everything is wrong

A

abdan

Member
Joined
Dec 3, 2015
Messages
10
It´s been a long time since I had posted here. I actually made some interesting contacts, seem even on line I manage to push people out of my life, maybe I have nothing good to offer,to anyone really. My life is turning into a botomless well of darkness and wishes that my life expires very soon.
I have lost everything, I see no light. I am determined to take my life this weekend, I have waited and acted my best but seems it is pointless. Everything I do is a mistake. People around me reject me, make me feel like a monster. Maybe I am a terrible monster and need to pay for all my pain inflicted and shame on others. I am a disgrace.
I wish upon me death and pain but no, I'm too much of a coward. There is a way. I hope I don't have to do this, but the pain and rejectment is unbereable. I needed to let this out. sorry
 
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Foxjo

Foxjo

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Hi
That sounds like the depression talking, its not really you.
You are not a monster, that is a common feeling when depression has you in its grasp.
Im so sorry you are in so much pain, i can feel it in the way you are talking, wish there was a quick and simple answer!
Have you any support network around you?
Keep talking
Fox x
 
A

abdan

Member
Joined
Dec 3, 2015
Messages
10
Hi
no no support whatsoever. I have been planning my suicide for several months now. Searching for the best system, I found it.
I have no friends, I have a child of my own, which right now I can't provide all that needs. I really think maybe just maybe this little life may be better off without me. I'm rubbish. I'm unnemployed. Finished a toxic relationship some months ago. And lost everything. One of my parents is supporting me, but this is a toxic person too that hurts me all the time making me feel i am a huge burden to carry but perfect for carry on a martyr like persona, I am the perfect vehicle for her to play the poor victim with a disgraceful daughter, woes me woes me ....it makes me sick. My father hated me until his last breath.
everything is wrong, silly me thinking I could start over and re do my achademic projects, but no, it's nonsense, let's face it i am no good whatsoever. I daydream of self harming. I am a good ol' screw up. i don't deserve anything in this world. i'm useless. think i can't take it anymore. i'm done
 
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Foxjo

Foxjo

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I think you have been really brave to reach out to us here.
You need support from people around you - can you reach out to your gp and get some help from the local mental health team?
You have been strong up to this point to stop yourself carrying out your thoughts. Now you need to let others help you.
please try and make contact with your local mh team!
Fox
x
 
A

abdan

Member
Joined
Dec 3, 2015
Messages
10
Thank you fox, I will
I know i will feel better, it's just too much to take sometimes.
Thank you for listening.
Big hug
 
Foxjo

Foxjo

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Thats the most important thing to remember- you will get better and it will pass. Just feels so crappy and painful at the time.
Keep talking
big hugs right back at ya xx
 
C

Crazy Lady In Stanton

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Aug 29, 2015
Messages
1,536
Location
Stanton, CA
abdan, I am sorry you are hurting right now. You are not a monster nor a disgrace. That is just the depression making you have those thoughts. Please see your doctor and get some help! Your child needs you! Hang onto life for her. Just think about how awful her life would be if she were left in the clutches of your ex or your mother. You are not alone anymore. You have all of us here to talk to at any time. We are all rooting for you. Sending you a big hug. :hug1:
 
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