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    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Everyone makes me feel worthless, especially mom. Maybe I am.

S

strawberrywater

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 24, 2021
Messages
146
Location
United States
I do everything for her - bailed her out of hefty traffic tickets so she wouldn't go to jail, drive her to her drug clinic every single morning, drive her all over the place because she doesn't have a license, takes the brunt of her controlling ways. She gets to do these outrageous things, yet makes me feel worthless for no reason.

If I complain about a distracted driver around me while driving, she will SCREAM like a banshee at me and accuse me of being the distracted driver for watching other people. Sometimes I can't help but make a comment because people who are texting and driving upset me -- if I did that, I'd be pulled over, how come they're not? People also speed and cut me off all the time. It's a tremendous stress to have to drive every single day.

But she doesn't let me even make a comment. Today she screamed so loud that my ears are ringing. I can't hear and can't think. Like always, she ruins my day and probably feels good about herself for it.

I told her to not scream at me like that and she says "Give me a break, shut up" still screaming. I said she doesn't even apologize for screaming at me like a crazy person, then she ignores me or says "Get over yourself"

I told her I want to kill myself. She doesn't care. She says do it and no one will miss me.

She hates me and I don't know why. I do everything for her. She babies my father and waits on him hand and foot. She talks to him like he's a helpless child... like "Honey, can I get you a drink? You need to have a drink with your meal" even if he doesn't want it. She laughs and treats him like he's a baby. She treats her drug addict criminal son better than me.

I think because I'm one of the few family who've never done drugs or criminal acts, that she hates me for it. She's mad at me because I ended up living a clean life. She mocks me for wanting to sit at home and read books rather than go out and meet strangers. She thinks I should be out every night meeting people.

She told me I'm a sorry excuse and a miserable human being. Everyone I've ever known has told me I'm miserable - friends, boyfriends. Why am I not allowed to express a complaint, yet everyone has hounded me with their problems? I can't say one thing. When I blow up after keeping it all inside, they laugh at me and call me crazy.

I can't move because I don't have a job. We live in a poor area with not many decent jobs. Even when I worked full time, commuted over an hour each way, I never made enough money. I'm almost 30 and I can't take this anymore. I want to be dead. I hope I am soon.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
6,384
Location
England
I'm so sad about your situation.

When there seems like no way out, it is the worst place to be. No escape and death seems the only way out doesn't it.

It isn't though. You have a wonderful life ahead of you, your own life where you are happy and rested, at peace, alive and well and enjoying your own life.

How can we help? Is there anyone you can see or talk to? I can't remember if you said you could talk to your doctor?

If this stress continues, you might end up with a very ill brain. How can we help you out of this?

Is there a hostel or something like that?
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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Forum Safety Team
Joined
May 6, 2017
Messages
6,869
Location
Sheffield
It may help to have a look at these two pages on the forum: Suicidal Crisis and Mental Health Forum - Getting Help about what to do if you're feeling suicidal, or if you need emergency help. I hope you can use the forum for support during this difficult time.

If you’re thinking about suicide and are in immediate danger, please call your local emergency number (i.e. in the UK call 999, in the USA or Canada call 911, in Australia call 000 and in New Zealand call 111) or call the international emergency number of 112.

If you have been affected by the contents of this thread and would like to speak to someone about your feelings you can call one of the following helplines:

In the UK and Ireland, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123.
In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255.
In Canada, the Suicide Prevention Service on 1.833.456.4566.
In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14.
In New Zealand, the Need to Talk service is on 1737 or 080017371737.
Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org.
 
S

strawberrywater

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 24, 2021
Messages
146
Location
United States
I'm so sad about your situation.

When there seems like no way out, it is the worst place to be. No escape and death seems the only way out doesn't it.

It isn't though. You have a wonderful life ahead of you, your own life where you are happy and rested, at peace, alive and well and enjoying your own life.

How can we help? Is there anyone you can see or talk to? I can't remember if you said you could talk to your doctor?

If this stress continues, you might end up with a very ill brain. How can we help you out of this?

Is there a hostel or something like that?
Thank you for your reply. I find simple support from others helps, even if it's just online. I have a doctor but currently don't have health insurance to pay for help. My mother would also get angry if I went for help.
There's nowhere for me to go to get out of this situation - no other family or friends. I stay in my room with the door locked and just try to avoid my mom. She's not like this all the time, but when she is, it's horrific.
I keep applying for jobs out of state but that's bringing no luck so far, but I stay hopeful and keep trying. I am very thankful for this forum and all the support. It makes me feel like I'm not alone. Thank you so much ❤
 
Signofthetimes

Signofthetimes

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 1, 2021
Messages
448
Location
California
Hi, we're listening here. You have a place here to share. I was never allowed to express myself either. You need out of that situation, not out of life. You have done so much for your parents. You are a kind person deserving of kindness for yourself. They probably won't ever appreciate all the good you have done for them. Still you did it and have now given enough. Thank yourself and leave them as soon as you can. You can love them away from their abuse.I can relate to some of the things you wrote .I hope you can start working on a plan to do that, not to stop life. Start life for you. It will happen Sending hugs.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
6,384
Location
England
Thank you for your reply. I find simple support from others helps, even if it's just online. I have a doctor but currently don't have health insurance to pay for help. My mother would also get angry if I went for help.
There's nowhere for me to go to get out of this situation - no other family or friends. I stay in my room with the door locked and just try to avoid my mom. She's not like this all the time, but when she is, it's horrific.
I keep applying for jobs out of state but that's bringing no luck so far, but I stay hopeful and keep trying. I am very thankful for this forum and all the support. It makes me feel like I'm not alone. Thank you so much ❤
I had a feeling, because i have been through something similar to what you are going through, although not quite so bad. My mum has a mental illness and i could probably say that she has been verbally abusive although i know abuse is quite a severe word. Immense stress though, and confidence damaging, taking up my energy that should have been spent on making a good life for myself. The stress of it all caused my body problems and my mind is pretty tired too. I hate drama now, confrontation, shouting, complaining or anger. I have no tolerance for it because i have had to deal with so much of it from her. So, i had a feeling you just needed to let it all out. I'm glad that is the case and that you are safe and have a little bit of hope.

I live alone now and still see mum often but not living with her is amazing. I tell her to go home often, if she is yelling or behaving badly, and make sure i can always go home and shut my front door, to look after myself for a while, rest and recover from things.

You will get there. Keep relying on us to get through this time and very soon i am sure you will find a way out.
 
Schwarzen

Schwarzen

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 5, 2021
Messages
73
Location
Nowhere in particular.
Sounds more like most around you are the ones that are worthless.

Sadly if you can't remove yourself from that toxic environment then there's no real solution but what you should realize is that such a woman isn't really your mother, she may have given birth to you but it seems her role as such started and ended there. Now she's just a bitter, cruel and toxic abuser.

You're never going to be able to please her or change the dynamic of the relationship because you're not the problem, she is. No matter what you ever do she won't stop being what she is.

If nothing else, you need to try and realize that so at least you can suffer less emotionally.
 
J

JeanPierre

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
2,089
Location
Southern USA
I do everything for her - bailed her out of hefty traffic tickets so she wouldn't go to jail, drive her to her drug clinic every single morning, drive her all over the place because she doesn't have a license, takes the brunt of her controlling ways. She gets to do these outrageous things, yet makes me feel worthless for no reason.

If I complain about a distracted driver around me while driving, she will SCREAM like a banshee at me and accuse me of being the distracted driver for watching other people. Sometimes I can't help but make a comment because people who are texting and driving upset me -- if I did that, I'd be pulled over, how come they're not? People also speed and cut me off all the time. It's a tremendous stress to have to drive every single day.

But she doesn't let me even make a comment. Today she screamed so loud that my ears are ringing. I can't hear and can't think. Like always, she ruins my day and probably feels good about herself for it.

I told her to not scream at me like that and she says "Give me a break, shut up" still screaming. I said she doesn't even apologize for screaming at me like a crazy person, then she ignores me or says "Get over yourself"

I told her I want to kill myself. She doesn't care. She says do it and no one will miss me.

She hates me and I don't know why. I do everything for her. She babies my father and waits on him hand and foot. She talks to him like he's a helpless child... like "Honey, can I get you a drink? You need to have a drink with your meal" even if he doesn't want it. She laughs and treats him like he's a baby. She treats her drug addict criminal son better than me.

I think because I'm one of the few family who've never done drugs or criminal acts, that she hates me for it. She's mad at me because I ended up living a clean life. She mocks me for wanting to sit at home and read books rather than go out and meet strangers. She thinks I should be out every night meeting people.

She told me I'm a sorry excuse and a miserable human being. Everyone I've ever known has told me I'm miserable - friends, boyfriends. Why am I not allowed to express a complaint, yet everyone has hounded me with their problems? I can't say one thing. When I blow up after keeping it all inside, they laugh at me and call me crazy.

I can't move because I don't have a job. We live in a poor area with not many decent jobs. Even when I worked full time, commuted over an hour each way, I never made enough money. I'm almost 30 and I can't take this anymore. I want to be dead. I hope I am soon.
What a horrible woman.
I hope I'm correct in thinking that when the world reopens; there will be untold opportunities for people looking for them.
My heart is with you.
 
S

strawberrywater

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 24, 2021
Messages
146
Location
United States
Thank you all for your kind words and support - it means so much, honestly. It brings me comfort to know that I'm not the problem (I understand some people don't like others who complain, but when someone just laughs with me at a bad driver, I let it go. When my mom screams at me, it makes me feel angrier).
One day I'll get out, I am always trying to find opportunities. I don't really want my life to end, but sometimes I get so upset. I dream of my own apartment, decorating it all cozy, walking to cute coffee shops, and just living a nice, quiet life. I really want that.
 
J

JeanPierre

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
2,089
Location
Southern USA
Thank you all for your kind words and support - it means so much, honestly. It brings me comfort to know that I'm not the problem (I understand some people don't like others who complain, but when someone just laughs with me at a bad driver, I let it go. When my mom screams at me, it makes me feel angrier).
One day I'll get out, I am always trying to find opportunities. I don't really want my life to end, but sometimes I get so upset. I dream of my own apartment, decorating it all cozy, walking to cute coffee shops, and just living a nice, quiet life. I really want that.
If you put that intention out to the universe it will come.
 
J

JeanPierre

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
2,089
Location
Southern USA
Thank you for your reply. I find simple support from others helps, even if it's just online. I have a doctor but currently don't have health insurance to pay for help. My mother would also get angry if I went for help.
There's nowhere for me to go to get out of this situation - no other family or friends. I stay in my room with the door locked and just try to avoid my mom. She's not like this all the time, but when she is, it's horrific.
I keep applying for jobs out of state but that's bringing no luck so far, but I stay hopeful and keep trying. I am very thankful for this forum and all the support. It makes me feel like I'm not alone. Thank you so much ❤
Strawberry, I just thought of Medicaid. It exists exactly for your situation and you are eligible. It covers everything.
Many States have expanded it in recent years.
Otherwise, most cities have clinics that will work with people on a sliding scale.
It only takes a phone call to your doctor to get set up, from what I understand.
You must see to yourself so when you are free you are healthy and happy! ✌
 
J

Jono

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 27, 2020
Messages
116
Location
Cornwall
I do everything for her - bailed her out of hefty traffic tickets so she wouldn't go to jail, drive her to her drug clinic every single morning, drive her all over the place because she doesn't have a license, takes the brunt of her controlling ways. She gets to do these outrageous things, yet makes me feel worthless for no reason.

If I complain about a distracted driver around me while driving, she will SCREAM like a banshee at me and accuse me of being the distracted driver for watching other people. Sometimes I can't help but make a comment because people who are texting and driving upset me -- if I did that, I'd be pulled over, how come they're not? People also speed and cut me off all the time. It's a tremendous stress to have to drive every single day.

But she doesn't let me even make a comment. Today she screamed so loud that my ears are ringing. I can't hear and can't think. Like always, she ruins my day and probably feels good about herself for it.

I told her to not scream at me like that and she says "Give me a break, shut up" still screaming. I said she doesn't even apologize for screaming at me like a crazy person, then she ignores me or says "Get over yourself"

I told her I want to kill myself. She doesn't care. She says do it and no one will miss me.

She hates me and I don't know why. I do everything for her. She babies my father and waits on him hand and foot. She talks to him like he's a helpless child... like "Honey, can I get you a drink? You need to have a drink with your meal" even if he doesn't want it. She laughs and treats him like he's a baby. She treats her drug addict criminal son better than me.

I think because I'm one of the few family who've never done drugs or criminal acts, that she hates me for it. She's mad at me because I ended up living a clean life. She mocks me for wanting to sit at home and read books rather than go out and meet strangers. She thinks I should be out every night meeting people.

She told me I'm a sorry excuse and a miserable human being. Everyone I've ever known has told me I'm miserable - friends, boyfriends. Why am I not allowed to express a complaint, yet everyone has hounded me with their problems? I can't say one thing. When I blow up after keeping it all inside, they laugh at me and call me crazy.

I can't move because I don't have a job. We live in a poor area with not many decent jobs. Even when I worked full time, commuted over an hour each way, I never made enough money. I'm almost 30 and I can't take this anymore. I want to be dead. I hope I am soon.
You don’t want to think like that, you need to move on my friend and quick before these people drag you down to their level . It might be hard but anything has to be better than you’ve got oh and by the way , reading books isn’t boring , it shows you have a mind so use it and find someone that deserves you :peace: :D
 
E

EclipticNight

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2020
Messages
455
Location
Orleans vermont.
I do everything for her - bailed her out of hefty traffic tickets so she wouldn't go to jail, drive her to her drug clinic every single morning, drive her all over the place because she doesn't have a license, takes the brunt of her controlling ways. She gets to do these outrageous things, yet makes me feel worthless for no reason.

If I complain about a distracted driver around me while driving, she will SCREAM like a banshee at me and accuse me of being the distracted driver for watching other people. Sometimes I can't help but make a comment because people who are texting and driving upset me -- if I did that, I'd be pulled over, how come they're not? People also speed and cut me off all the time. It's a tremendous stress to have to drive every single day.

But she doesn't let me even make a comment. Today she screamed so loud that my ears are ringing. I can't hear and can't think. Like always, she ruins my day and probably feels good about herself for it.

I told her to not scream at me like that and she says "Give me a break, shut up" still screaming. I said she doesn't even apologize for screaming at me like a crazy person, then she ignores me or says "Get over yourself"

I told her I want to kill myself. She doesn't care. She says do it and no one will miss me.

She hates me and I don't know why. I do everything for her. She babies my father and waits on him hand and foot. She talks to him like he's a helpless child... like "Honey, can I get you a drink? You need to have a drink with your meal" even if he doesn't want it. She laughs and treats him like he's a baby. She treats her drug addict criminal son better than me.

I think because I'm one of the few family who've never done drugs or criminal acts, that she hates me for it. She's mad at me because I ended up living a clean life. She mocks me for wanting to sit at home and read books rather than go out and meet strangers. She thinks I should be out every night meeting people.

She told me I'm a sorry excuse and a miserable human being. Everyone I've ever known has told me I'm miserable - friends, boyfriends. Why am I not allowed to express a complaint, yet everyone has hounded me with their problems? I can't say one thing. When I blow up after keeping it all inside, they laugh at me and call me crazy.

I can't move because I don't have a job. We live in a poor area with not many decent jobs. Even when I worked full time, commuted over an hour each way, I never made enough money. I'm almost 30 and I can't take this anymore. I want to be dead. I hope I am soon.
Its definitely not you. For some reason there are people like us who get treated awful for no reason at all. Maybe you should put your foot down and tell her to shut it or get out of the car and walk her happy ass home. Give out what you get a bit and see how she likes it.

I'm in a big fight with a family member right now. I decided I was done and told her just what I thought of her. It felt damn good. Now I'm going all in. If you are interested I could share with you, might make you feel a bit better, or give you some ideas lol. PM me if you want the full story.
 
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