Everyone's Watching Me

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hamlet33

Member
Joined
Feb 4, 2016
Messages
8
#1
Back in 10th grade, I tried to ask a girl out but when I approached her, I just couldn't blurt out anything and I stood there infront of this beautiful girl, silent and confused and then I noticed everyone started making a circle around us and watching me fail. Ever since that incident, I have been terribly self-conscious.

I am 33 now and only through 'stuff' is that I get by asking women out. This traumatic incident has somehow settled in my subconscious and I just get so self-conscious. This has made me extremely self-conscious everywhere and any help would be appreciated to this super sensitive guy.
 
M

Member67

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Joined
Feb 3, 2016
Messages
32
#2
Im sure you know this yourself but you need to stop reliving this memory, something that happened so long ago should have no hold on you now. Whenever we relive a vivid memory, the brain cant distinguish the feelings and state and the present so the reaction you have is like its happening all over again! Luckily the brain is quite stupid and there are ways to "trick" it. Whenver you feel yourself to begin replaying this memory, make yourself STOP. I walk around with an elastic band on my wrist and will twang it against my wrist to bring me out of my mind and to my body. After doing something like this, try to remember a time you did feel good/confident, and remember it in vivid detail, colours, sounds the feelings you had etc and adjust your body appropriately. I find that this can sometimes help and is good for fighting back against our stupid unconscious!
 
S

Selavi

New member
Joined
Mar 17, 2016
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1
#3
Overcoming your conscious mind issues is hard enough. How can you overcome your unconscious mind?
 
naominash

naominash

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Mar 26, 2016
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#4
Laugh at yourself, realizing that no one is focused in you as much as you yourself are.

It should help. That girl probably doesn't even remember it or just assumed you were shy and moved on with her life.
 
naominash

naominash

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#5
Overcoming your conscious mind issues is hard enough. How can you overcome your unconscious mind?
Focus on reality. Reality is a good guide to check yourself when you end up thinking you're some kind of horrible monster.

This is simply not factual. Reality is neither I'm feel like I am perfection or I feel like dirt. You wanna stay in the middle.
 
T

trulite

New member
Joined
Apr 11, 2016
Messages
1
#6
Back in 10th grade, I tried to ask a girl out but when I approached her, I just couldn't blurt out anything and I stood there infront of this beautiful girl, silent and confused and then I noticed everyone started making a circle around us and watching me fail. Ever since that incident, I have been terribly self-conscious.

I am 33 now and only through 'stuff' is that I get by asking women out. This traumatic incident has somehow settled in my subconscious and I just get so self-conscious. This has made me extremely self-conscious everywhere and any help would be appreciated to this super sensitive guy.
Being self conscious makes you feel that others are watching you and also judging you. You can become fearful that you will embarrass yourself and people might ridicule you. It is similar to fear of public speaking but it it is happening all the time. You need to gear yourself up and be ready to accept that everybody has embarrassed themselves one time or the other.
 
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philthephilistine

Member
Joined
May 10, 2016
Messages
7
#7
I really like the elastic band idea. I'm going to try it :)
 
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handheart

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Joined
Mar 19, 2016
Messages
48
#8
Yes this produced a trauma on your subconstient mind and its afect you everytime when you deal with womens
You must fix the problem there if you want to get better .First you must accept that the tauma from past its not so bad at first congratulations that you ask the girl out ,many people dont be able to do so .Also most dating expert and seductors they live a drama like you but the diference in you about them its that they dont make such a big drama but they accept it as a lerning process and they dont give up they try again until they succed and master it
 
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pineappleexpress

New member
Joined
Mar 4, 2019
Messages
1
Location
Philippines
#9
Back in 10th grade, I tried to ask a girl out but when I approached her, I just couldn't blurt out anything and I stood there infront of this beautiful girl, silent and confused and then I noticed everyone started making a circle around us and watching me fail. Ever since that incident, I have been terribly self-conscious.

I am 33 now and only through 'stuff' is that I get by asking women out. This traumatic incident has somehow settled in my subconscious and I just get so self-conscious. This has made me extremely self-conscious everywhere and any help would be appreciated to this super sensitive guy.
I have a traumatic experience before when i was in high school, i was a lead singer of a band and there was one time when we play i forgot the lyrics and that was one of my most embarrassing moments of my life and i feel like everyone is watching and judging me, i lost focus on things and i think when i made a mistake everyone is watching and judging me. But later on i overcome my social anxiety because of some meditation and things i explore with my self and not focusing on the people who are around you.
 
G

George10111

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2017
Messages
249
#10
It sounds like you might have had an anxiety or even mild panic attack. Something very similar happened to me on multiple occasions with girls.

In sixth grade this girl I liked came and sat across the table from me while I was eating lunch. I froze and got up. She told me to stay there. My face blushed and I ran off. I literally couldn't control the level of extreme anxiety I'd felt.

In seventh grade on like the first or second day of school that same girl I really like came up and talked to me and tried to talk to me. I ran off, mortified with embarrassment yelling my friend's name.

In 10th grade, a different girl who was way prettier whom I'd had a crush on for years came into my house. As soon as I heard her voice, inside my house I freaked out and ran off. It was just so weird at the time to know this girl was IN MY HOUSE. I know that sounds cheesy but it was just mortifying. Looking back I laugh at all these instances.

Social anxiety is more then shyness. Its hard to deal with. Know you're not alone and we're all here for you. It makes you feel like everyone is watching you at all times, waiting for you to mess-up so they can laugh at you. It also makes you feel like you're responsible for everyone's happiness. It sucks.
 
MeropeneM

MeropeneM

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jan 18, 2019
Messages
208
#11
It's hard because you can't just go to her and say "Hi, can I put it in you?"

It would be very practical and to the point but unfortunately...you gotta play the game haha!
 
R

RedEarthMallard

New member
Joined
Mar 8, 2019
Messages
2
Location
Central Florida
#13
This is known as the “spotlight effect,” and is extremely common amongst sufferers of SA. I experience it every time I leave my house. To someone on the outside, getting rejected by a girl 15 years ago is a ridiculous thing to let affect you for so long. People don’t understand how crippling this can be.

you’re the only person on the planet who ever thinks about that incident. The girl and everyone in that circle hasn’t thought about it for many years. I want to assure you that it’s not a big deal. Everybody gets rejected. Everybody feels embarrassed sometimes.

I’ll assume you already knew this, so the problem then becomes “how can I stop letting these thoughts run my life?”

For people like us, it’s not easy. Meditation is key. You need to slow your mind down. The storm of irrational thoughts in your mind needs to stop before you can process them. Here’s what I do:

Find a clean, quiet place to sit and start breathing slowly, deeply, and deliberately. “Blank slate” your mind. If thoughts start swirling around again (they will,) FORCE them out of your mind by returning to thinking only about your breathing. This will train you to get a handle on on your thoughts.

The incident you describe isn’t who you are, it’s just some insignificant event in your life. People aren’t looking at you any differently than they look st anyone else. There’s nothing wrong with you man, this stuff happens to everyone
 
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DyingUpInHere

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Joined
Jan 31, 2019
Messages
92
Location
White Plains, NY
#15
If you live in an homogeneous neighborhood like I do, you are absolutely being watched at all times. I can't even walk out the door without at least five sets of eyes on me. Especially on an unusually warm day like today in Winter. They sit right in the middle of the sidewalk in lawn chairs and tell me I'm rude for walking on it [sidewalk]. They're trying to expel me from my own home. By ostracizing me for being different from them. It's working. But it's not going to end like they think.
 
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Iamdan

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Joined
Mar 20, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Australia
#18
If you live in an homogeneous neighborhood like I do, you are absolutely being watched at all times. I can't even walk out the door without at least five sets of eyes on me. Especially on an unusually warm day like today in Winter. They sit right in the middle of the sidewalk in lawn chairs and tell me I'm rude for walking on it [sidewalk]. They're trying to expel me from my own home. By ostracizing me for being different from them. It's working. But it's not going to end like they think.
They are sat on lawn chairs in the middle of the street lol
 
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DyingUpInHere

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Jan 31, 2019
Messages
92
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White Plains, NY
#19
No, the sidewalk. And right now the other side of the sidewalk is inaccessible because of a retaining wall being replaced between the two buildings. So I have to walk through the middle of them. But I'm making more of it than it really is. It could be worse. At least I haven't got criminals in lawn chairs like here-》
 
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DyingUpInHere

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Joined
Jan 31, 2019
Messages
92
Location
White Plains, NY
#20
On a side note, my phone was once again on without my turning it on when I emerged from the psychiatrists office today. Just like two weeks ago. Someone is listening. I don't understand why or know who. Listening to me in there is like watching paint dry. But whoever it is I hope I don't end up like Angela Bennett in the Net from 1995.