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EUPD and DBT

W00dy24

W00dy24

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Joined
Sep 30, 2021
Messages
12
Location
Uk
My shrink had a meeting with the mental health team the other day and they think DBT would be beneficial to me, I'm not sure I'll be committed to such a long treatment plan. The shrink said it would last between 18-24 months.
I've also been placed on the waiting list for a CPN.
Its just a lot to take in, I've told her I'll think about these options and tell her next week.
What are other peoples opinions on DBT and having a CPN?
 
MollyBloom

MollyBloom

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Jun 18, 2021
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401
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The Capital of Europe
DBT saved my life! I am an ex-BPD person now. From my graduation from DBT I haven't had any major crises. I've got a stable job and my head isn't storming anymore. The emptiness is gone and I know now who I am and what I want in life. I am also pursuing longterm goals without losing interest. My lifestyle is stable and boring, which has brought me happiness. Instant gratification and FOA have waned too.

It has to take long because you can't reset yourself in a week. This takes a while with a lot of practice.
 
W00dy24

W00dy24

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Messages
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Uk
@MollyBloom thankyou so much for the positive post :) I'm just worried about the amount of time it'll take to complete but I understand why.
My shrink said that there'll be homework?!?! What does they mean?
 
MollyBloom

MollyBloom

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Messages
401
Location
The Capital of Europe
@MollyBloom thankyou so much for the positive post :) I'm just worried about the amount of time it'll take to complete but I understand why.
My shrink said that there'll be homework?!?! What does they mean?

With DBT you are learning new skills to navigate through life. As for every skill you are learning you have to practice. If you want to learn to play the piano, you have to practice, otherwise you will never learn to play a piano. Likewise for DBT skills, you have to practice in order to apply them in daily life and that'll be your homework.

You will see you will change a lot. It's not always easy but they will learn you everything. I am still applying these skills without even knowing. The storms will calm down when I are aware you can manage the sufferings of life.

Good luck!
 
A

AAAAA

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Mar 18, 2020
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114
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Long Island, NY
I began DBT in 1999. It lasted about a year or so. Went back in 2001 - about 6 mos. Now I go to skills groups when I can. The last time was 2017. Just once or twice a week in the evening. I do it bc I want to ensure I remember how and when to use the skills. I’ll probably go again to a skills group once they open up.

It changed my life and let me live a stable life.
 
A

AAAAA

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Here is the book with the training and homework exercises
 

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WhySoSerious

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Oct 16, 2019
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476
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UK
Sounds fantastic that they are willing to offer something for you :)
I am unsure what a CPN would do for you but if you need some consistency that could be helpful.

DBT is by far the most effective treatment though I must admit its a HUGE amount of time and effort. If you think therapy happens inside the therapy room you won't benefit. You MUST practice the skills religiously, take it seriously, attend and be attentive. I've been in a group and I found that many people just couldn't be bothered to practice and would often make up their home feedback to keep the trainers quiet. They didn't benefit at all.

As someone else said, its like playing the piano. Its hard, you are going to get frustrated and you will want to quit but you HAVE to keep going and practice. Eventually you may play twinkle twinkle little star. Then you may start moving onto other pieces before going closer to Mozart. It won't happen quickly but do it!

Most people don't get offered DBT in the UK. Its actually really uncommon so if you are offered it then grab it. That said, I have seen people who would have died without it.


Good luck! You can do it but don't think its easy, because it isn't. It isn't some magic pill or bullet.
 
W

WhySoSerious

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Messages
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UK
@MollyBloom thankyou so much for the positive post :) I'm just worried about the amount of time it'll take to complete but I understand why.
My shrink said that there'll be homework?!?! What does they mean?

It means practice. Alot.

You get four types of skills - mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotional regulation and interpersonal effectiveness. You are expected to complete a diary card of what you have been doing in the week (skills related), monitor emotional states and urges. If you don't then they will ask why not and the trainers will go into detail about what stopped you using skills.

I had a therapist once who would not discuss anything further with me until I had done a diary. Eventually she said "if you can't do this then you need to go home and come back when its done".

There are no opt outs with DBT. If you miss 4 in a row you are done - therapy ends and there is no real conversation about it (one friend of mine had a client who missed sessions because she had major surgery. Was she allowed back? Nope. 4 misses are 4 misses!

I know I sound harsh but its cos I want you to be prepared if they offer what they call full program DBT (both 1:1 and group rather than just the group). Many DBT therapists are very direct; if you can't tolerate that then this may be a challenge.

Again I think you can do it, its a brilliant opportunity.
 
Sea_Green

Sea_Green

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324
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North West England
Does anyone who has been successful with DBT have any hints or advice on how to force yourself to stick with it and work on it? I don't want to hijack the thread but I imagine this could be useful infornation for W00dy24 too.
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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It means practice. Alot.

You get four types of skills - mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotional regulation and interpersonal effectiveness. You are expected to complete a diary card of what you have been doing in the week (skills related), monitor emotional states and urges. If you don't then they will ask why not and the trainers will go into detail about what stopped you using skills.

I had a therapist once who would not discuss anything further with me until I had done a diary. Eventually she said "if you can't do this then you need to go home and come back when its done".

There are no opt outs with DBT. If you miss 4 in a row you are done - therapy ends and there is no real conversation about it (one friend of mine had a client who missed sessions because she had major surgery. Was she allowed back? Nope. 4 misses are 4 misses!

I know I sound harsh but its cos I want you to be prepared if they offer what they call full program DBT (both 1:1 and group rather than just the group). Many DBT therapists are very direct; if you can't tolerate that then this may be a challenge.

Again I think you can do it, its a brilliant opportunity.
Wow! That's intense!

I can't afford DBT. Most therapists here don't offer it, and those that do have a disclaimer saying this therapy is specialised and not covered by any government rebates, etc.

At 43 and with how my BPD manifests nowadays, I don't know what my diary would look like.

Monday
- Wake up anywhere between 11am and 2pm, feel relaxed as I'm half asleep. There's nothing I want to get up for, so I fall back to sleep as it's blissful and a relief
- Sleep on and off until 4pm
- Wake up feeling relaxed (half asleep)
- Wake up properly and feel anxious, dull and don't want to get up
- As usual, as I wake up more, a headache develops
- Eventually get up at 5pm, feeling grumpy because I'm tired of feeling like this everyday for years (I am aware that everyday I wake up / get up and am emotionally dysregulated)
- I need to be alone for at least 30 minutes after getting up as if I have to respond or react to someone I get very irritable
- I take my anti-depressant, a painkiller and a multi-vitamin drink, brush my teeth, cleanse my face, put on my facial serum, brush my hair, and put on my "house clothes" (a singlet and little pair of shorts as it's hot here)
- I go out to the living area and greet my partner, who is on the computer as always
- Snuggle my cat and give him his dinner
- I have my various multi-vitamin gummies and get a peach iced tea out of the fridge, bring it over to the couch and lie down
- By now it's almost time for the news so I turn the TV on and watch while reading the google stories about similar news (doom and gloom Covid stuff)
- I lay there like a lump until I finally look at Uber Eats at about 7pm to see what to have for dinner. I'm not hungry (I never am, even when I have to get up earlier), but should have something, at least to break up the boredom
- My Uber Eats takes an hour to arrive as usual. I eat it. It's ok. By now it's about 8.30pm and I just want the time to go faster
- Sometimes after eating, I fall asleep, also out of boredom
- At about 9.30pm my partner finally comes out of the computer room and we watch an episode of a DVD or streaming series that I don't particularly want to watch but there's nothing else I can do and I hope that by watching something, my partner will get sleepy and then go to bed soon after (as opposed to just staying on the computer until midnight)
- After the show finishes, we both recline on our respective couches, on our phones. I'm just passing time, bored...so bored and dissatisfied
- My partner goes to bed anywhere between 10.30pm and 11.30pm and finally I can relax a bit and do my own thing alone.
- After about 30 minutes of waiting to make sure my partner doesn't get up again (to complain about someone outside or a loud car or something), I feed my cat his supper, get my late night snack and choose something to watch on Netflix
- At about 1.30am I finish with Netflix and then watch some Youtube videos
- I try to get to bed about 3am or 3.30pm, but I enjoy my alone time and procrastinate
- I finally get to bed by about 4am, taking my half antihistamine so I can sleep as I'm never tired later at night (and never have been, since early childhood)
- I lie awake, daydreaming about nice things, like having my own space and time alone. I start to get sleepy in about 30 minutes and then am asleep soonish after

Then repeat it all the next day.
 
MollyBloom

MollyBloom

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 18, 2021
Messages
401
Location
The Capital of Europe
It means practice. Alot.

You get four types of skills - mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotional regulation and interpersonal effectiveness. You are expected to complete a diary card of what you have been doing in the week (skills related), monitor emotional states and urges. If you don't then they will ask why not and the trainers will go into detail about what stopped you using skills.

I had a therapist once who would not discuss anything further with me until I had done a diary. Eventually she said "if you can't do this then you need to go home and come back when its done".

There are no opt outs with DBT. If you miss 4 in a row you are done - therapy ends and there is no real conversation about it (one friend of mine had a client who missed sessions because she had major surgery. Was she allowed back? Nope. 4 misses are 4 misses!

I know I sound harsh but its cos I want you to be prepared if they offer what they call full program DBT (both 1:1 and group rather than just the group). Many DBT therapists are very direct; if you can't tolerate that then this may be a challenge.

Again I think you can do it, its a brilliant opportunity.

I think you are describing DBT like it is a bootcamp and I disagree with that. I would have never finished a bootcamp-ish DBT program.

DBT is about loving kindness and validation. DBT is about gradual growth as a person, using more and more your Wise Mind, being effective in your emotions, standing your ground in a non-toxic way, etc … It’s a great treatment but it is NOT a competition, nor a race.

The trainers are nice too. They sometimes challenge you but they remain friendly and supportive. They are not your personal torturers. You don’t have to fear them.

Your diary cards aren’t punishments. They help you to become more self-aware of your emotions and the skills you apply. If it didn’t work, you can discuss this with your mentor in a kind and validating way. They help you with understanding and compassion.
 
A

AAAAA

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 18, 2020
Messages
114
Location
Long Island, NY
Does anyone who has been successful with DBT have any hints or advice on how to force yourself to stick with it and work on it? I don't want to hijack the thread but I imagine this could be useful infornation for W00dy24 too.
I knew how expensive it was & I didn’t want to let anyone down by not going. I had to drive an hour+ each way and had to be there before 9AM. It was very difficult in the beginning to do that bc I wasn’t sleeping till 4AM. That had been my pattern for years. But I was so desperate for a change and knew how much money was being spent I kind of felt guilty if I wouldn’t go.

Before I knew it, I’d made some friends there and began to look forward to it. I had been totally isolated and now I was talking with others, even having lunch sometimes with them.

Plus each day there were different classes where I learned skills to manage my life. No lectures, but participation and examples. Scenarios on what to do and think it through. A whole new way of trying to deal with everyday life.
 
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