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Everybody Tires of Me

L

LostAtC

Member
Joined
Jan 28, 2020
Messages
5
Location
United States
I can't seem to maintain very many healthy relationships/friendships. I have a handful of best friends, but we are the kind of friends that don't talk daily, we just check in with each other every so often. I feel like they know me really well, but every once in a while I convince myself that they know nothing deep about me.

Then I meet new friends and get really close with them really quickly. I tell them things I have never told others before, except for my wife. I get really attached to them... until I convince myself that I have overwhelmed them entirely and they now hate me.

It's a terrible pattern I can't seem to get out of. I talk to new friends daily and we go on and on about our personal lives, and then one day I convince myself they can't stand me and I stop responding to them or my answers become very short and it takes a ton of reassurance for me to come back out of my shell. I don't trust that anybody will stick around for very long, and everybody tells me they're "in it for the long haul" but I am very observant and empathetic and can sense the change in people. If there is even a slight change in how they talk to me or the advice they give or the things they say, it sends me into a total panic and I convince myself the friendship is completely over because they are sick of me. And then if they do open me up and I tell them I think the friendship is over, that makes me panic because I am convinced they will get sick of my cycles and leave me behind. I read text conversations over and over again, obsessively, and can pinpoint exact moments when my anxiety has caused the friendship to slide.

I can socialize very well and people around me think I am a person with many close friends, but I'm left feeling alone and overthinking every little thing. Tonight it's making me want to crawl in a hole and never come out again. I feel like I can't make it through this.
 
calypso

calypso

Well-known member
Admin
Moderator
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Jan 5, 2011
Messages
46,291
Location
Lancashire
Hiya. I used to do what you are saying and its an awful place to be. I think I worked on saying over and over to myself, "what proof do you have?" and an empathic feeling doesn't count here. I would listen to them and realise that they needed a friendship as much as I did.

You say you have some good friends. That's the nature of good friends, you don't have to talk every day and can pick up where you left off easily. Talk to them about how you are feeling. I think you said you are married? What does your partner say about this?

I wish I could offer you massive words of wisdom but I did overcome it and I'm sure you can too with time and effort. If they aren't actively pushing you away, take them on face value and believe them. Its your own low self esteem doing this I think.
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
6,763
Location
Nowhere
hi LostatC

what Calypso said
I also think that ' everybody tires of me '
is a negative affirmation, like a ' programming '
just like a computer our brains are in some ways

if you take a pice of paper and write that down
then work out what the opposite would be to that sentence
and then write that down

and say your new sentence 3 times every morning !

:grouphug: 🕯 🍀
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
13,664
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
Nobody on this forum would ever tire of you, lostatc :hug:

We're all here to listen and support, i hope your friends are understanding of your problems it sounds like they are :hug:
 
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