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Ever since, a self harm story

vanish

vanish

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Ever since I harmed myself two months ago, I keep looking at the scars and wondering should or could I do it again? I’m under enormous stress at the moment and feel extremely vulnerable. I’ve been thinking of ODing also. That is something I used to do regularly.
I’m not suicidal but I don’t care about living either.
What the hell is wrong with me?
 
daffy

daffy

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I think it’s probably more that you want to change the life you’ve got. You don’t want to go on as it is but you don’t necessarily want to end your life. What you need to do is work out what you really want from life and is it possible to achieve this. Whether it’s a job , family, education, feeling well , and try and see if there is a way forward for you to achieve this
 
vanish

vanish

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I guess I have that. However I’ve just been told by a government department that I am to lose my disability pension and will have to look for work. I’m devastated and feel so lost as I know in my heart I’m incapable of working. I spend most of the time asleep anyway due to meds which keep me in the land of the partly sane. Once I lose my benefit I’m doomed.
 
vanish

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I also think it’s pretty cheeky of them to do this one week after I was released from hospital.
 
EddieH

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That's crazy that you're going to lose your pension. You sound a lot sicker than me and I did a freedom of information request and they say they will leave me alone for 10 years. Maybe you should do that and see what they're saying about you. There is an appeals process, don't give up mate I'm sure you deserve the benefits you get.
 
daffy

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I also think it’s pretty cheeky of them to do this one week after I was released from hospital.
Can you appeal this decision it’s obvious your unwell if you’ve just come out of hospital. Have you got anyone monitoring you that could help.
 
vanish

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Can you appeal this decision it’s obvious your unwell if you’ve just come out of hospital. Have you got anyone monitoring you that could help.
Monitoring me? Do you mean like a psychiatrist? Yes but if I lose the pension, I won’t be able to qualify for his bulk billing (he bulk bills pension card holders or DVA gold card holders). That means I will have to cough up the money which I won’t have.
 
EddieH

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I thought it was free, but think it would be money well spent. I don't remember it costing much, I wouldn't be off put by the charges they state.
 
daffy

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Monitoring me? Do you mean like a psychiatrist? Yes but if I lose the pension, I won’t be able to qualify for his bulk billing (he bulk bills pension card holders or DVA gold card holders). That means I will have to cough up the money which I won’t have.
Sorry yeh I meant like a mental health team . Whenever I’ve been released from hospital I had regular visits for several months until I was fully discharged. But I forgot your not in the uk so your health system is different to ours. I didn’t realise that you had to pay. That really sucks
 
vanish

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I could go public Daf, but the continuity of care is nearly nonexistent. That’s why I went private. I have health insurance but that’ll disappear if I lose an appeal as I won’t be able to afford it.
 
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