago for the most stupidest reason... I couldn't go to her body shop party at her new flat because i'd already made arrangements to babysit for one of my mums friends. and she hasn't spoken to me since.

I realise now how badly she treated me, but she was like the only, what i classed at the time, "true" friend, and i haven't had anybody since, and i dont believe i deserve a friend, even if they do treat me like shit. and i really hate myself for it, but sometimes i really miss her, because we used to see each other every day, and then it just went to nothing. it was like a 15 year long relationship came to an abrupt end and I can't get over it, and nobody in my life understands it at all. so some days i just want find her and hug her, other times i feel like i could kill her and blame her for me being in therapy.

anyway, to top it all off, i have always wanted a family of my own. she never seemed that bothered. and she's just had a little baby girl. i feel like she is doing this to piss me off, and that she has what i want, and i'm extremely envious, angry, and resentful.

Am i crazy to feel like this, and how can i stop her controlling me when she's not even in my life anymore?

Love and Hugs

Bubbles
x x x
 
ms_P

ms_P

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jul 21, 2008
Messages
3,067
Location
BeNeLux
I'm sorry this has happened to you. The idea that a bad relationship is better than none isn't new.
I hope you can find the strength to move on, in my opinion. You just might surprise yourself and do much better. At the very least not let anyone step all over you in the name of 'friendship'.
Good luck & take care! :flowers:
 
thebubbles22

thebubbles22

Active member
Joined
Jul 5, 2009
Messages
34
Location
Dorset, UK
Thank you mrs p. it is extremely hard to cope even though she isn't in my life anymore. sometimes i want nothing more than to be with her again, but other times i wish she had never been in my life at all. its so confusing and frustrating.

Love and Hugs

Bubbles
x x x
 
Last edited:
C

challangerchris

Member
Joined
Mar 22, 2009
Messages
22
Location
Halifax
I too have been ditched many a time for better friends, which I can partly understand as I know i'm not the most fun person to be around, plus my conversational skills are pretty poor (but improving slowly) so to theese people I may be seen as hard work.

If she knew about your problems and decided to turn her back then she can't of been a very good friend, but don't give up trying to find a new freind cos there are still some of us about.

Hope you can move on from this :)

Take care,
Chris
 
thebubbles22

thebubbles22

Active member
Joined
Jul 5, 2009
Messages
34
Location
Dorset, UK
Aww thank you Chris, it's so good to hear I'm not the only one who's been in that situation! (Well, not good to have been in the situation, but good so that somebody actually understands!)

And yes my friend did know about all of my problems. I still worry today that she is going to blab all of my darkest secrets all across my home town or on facebook.

I too have very poor conversational skills. I am crap at starting conversations, and if I'm in one, then I always have to think about what I'm going to say for a very long time, then when I do think of something and it seems appropriate, then the moment has gone. I also think that I have nothing worth while to say. Give me a pad and paper and I can write for England, but speaking is very difficult for me, even to the closest people in my life.

Love and Hugs

Bubbles
x x x
 
C

challangerchris

Member
Joined
Mar 22, 2009
Messages
22
Location
Halifax
I too have very poor conversational skills. I am crap at starting conversations, and if I'm in one, then I always have to think about what I'm going to say for a very long time, then when I do think of something and it seems appropriate, then the moment has gone. I also think that I have nothing worth while to say. Give me a pad and paper and I can write for England, but speaking is very difficult for me, even to the closest people in my life.

Love and Hugs

Bubbles
x x x
This is me down to a tee, only sometimes even after spending ages to think of something to say i'm still no closer to actualy thinking of anything relevant to say.

Hope your feeling better today Bubbles.

xx
 
Emily-Rose

Emily-Rose

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2009
Messages
159
:hug:

I'm sorry to hear that your friend's treated you like this :(

I know how you feel, I had a friend who I've know since litrelly birth (we were born in the same ward, moved into houses next door to each other). When I was 14 I moved house, and as soon as I moved house she fell out with me, and stopped talking to me altogether, I never understood why.

I always blamed myself but looking back, a few years after, now being used to not having her around I can see that I'm better off. All she ever did was push me around and make me feel so small..

There is a point to this rant, I swear lol..

What I'm trying to say is, you're worth so much more than your friend, even though you may not think or realise it now. Don't be afraid to go out and find new friends, people who appreciate you for who you are, cause in the end - you're worth it :)

Emily.x
 
thebubbles22

thebubbles22

Active member
Joined
Jul 5, 2009
Messages
34
Location
Dorset, UK
Thank you Chris and Recoveringcutter.

Some days I do know that I am better off without here, but other days I don't.

My parents still live in my old home town where she lives, and I can't go out on my own at the best of times, but even if I just drive through the town, I get panic attacks incase I see her.

I don't know what I'm more scared of; more abuse, her being nice, or the truth.

Love and Hugs

Bubbles
x x x
 
C

challangerchris

Member
Joined
Mar 22, 2009
Messages
22
Location
Halifax
Thank you Chris and Recoveringcutter.

Some days I do know that I am better off without here, but other days I don't.

My parents still live in my old home town where she lives, and I can't go out on my own at the best of times, but even if I just drive through the town, I get panic attacks incase I see her.

I don't know what I'm more scared of; more abuse, her being nice, or the truth.

Love and Hugs

Bubbles
x x x
If you do see her just treat her like a complete stranger, yes it will be hard but she has already proved to you she aint worth been classed as a mate.

Be strong, be better than her. Dont give her non of your time, see how she likes it.

Good luck, you sound very nice and i'm certain there is someone out there who will be a proper soul-mate to you.

Take care.
x
 
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