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everything going wrong

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sd123

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Jun 25, 2008
Messages
11
I have just finished a series of exams and throughout the last month especilly i've been on a real low. i thought when i finished i might perk up a bit but everything is still going wrong for me. it seems that the harder that i try to be like everyone else the more i'm shut off. i don't know what i am doing so differently from everyone else my age but everything seems to be going wrong. it's like when you have 'one of those days' but i have had 'one of those days' constantly for about 2 years now. i know there is no advice anyone can give me as such i just want to know if anyone is in the same boat as me.
 
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sd123

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Jun 25, 2008
Messages
11
also i can't talk to anyone as i don't get on with my family, i am nothing like them and everything ends up with me or them blowing my or their tops. i can't talk to my friend as i only have 1 and he's a bloody big mouth and it would be all around school how messed up i feel. as for professionals, i have absolutely no self confidence and couldn't exactly sneak to the doctors without anyone knowing. thats why i'm resorting to sitting behind my keyboard night after night looking for other people like me and how they counter act this.
 
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Clucky111

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May 13, 2008
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you seem to be in a similar situation as me. all i can suggest is go to see your GP, it took me a good couple of years to do that, and I've got somewhere now (even though I'm having a really bad day today..I thought it would get better after exams too!) I have a rather crap time with my family and have resorted to spending as much time with friends as possible, even if it means 'missing' my free days to hang out in school. it helps cos then there's less negativity. is there anyone you can trust enough to talk to?

and :welcome: btw
 
honeyquince

honeyquince

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Hi SD,

Sorry that you're having such a bad time at the moment, here's a hug, sounds like you could do with a few - :hug::hug::hug:.

I can empathise with at least part of your situation. I've had depression for about 2 - 3 years now and recognise that sense of unremitting daily misery that you are feeling.

I certainly felt completely lost in my life and felt / feel that there's just nothing left worth living for. I am however now starting to have some brighter days amidst the misery. I still have some really bad times when I just completely loose the plot but I think I can now see that these will be temporary and the good times will come back (you can tell that I'm having a better day today - look at my posts from a few days ago and you will see a very different picture of me :eek:).

Anyway - how you are feeling now however cr*p is temporary - there will be times when you feel better.

The other thing I would say is try to get to see your GP as this was the start for me of getting help to try and put things right.

Why do you feel that it's difficult to see the GP?

An alternative starting point is to see if there are any drop in sessions with mental health help groups. These are often held in different places such as church halls and might be a bit more anonymous than the GP. If you let us know what area of the country you are in other members may know of support thats available.

If things stay really tough there's always groups like the Samaritans who are always there just for a confidential chat, there may be other phone help lines local to you - try googling it.

The final thing I would say it hang out here with us... we're a friendly bunch and will offer support wherever we can. We can also offer a laugh as well - we're not always deadly serious :cool:! Do keep in touch and keep posting.

Take care.
 
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sd123

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Jun 25, 2008
Messages
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not really. my mum would flip out saying 'we have done everything for you don't such a selfish little bastard' even though she is constantly bugging me saying whats wrong. the problem is i don't know what is causing me to feel this way or if it everything that has gone wrong in my 16 years of life. and as for my 'friend' he's more interested in spending his life creating some java made character.
 
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Clucky111

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wow - my parents call me selfish too...apparently needing lifts to doctors appts is selfish?!

i think your GP is the right way to go, i got referred in January (on the same day as an exam which i then failed...yeh that made me feel better..:mad: ) and I now have CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). At first, i thought it was pointless, that it wasn't helping, but it HAS helped, even if i just need to vent, and she's helped me work out a cause for this and also the triggers for my panic attacks.

GP's have heard it all before. You're the same age I was when I was referred, and she was all sympathetic and gave me this questionaire to fill out to help diagnose. So I can't see it being much different. I just took a deep breath and said it. And then she did the rest :)

I'm not gonna say it wasn't hard at the first few sessions, but it's OK now.
 
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sd123

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Jun 25, 2008
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tahnks for your advice but i guess i'm too cowardly to see someone. also i've spent so much time alone but trying so hard to fit in i've learnt that alot of humans are complete tossers and can't even trust my family. i often find myself locking myself in the bathroom staring at my reflection almost subconsciassly, then if no one is home i'll get really angry with myself and talk to my reflection like he's a piece of shit and sometimes hit myself. i'll then just sit on the floor trying to cry but i can't. my brain just feels so tangled. i feel so angry but there is no one to take my aggression out on as no one seems to have done anything wrong.
 
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Clucky111

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try writing down/drawing your feelings. i started to keep a sort of diary, but not avidly, just for when I'm feeling like shit...or really good (when that happens..) it's got alot of venting in it about my family, which helps get it out of my system sort of, i tend to sleep a bit better after writing it all down, because it's not buzzing in my head. but i also understand that it's hard to sit down and write when you feel this bad, cos you have no motivation. but once i write like one line, im into it then. and it truely helps.
 
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sd123

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Jun 25, 2008
Messages
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i tried this once before but i ended up reading the list and this seemed to collate all the little things that were wrong and i punched the wall, chipped the bone in my knuckle, then chewed up the list and spat it out. i just wonder why this happens to me. there are so many sods in this world that seem to have it all and for people like me seem to try and do whats best and get kicked in the bollocks whatever way they turn. i always think about getting a girlfriend but i don't know how to talk to a girl. the closest that i've come to a relationship is the hug smilie taht i recieved earlier in the thread. i feel like i want to die, but die honourably not like a coward and for reasons only i understood. i want to happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and get shot instead of some kid or something like that.
 
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Clucky111

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first of all, chipped bone OW - did same with elbow...whilst brushing my hair..yes im that clumsy

i understand what you mean about wanting to die honourably, i THINK, as i often wish something would happen to me so i had an EXCUSE to feel like this.

also, i get what you mean about the good people getting it bad, but i've realised lately that alot of 'good' people are always fighting for what's fair..when they don't need it. unfortunately, sometimes you have to be selfish to get better.

are you back in school atm? or have you left after exams? if you're in school, you could try to spend some time with people other than the one friend you talk about. spending time with new people will open new doors.
 
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sd123

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yeah you pinned the tail on the donkey spot on that i want an excuse to die. my mum made me go to 6th form at my god foresaken school. i asked to go to college for a fresh start but she refused. mind you i probably won't get the grades to stay. i really want to join the army but my family would disown me lol. i did try and make friends on a few occasions but i went from not being noticed to being hated by everyone. i think that this forum is the closest thing to revealling my problems to anyone that i will get for now.
 
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Clucky111

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you can go to college if you want to. i considered that, but i'm glad i didn't cos it's meant that i've made some really good friends. i've just finished my first year of sixth form, and i can tell you that it is completely different to year 11, everyone is put in classes with anyone from the year, and you just get to know a variety of people. and people don't jusge as much i guess.

if you want to join the army, you could compromise and do A-Level or just AS-Levels, then go? I dunno, ive had to talk to a friend about joining the navy lately, and she decided the stay and do a-levels..then go cos she could become a nurse or something?! who knows..anyways you might as well do your best in school/college. cos you never know you might change your mind. or, you might find another course in college? i dunno lol - just throwing ideas around.

im thinking my results will be a tad crappage this year after my non-working attitude, so i get how you feel lol. but you can't change them now, and at least you've got a reason unlike some of the idiots out there.

main thing is, do what you want to do, if you're unhappy in your school, then you can go to college, or join the army, your parents can't stop you. as i said earlier, sometimes you've GOT to be a bit selfish. maybe if you go to college, then your mum will see a change in attitude and see how it actually was good for YOU.
 
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sd123

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thanks this really has already made me feel a little bit better. but one of my problems is that i don't have a clue what i want to do. i pretty much hate everything, mainly because i'm crap at everything that i do.
 
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Clucky111

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you're good at SOMETHING. i'm good at welsh - how unfair that i get lumbered with the barely spoken language?! but it took years for me to find that out. do you have something you have like a 'passion' for? ive got a thing about music..tis my life lol. and it makes me feel better to listen to 'happy' music... it makes you feel better if you have something to focus on.

if you don't know what to do, then take the people who know you best's advice, like on subjects and whatnot..i completely messed up my a-level choices, but i can still do what i want to do, cos we sorted it out in time. if you don't know what to, i'd stay in school/college so that you have options in a couple of year's time. also, there will be structure, which may help.

i seriously suggest ringing the doctors and making an appt, i found it easier to speak to women cos i find them more understanding. you can ask for who you want to see, so if you don't want to see a woman or whatever, you can see a man. so you don't have to worry about that and feeling really self-counscious and embaressed. also, they have seriously seen it all before, i know for a fact my doctor has seen my condition before because she is my sister's doctor too (she self harms and stuff, been worse since the baby's been born). they hardly bat an eyelid, they just go into the right mode for the sit and ask all the relevant questions. i've said all this before haven't i?

i felt awful right after i had my 'diagnosis' but now, i nearly got run over on the way home i think :unsure: not on purpose, i was just so wound up i walked out. i'm BEGINNING to accept it now, 6 months later... i've begun to learn ways of coping, like i've stopped myself taing too much on so that i don't get too stressed agaim.

it's gonna take time, but you'll get there. well, im hoping i will too, but seeing as depression runs in my bloody family :mad:
 
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sd123

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Jun 25, 2008
Messages
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yeah same and alcoholism.
thank you its nice to know i've got a cyber friend which is a start =p.
 
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