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Euthanasia

prairiechick

prairiechick

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Wanting desperately to go to the store to get the things I need to end it once and for all. I wish so much that I could be euthanized, to be in a peaceful place. I would just quietly slip away and never return.
 
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Helena1

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with the stories you hear about them death row inmates taking forever to die and in a lot of pain i wonder how good euthanizer is, i dont know if it is the same drugs though.
 
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Viktoria

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Euthanasia is a painless injection or pill. I've applied for it.
 

MarlieeB

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I would say it isn't as they may want them to suffer.

I hope you don't hurt you PC

xxx
 
prairiechick

prairiechick

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I know the right things to buy and they are easily accessible at any pharmacy without a prescription. But I have to get my apartment cleaned up so there isn't such a dirty mess for my family to have to deal with.
 
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Waverunner

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I know the right things to buy and they are easily accessible at any pharmacy without a prescription. But I have to get my apartment cleaned up so there isn't such a dirty mess for my family to have to deal with.
Hope you don't do anything
 
prairiechick

prairiechick

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No, it's just the depression getting worse and worse. I'm not functioning. I'm not eating properly. I can't. I'm not hungry. I can't concentrate on school. I can't cope with trying to be a responsible adult. I never wanted to grow up and be an adult because it was too scary. I had memories of abuse by a babysitter come flashing back at me. Therapy, and my therapist hugging me has triggered too much. I can't stand my mind continuously going over and over the same things anymore. I want to die.
 
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Christobel

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I saw a program on TV showing someone being euthanazed in Switzerland. It didn't make pleasant viewing. There is no good way of killing yourself. The body fights for life. If you are anything like me, you will get better and feel glad nothing worked.
 
Gajolene

Gajolene

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aww Prairiechick, I'm so so sorry your therapist triggered you so bad, I think you have more to be furious about than yourself though. If you could be outwardly furious with anybody who would it really be besides yourself. It's good to get furious once in a while, can't be perfect and calm all the time right? IMO
 
prairiechick

prairiechick

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I'm not mad at my therapist. I am furious that I can't get my act together. I'm furious that I can't just clean up my apartment and cook for myself like a normal person and that I can't just make myself study and work on my class presentation and get out of bed at a reasonable hour in the morning. I'm furious that I can't just get over the shit in my life and that I'm so fucking SENSITIVE. I'm furious that I couldn't stop the babysitter from hurting me and my sisters. I should have been able to make her stop. I am the oldest, and I should have been able to make her stop. I'm furious that the memories had to flood me like that, and that I couldn't talk about the stuff I needed to talk about with my therapist on Thursday because it was to overwhelming to talk about. I am furious for sitting here feeling sorry for myself and not being able to just suck it up and get on with my life. And I am furious with God and mad that trying to distract myself from all the bad stuff by watching Grey's Anatomy on Youtube isn't working because stupid fucking Meredith has to get all philosophical about life and bring up issues that hurt like GODDAM FUCKING HELL. And maybe I am mad at my therapist for asking me if I she could give me a hug. And I'm mad that I wanted to be hugged and that I didn't know her hugs would trigger so much painful stuff inside my fucking head.
 
Gajolene

Gajolene

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Keep writing it out Prairie, That's what I did when I was feeling like you are now. You are fully entitled to feel furious about anything you want. For me it was a safe way to get it out of my head, I had books and books of feelings at one point. Finding the forums and people like us willing to listen really helped me. Anything you want to get out or write out on here, your safe and protected doing it here. I want to give you a hug, but I'm not going to right now, I think it would only make you more furious.
 
prairiechick

prairiechick

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I am mad at myself for feeling things--physical sensations and emotions. I don't want to feel anymore. There are too many feelings.
 
prairiechick

prairiechick

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Maybe I am mad at my therapist for offering me hugs, even though she knows I am really attached to her. Maybe I am mad at her for not realizing that her hugs would make me even more attached to her.
 
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