- Jan 13, 2019
So I’ve suffered from pretty bad anxiety and depression for over half my life now, but over the last few months the depression has got worse and worse to the point where I just do not want to be here anymore. It all started when my parents decided to move house and I’ve been forced to go with them. I now have a much smaller bedroom, I’m so much further away from all of my friends and am constantly cold. There are so many other inconveniences that I could talk about but honestly the list would go on forever. Because it’s a much more expensive house, I’ve been forced to pay more money towards it, which I’ve agreed to, but now my parents have literally decided to buy my brother a car and give my parking space on the drive to him. Baring in mind that 1) he hasn’t even passed his test yet 2) they already bought him a motorbike that he never used 3) I paid for my car 100% by myself and have never relied on them for it and 4) I’m paying towards the house so surely the least they could do is allow me to keep my parking space. I feel as though they always place my brother above me and hand him everything on a silver platter, while I have to pour my blood sweat and tears into everything I do and still struggle afterwards. They made me get a job, but he somehow doesn’t need one, they made me pay for my own car, yet they’ve bought him one simply because he asked, they expect me to “do a bit of give and take” yet honestly it feels like I’m doing all the giving and they’re doing all the taking. They’ve taken me away from my home, my friends, my neighbourhood, and now they’re trying to take away my parking space. I hate to use the word favouritism but honestly I’ve always felt as though they prefer my brother over me. He’s always been their golden child and yet I’m seen as an emotional and financial burden. It doesn’t help that the man I love broke my heart recently, so that’s just added to the constant depression. I’m spending a large majority of my time in my room with the curtains shut, I’m not eating properly and I’m finding any excuse not to go to work. I’m on anti depressants but I don’t even think they’re doing anything at this point. I’ve been thinking about ending it all a lot more frequently because nothing in my life seems to be going right and everything just gets taken from me until there’s nothing left. I’m sorry this was all a big rant, I just really needed to get it off my chest.