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Ex boyfriend who made fun of my sexual abuse sexually abused his daughter T/W

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Whywhywhy

Member
Joined
Dec 31, 2020
Messages
5
Location
Detroit
I am dealing with ongoing anger, depression,confusion,racism, even bullying. I dated a guy who made fun of my sexual abuse. At first I tried to just brush it off and ignore him but then a few days after that his daughter accused him of sexual abuse. I heard him say one time that he hopes his daughters friends think he is attractive. This man was 49 at the time. Then he told me how he makes his daughter sleep with him because he can't stand to sleep alone. She was 12 and almost as tall as i around 5ft 7 and developed. He even called me her name and hollered at me. That was weird because I am black and she is white, japanese, and cherokee so I don't know why or how he could do weird stuff like that and confuse us because I'm in my 40s. He also called me a no good n word after telling me he loved me, over not preparing a very old raggedy gift box he reuses every year, because I couldnt get it to sit up or wrap it to his liking. I have went to places like walmart pubicly with him but other places he acted embarrassed to be seen with me. He would pull guns out of now where while driving waving them in a suburban city that is known for pulling people over and doesnt tolerate crime. He would only let his older friends speak to me, not the younger ones. He has stated multiple times how his black clients houses smell and they were nasty and how his half black sisters were n word babies. I'm sorry I am writing an essay but what hurts is that I tried to warn others about him no one even his black friends believe me. I had a woman find me on instagram with a fake account and she told me he forced himself on her because she was late and will never datw him again but weirdly tried to pry into my sexual experience with him. It was odd because even though he forced himself on her she said missionary was great with him wtf and asked if he bought me things and took me out in public. On top of this I started a new job. I dont know if I am psychic or what but I experienced bullying im in my almost late 40s and they thought I was 25. I thought it was because I looked young but I find out later the main lady bullying a white women who was my age her daughter who worked there was dating my exes nephew there were a fww other girls there who bullied me for no reason. Well come to find out they all know my ex. He used to stalk me and the main bully stays less than a block from me so know I know where he was parked when he would call and tell me who was in my driveway. Ive been harrassed on dating sites by catfish accounts being called an nword. I know its him, it scares me hes even knows my neighbor but they claimed they havent seen him in years. I am trying to get over this but its been hard, both my parents were not emotionally there for me i would get pushed away if i wanted a hug but my father had no problem molesting me since i was a baby i wish they just aborted me, my mother i think was jealous of my looks. I guess the point is this guy triggered every thing from my past. I told him what my father did. Yet I felt he tried to traumatize me again. He reopened old scars I thought waas healed. Ive tried warning others about him its even online publicly that his parental rights were terminated, and that he blamed his daughter for him sexually abusing her. I am trying to move because he stays close to me I see his truck pass from time to time. HIs friend from florida who I only talked to once via my ex phone, never had no social media contact, with this guy, is showing up in my suggestion or people you may know in October, actually multiple friends and family and his 6ft8 nephew just tryed to follow me. These people are bikers too. I dont think I was wrong for warning others because multiple people were molested by my father because I didnt speak up. As of March 2019 this man is still free I just dont get it. Do people like him ever get there karma? Did he just look at me as prey or a cover? Sorry this is so long but the situation still has me messed up on the inside
 
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Bipolarbear808

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 15, 2020
Messages
156
Location
Hawaii, USA
It sounds like you've been through some absolutely horrible things and I'm really sorry that you had to experience it. I'm not even sure what to say about your story, but I'm really glad you're no longer in that toxic relationship. I think you're doing the best you can do and I commend you for having the courage speak out. I hope you're able to get away from him because you definitely deserve a better life!
 
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Whywhywhy

Member
Joined
Dec 31, 2020
Messages
5
Location
Detroit
We aren't together but when we broke up I was trying to heal. Then started my new job then the bullying started and other weird things happened on my property. I am going to try my best to move out this city. I really thought tge pain would be over after the break up, but I have the hardest time shutting these thoughts off, sleeping I have nightmares. I had an incident the last time I spent with him where I woke up after having a nightmare, and when I woke up he was snoring but my body was sore and my shirt was pulled out of shape with stratches on me. When he dropped me off my adult son and friend asked me what happened and had I been fighting. He gave me a drink that night and I was knocked out right away before the nightmare. Its just hard going thru trauma years ago and thinking your ok and yea maybe I can get over this, but this was the last thing I needed. I havent always made the best choices in men but this one took the cake as far as the worst I have ever
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
5,561
Location
England
Have you spoken to anyone about this? It is huge, no wonder you are not doing well at the moment.

It takes time to heal but you will get there. Please keep writing and we will try and support you through this.
 
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Intareseid

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 7, 2020
Messages
127
Location
.
The one remotely useful thing I could say is that you need find a way to work on the issues that led you to ever even considering continue to associate with an individual that did this:

I dated a guy who made fun of my sexual abuse.
Because the instant anyone ever does something like this and I'm talking about just a friend or acquaintance, even more so someone you were dating, should have been the instant you turn around and walk away. Not even counting the next ten or so horrific red flags you describe.

The fact you didn't shows there's something not working right that makes you vulnerable to these kind of individual. I can't speculate into the how or why but I can say that you need to get your defenses much higher to avoid any possible future abuse.
 
C

celticlass

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Joined
May 7, 2011
Messages
769
Location
Scotland
I'm sorry but I feel I need to ask if you have any under age female children this man may have had access ess to?
 
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Bipolarbear808

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 15, 2020
Messages
156
Location
Hawaii, USA
We aren't together but when we broke up I was trying to heal. Then started my new job then the bullying started and other weird things happened on my property. I am going to try my best to move out this city. I really thought tge pain would be over after the break up, but I have the hardest time shutting these thoughts off, sleeping I have nightmares. I had an incident the last time I spent with him where I woke up after having a nightmare, and when I woke up he was snoring but my body was sore and my shirt was pulled out of shape with stratches on me. When he dropped me off my adult son and friend asked me what happened and had I been fighting. He gave me a drink that night and I was knocked out right away before the nightmare. Its just hard going thru trauma years ago and thinking your ok and yea maybe I can get over this, but this was the last thing I needed. I havent always made the best choices in men but this one took the cake as far as the worst I have ever
Have you considered seeing a therapist? I think they could really help you to work through all the trauma that you've been through. Right now things sound very raw and I think you could use some extra support.
 
mischief

mischief

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Admin
Joined
Dec 9, 2007
Messages
13,742
Location
The World
Here is a link to some support services in your area.


You could also call 211 to ask what local support services they can suggest.
 
A

Am33

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Sep 28, 2020
Messages
382
Location
Fiji
You have to see the relationship patterns here ? You where abused as a child and you keep attracting the same men to you and it gets more worse every time . We all have to learn what ever that lesson is we need to understand with our relationships which is life a mirror so we can see what we need to look at in ourselves. Many who are abused think THEY did something to deserve it it was their fault ? So they keep attracting the same kind of people .
You might want get some therapy to uncover your beliefs ? Good videos out there too . Where women tell their stories on you tube .
 
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Whywhywhy

Member
Joined
Dec 31, 2020
Messages
5
Location
Detroit
Have you spoken to anyone about this? It is huge, no wonder you are not doing well at the moment.

It takes time to heal but you will get there. Please keep writing and we will try and support you through this.
I have decided to seek a therapist because its really hard to get over this the fact that I outted him and no one believes me even though its listed pubicly what he did to his daughter and how his rights were terminated and whats killing me is that I got bullied for it. It reminds me of when I was young and I had multiple men in my family sexually abuse me and when I tried to tell someone no one cared or did anything. I attempted suicide at age 14 because no one listened or blamed me. My mother just got mad. Everyone at the family event where I tried to take my life never even asked if I was ok. So this had me kinda feelin like the 14 year old me again. I lost a sister to suicide too who left behind a twin so thats why I felt I needed to warn others about him. I didnt even speak up for my own little sister that kills me inside to this day.
 
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Whywhywhy

Member
Joined
Dec 31, 2020
Messages
5
Location
Detroit
You have to see the relationship patterns here ? You where abused as a child and you keep attracting the same men to you and it gets more worse every time . We all have to learn what ever that lesson is we need to understand with our relationships which is life a mirror so we can see what we need to look at in ourselves. Many who are abused think THEY did something to deserve it it was their fault ? So they keep attracting the same kind of people .
You might want get some therapy to uncover your beliefs ? Good videos out there too . Where women tell their stories on you tube .
I'm sorry but I feel I need to ask if you have any under age female children this man may have had access ess to?
I'm sorry but I feel I need to ask if you have any under age female children this man may have had access ess to?
No I don't but the woman who reached out to me that was dating him did. I told her about it and she said well she knew about it but he said his daughter was lying and is torn up about it. Then she ask me did I witness it or was I there, but I told her what he said smdh so I dont think she was convinced. Thats the main reason I left too, I have multiple nieces and little female and male relatives including my own kids that I am very protective of, he could NEVER go around them, I think the sadness of it all is just seeing people defend or support evil people like that its sickening that people have more empathy for a predator then their victim. Its scary
 
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Whywhywhy

Member
Joined
Dec 31, 2020
Messages
5
Location
Detroit
Here is a link to some support services in your area.


You could also call 211 to ask what local support services they can suggest.
Thank you I've neen through some therapy before its really hard sharing with them I sometimes get more depressed or angry. It could be that I just havent found the right one. I dont know
 
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