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    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

even minimal participation (but in front of 150 ppl) is too much

U

unlively1

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Dec 12, 2020
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I am newly employed as a remote full-time employee (but had worked at the company as a contractor). Every day my team has a video meeting which isn't so bad, just getting updates.

It's meeting with the whole or other company employees that terrifies me. Every Friday we have an hour long company wide meeting, and now I find out once in a while they do a thing where every one has to say something they are happy about on video chat. Today was that day (and of course I have a pimple brewing). I felt like the host chuckled at me. Who knows what else might happen at these things (this was only my second meeting)? There are at least 150 employees! And I am not a naturally "happy" person who has anything going on in life.

There is also a twice a year summit thing, this year's was held virtually but still opens up more chances of embarrassment with participation in their "fun" mandatory activities.

I have a book report due at some point soonish as part of onboarding where we state good and weak points of the company as related to this business success book they sent us (even though that's totally outside my scope as I'm mostly a "grunt" worker, all employees must do it) and then meet in our onboarding group to discuss.

The job is stressful enough without these activities that literally cause me to cry (and turn the video off!) and I'm such a perfectionist. My managers are so nice and I know for a perm position this seems like a unique place in my field. They have been accommodating already in terms of flexibility to help me with the transition. They are the ones who asked me to apply (there was only minimal audio contact before when I was a contractor, otherwise some emails) and I don't understand how they thought I could be happy in this environment; I think they downplayed it or just don't understand my difficulties though knew I was somewhat quiet. I even had to endure interviewing with a personality test coach to see if I was a good fit and then again after I had started to go over my traits, and this was all told over 2-1/2 hours.

My gut is torn between wanting to leave and continue the mentally safer contractor lifestyle with all its uncertainty, versus staying for this opportunity and pushing through. But i have a hard time thinking of even something good to say when I have not much going on in my life and being chuckled at didn't help. If I'm not fit enough mentally, my job performance will suffer, especially if I'm not fully committed to the job (thinking I will quit should summits be in-person again).

All my life, it's been a struggle and I've had so many disasters. I don't see how this can be any different. I know in theory we all have dislikes about whatever job we have but it's hard to be something I'm not and be super excited. I feel ultra bad that something like this would hinder me, but again, without *this* problem the job would be stressful enough. I just can't deal with anything extra and I used to do basically the same work without having to do these things until they changed things. I wish I could "not care" .
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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With COVID going on I think a lot of people don't really have a lot going on in their lives right now... Perhaps you need a little bit of inspiration to give you pointers on things to say. We are all unique and have something valid to contribute, perhaps you just don't quite know what that is at the moment. If you were to share a little bit of the nature of your business (without going into details), the Forum members here might come up with ideas that will inspire you in new directions (just a thought). I dare say there are members here who could also give you pointers on how to blag in those awkward moments too :)
 
U

unlively1

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Joined
Dec 12, 2020
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Location
USA
With COVID going on I think a lot of people don't really have a lot going on in their lives right now... Perhaps you need a little bit of inspiration to give you pointers on things to say. We are all unique and have something valid to contribute, perhaps you just don't quite know what that is at the moment. If you were to share a little bit of the nature of your business (without going into details), the Forum members here might come up with ideas that will inspire you in new directions (just a thought). I dare say there are members here who could also give you pointers on how to blag in those awkward moments too :)
My company deals in healthcare analytics but I just code medical charts which in general is a perfect job for a social anxiety person like me since i can be left alone. I didn't know going in about having to share "good news" most every week. I don't have a "life", am by myself, don't even have a car and COVID hasn't really changed my life much other than my grocery shopping is done all online now, I don't walk to the store. I walk on a nearby bike/walking trail is all. I watch movies and Youtube but often just spending time reading about topics relating to my psychology or diet. I don't have much to share at all and the purpose of this type of thing apparently is to shift our brains into a happier state with the collective good news. I just can't imagine saying week after week that I look forward to sleeping in or "chilling." It might be funny if I did say the same thing haha . but of course I don't want attention on me and it's not the same kind of positive as having different things going on in one's life if that makes sense, just feels sad to think about.


*** EDIT: I should also add that when I saw the agenda for the next weekly meeting, last Friday and that it included another share session and I realized this was going to be a regularly occurring event in the meeting, I actually skipped the meeting. No one said anything or reprimanded me yet but I would think it the managers would notice I didn't have a turn or speak.
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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A suggestion might be to write down what you have to say, practice reading it back (maybe film yourself on a mobile phone too), until you get to a point where you are relaxed and you are happy with your perfornance etc, and just read it back in the meeting...
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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If you think about the purpose of the meetings, it might also help in steering your contribution/input (just a thought). Hope this helps :)
 
hicks

hicks

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I can identify with your situation. I also have problems with these forced social type activities that some companies feel is beneficial. Personally I'm very picky about my friends, I find some personality types really clash with me, and It'll just be too mentally draining to maintain the relationship. Most of the time I just want to do the job, and get home to my family, which let's face it, are the people we really want to be with.
I guess this sharing activity in your meetings is an attempt to build the team spirit.
However I think you'll find that people are generally not that interested in your life, and aren't analysing what you're saying. So even if you did repeat the same thing every week, it wouldn't be that big a deal.
But if it's causing you stress, and the management are as supportive as you say, it may be worth raising your issues with them to see if you can opt out. They want you to be happy, as a happy employee is a productive one. They asked you to apply for a perm role, so they're obviously pleased with your work, and want you to be there.
 
U

unlively1

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Dec 12, 2020
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Location
USA
I just wanted to update that I've talked to my manager again and she again suggested that I just don't go off mute and she also could have the same "problem" but then thought she'd talked to the Sr manager and see if I get excused, but this would rely on the host remembering to skip me. This activity isn't happening every week; it's random and probably more of a time filler if they don't have enough on the agenda.

I have this mental rebellion against being told what to do (share personal info) or how I should feel (life is greaaat!) when it's nothing to do with my job duties. It's like being told to smile or to look alive etc. I kind of find it offensive or at least inappropriate, but that's just my twisted thinking I guess. I am lucky to live in an age where I can at least rebel somewhat in "moral character" and not be put away or burned at the stake or something.
 
Argon

Argon

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There has to be some way you can use the Americans With Disabilities Act to get out of this. If you say you have social anxiety they are supposed to make reasonable accommodations so that you can do your job.
 
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