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Escalating resentment

E

English Electric

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Joined
Sep 26, 2021
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57
Location
Uk
I am getting to a point where I am recognising lots of slights against me. Often subtle and sneaky. Comments and put downs which seem ever more apparent to me.

I had a deep reaction to something said to me today. I was relayed the story that someone (a vistor) had expressed disappointment that I wasn't present for a work issue, suggesting I had done good things in the past. Fine, and quite nice to hear. But the recounting of this kind comment to me was without any warmth or recognition of my having perhaps made a good impression. Instead the comment was described as being unproffesional and undermining of other staff. It was framed as if a) i was at fault for this and b) the person who had praised me was unprofessional, thus a poor judge, thus nullifying the positive comment about my work.

This reads as petty and perhaps a little over the top, but its real and it happened and it seems I have enetered the bracket of "can do no right". I dont know whether this says something about me or perhaps just the way things are. Praise is not only witheld these days but corrupted into a negative.

Sorry, this sounds irrelevant but I must say I am feeling more and more irrelevant. Do some invite this type of encounter?
 
M

Mistral

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Joined
Apr 28, 2011
Messages
741
This person is a malicious gossip and trouble-maker. They are using the person who said that they were "disappointed" as a proxy to give you a put-down in fact several put-downs. Treat as nothing more complicated than that. The only way to deal with this sort of sneaky behaviour is to be direct. The bit about the person who made the disappointed comment being unprofessional is just more of the same meant to give you both barrels so to speak and to be confusing as they also mentioned something about the person saying something positive about you. However treat even the first utterance as a put-down and deal with it as such.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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11,892
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England
Problems like this are so common. I think it is our reactions that must change to protect our mental health and happiness.

Ignoring is the only way.
 
E

English Electric

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 26, 2021
Messages
57
Location
Uk
Thank you @Mistral and @Tawny. Your comments are welcome and sound sensible. I am sensitized to this type of thing and think it is indeed very common. Basic interactions have become a vying for position or have a competative undertone I find so tiring.

The same person today made a "...but yes I have also..." comment which was unnecessary and almost out of context. The modern "did I mention I am great?" way is really jarring to me. This is very difficult when I spend alot of time discussing internally just how big a piece of sh't I am.

Thank you again for your messages.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Thank you @Mistral and @Tawny. Your comments are welcome and sound sensible. I am sensitized to this type of thing and think it is indeed very common. Basic interactions have become a vying for position or have a competative undertone I find so tiring.

The same person today made a "...but yes I have also..." comment which was unnecessary and almost out of context. The modern "did I mention I am great?" way is really jarring to me. This is very difficult when I spend alot of time discussing internally just how big a piece of sh't I am.

Thank you again for your messages.
You will reach a point where it is like water off a duck's back. It drives you mad for so long and then you are done with it.

Thinking you are a piece of shit, i have been through that too, i still do really, but i have also reached a point with that of 'so what?'

Maybe i am
I cannot do much about it right now
And nobody else is perfect either

If you really look and listen to everyone around you, most of them have so many faults of their own and do so many things wrong too.

You are doing your best and that is all you can do.

I'm a piece of... doing my best. :)
 
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