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Escape to Fantasy World on the Phone and Web

S

spiritmessenger

New member
Joined
Jun 17, 2008
Messages
2
Location
Coventry
Hello,

Today I did something terrible. I looked at the messages on my girlfriend's phone. I am glad that I did, however, because my suspicions were confirmed. I read on there messages between her and a guy we had met in a pub some weeks earlier. He was giving her his address and it looked like they were arranging to meet up. One message confirmed more than my suspicions. It said that she was already seeing two additional blokes. One message read:
"I know it should be one and it should be my boyfriend, but I just can't help myself. I don't want to be used."
My head pretty much just imploded, but I was very calm in my confrontation. I just told her, calmly, that I was leaving her and that these were the reasons why. She, of course, wasn't happy about me going through her phone and I couldn't apologise enough for that, I really couldn't. But, I pointed out that the ends justified the means because I had found something out that was more alarming than an affront to her civil liberties.

Then it got interesting.

She said that none of the messages were true and that it was all lies in the messages. She said that it was all part of some fantasy world that she goes in to on the phone and computer following the time she was raped when she was 18. She said it was a form of escapism for her.

Even if I take that point, which I am dubious of because of how quickly she came out with it as a defence, then she has been playing a dangerous game has she not? What if one of these many guys saw her in a bar alone and decided that, because of the messages between them, that he was "definitely in there" and decided to come on to her. I know her, and know that she would be poor at defending this and getting out of the situation. It is not inconceivable that she could be raped again as a result.

I am very worried about her and if this "fantasy world" is true then I don't think it is a healthy or safe world. Second Life or something like that would be far more preferable, but this is real men in the real world in our local area.

Any advice please? I want to support her, but I have to be sure that I am not being taken advantage of and misled.
 
A

Apotheosis

Guest
In My Opinion - You are being lied to. Her "excuse" for the messages sounds highly implausible. Many people having affairs never admit to it, even when found out. People lie even when the person they are having an affair with confronts their partner. They will deny it to the end.

I haven't been in a regular relationship for a long time; but I used to have quite a few girlfriends. I was faithful to all of them. I sadly say that every one of them cheated on me. It is what people do in this day & age. I have allot of trust issues around this. Simply, I would find it very difficult to trust a partner again.

Once someone has cheated, then they can never be trusted in that regard again. Either accept that this is the way it is; or leave them.
 
S

spiritmessenger

New member
Joined
Jun 17, 2008
Messages
2
Location
Coventry
Thanks for the advice. The more I think about it the more it seems like an attempt at an elaborate lie. She once told me that she had cheated on her ex-husband 3 times at least and he never knew about it until they had finished. I would suspect she deployed similar tactics with him. Essentially, the fantasy probably became a reality on more than occasion I think.

I am going to offer two options: either stop it or leave. If she thinks she's got a problem we'll get all the help she needs, but essentially the ball is in her court.
 
j_lol

j_lol

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
May 31, 2008
Messages
108
I agree with Apotheosis. It all sounds like an elaborate attempt to get out of a difficult spot. In my opinion even dodgy texts like that are an affront to the trust in a relationship and as a wise man once said 'without trust, there is no love'

I have to admit that I am possibly a bit harsh when it comes to things like this but I just think if you love someone then there is NO excuse.
 
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